Chapter 95 - My Costar Tells Me About The Past

Xin Hulei stretches out his long arms across the back of the sofa, making the wide sleeves of his costume drape down over it.

He looks to be deep in contemplation, but after a few moments of reflection, the only thing he says is, "Why?"

"Uh, I think it will help me clear up the anxiety I'm feeling over Yan Shuyi's character."

Xin Hulei gives him a look from the corner of his eyes. "I don't see how the two are related."

They aren't, except that Yao Shen's anxieties are vast and multifaceted. Xin Hulei just can't see it because he has his life together -- a great achievement, all things considered.

"I just think it would help me handle everything better."

Xin Hulei gives him a shrewd look from the corner for his eye. "Maybe it's not Yan Shuyi you're losing your grasp on, but Xie Huan." His nostrils flare with a little huff of amusement. "Maybe you're having trouble getting in character now that you know that your romantic interest is no longer me."

Yao Shen rolls his eyes, but some of the tension is gone, and he feels a lot lighter. "That's it exactly," he says, shuffling towards Xin Hulei across the sofa and burrowing under his arm. 

He remembers something. "You know what's funny? I've always thought that Yan Shuyi had terrible taste."

If Yao Shen wasn't so well versed in reading Xin Hulei by now, he might not have noticed the brief flicker of surprise in his eyes.

"How so?" he asks, clearing his throat.

"Well, Xie Huan is just too much, isn't he? He's like a hurricane, whenever he walks into a situation. How many conflicts in the drama could have been avoided if it wasn't for his terrible personality?"

"He could be...intense."

Yao Shen realizes he's talking about someone who Xin Hulei probably held in high regard, and not only that, he shouldn't be talking ill of the dead.

"Anyway...it's just that I find Xie Huan's personality a little overbearing, but maybe it's been changed in the novel."

Xin Hulei shakes his head. "No it's an accurate representation."

Yao Shen thinks it's best for him to stay quiet and only nod in understanding from now on. 

One thing he can say for sure: he and Yan Shuyi have very little in common. Including their taste in men. Which isn't helping with the current issue of Yao Shen feeling unable to play Yan Shuyi properly because the connections he had previously established are no longer there.

It's surprising when Xin Hulei goes on unprompted, "I think they complimented each other. Their personalities were a good match."

That's unexpected, considering Xin Hulei was in love with one of them.

Yao Shen wonders if he could ever be that magnanimous.

He rests his head on Xin Hulei's chest and hums, so that he knows he's listening if he wants to go on.

"I was attracted to Yan Shuyi because he made me feel this sense of peace. That was something in short supply. For both me and Xie Huan." His dark eyes are distant, heavy with the weight of memory.

"Being in his presence was enough to soothe me," Xin Hulei continues, "Me and Xie Huan were both very angry when we joined Frozen Peak, but while Xie Huan's anger was explosive, like a tornado that destroys anything in its path, mine was internal, corrosive. I don't know what would have been of the two of us if it wasn't for Yan Shuyi."

As he hears Xin Hulei describe the positive influence Yan Shuyi had on his life, Yao Shen can't help wondering how Xin Hulei would describe him.

Will he leave such a lasting impression?

"Did you ever tell him? About your feelings?" Yao Shen isn't sure what answer he wants to hear, perhaps he just wants to keep Xin Hulei talking.

"No. Why would I tell him? It was obvious he loved Xie Huan. If I told him it would only cause him pain." 

Yao Shen looks up at Xin Hulei's dark eyes, searching for any signs of regret, but doesn't find them.

"Did Xie Huan find out?" 

The corner of Xin Hulei's lip ticks up. "I think that perhaps he was too self-involved for that."

Fondness seeps through his words, it's obvious Xin Hulei misses Xie Huan as much as Yan Shuyi. 

It's impossible to imagine him hurting either of them in any way.

"How did they die?"

Xin Hulei goes quiet at once. Yao Shen doesn't pressure him.

Yao Shen remains tucked under Xin Hulei's arm, playing with the fingers draped over his shoulder carelessly.

"I was lonely." Those few words carry inside them a world of sorrow. "Lonely people do stupid things."

Yao Shen laces his fingers with Xin Hulei's, tapping over his knuckles with his index finger.

Xin Hulei returns the gentle touch after a while. 

"The Underworld is a vast place, but most of it is inhospitable, populated with creatures that know only hunger and death. They can rip ghosts and demons to shreds with only a snap of their claws. Walled cities are the only way to keep them at bay."

Yao Shen remembers what Jia Hao overheard, about the hordes of demons surrounding Youdu's gates. A wall is never just a wall, there must be more to it besides brick and mortar.

"Millennia ago, there used to be more cities, bright specks of light among the darkness before they too were consumed by it. Eventually, only two remained, Youdu the capital city of the Underworld, the dark capital, and Modu, the Demon capital. It might have had another name, but no one remembers it anymore."

The memory of Youdu is still fresh in Yao Shen's mind, despite only being there twice and seeing a very limited area of it. He imagines that Modu must have looked similar, but he knows he will never get a chance to visit.

Xin Hulei must be thinking about something along those lines, because he says, "Modu's defenses were growing weaker, and we needed something to strengthen the shields. No help would come from Youdu, if anything, they were happy to see Modu fall. There weren't only demons living there, some of the ghosts that hadn't yet reincarnated choose to live there as well."

"That's why you needed Frozen Peak's relic?" Yao Shen asks.

Xin Hulei nods. "Any relic from one of the major cultivation sects in the mortal realm would do, we just choose Frozen Peak because their tradition to welcome promising outside disciples made them easy to infiltrate."

"Modu was divided in three districts, each district had it's own King. Xie Huan was the second district king and my cousin. We grew up together, which is why I went with him to get the relic."

"And then Yan Shuyi happened," Yao Shen says, filling in the blanks.

Xin Hulei shakes his head. "It wasn't Yan Shuyi that prevented us from getting the relic."

Yao Shen turns in Xin Hulei's arms and gives him a look of bewilderment.

The Xie Huan he saw in that dream was ready to abandon his people and his city for Yan Shuyi. Xin Hulei saw him too -- certainly he couldn't be that magnanimous and forgiving.

"We didn't know, but not long after we joined, someone warned the other major sects that demons had infiltrated Frozen Peak."

That would explain the fixation on Xie Huan and the fierce antagonism against Yan Shuyi for protecting him during the inter-sect competition -- in the minds of those elders, it only confirmed the information they had already received. 

Not that any of that is explained in the novel of drama, but Yao Shen is able to assemble a coherent narrative between everything the novel leaves out and what Xin Hulei tells him.

"I couldn't see it at the time, and I must confess that I allowed jealousy to drive me and Xie Huan apart. Even before he and Yan Shuyi got into a relationship, I could already tell there were feelings growing between the two of them." 

His fingers tighten around Yao Shen's. "I was shortsighted, and everyone paid dearly for that."

"How could you know? It wasn't your fault," Yao Shen says. He sits up straighter and wraps his arms around Xin Hulei's neck, kissing the edge of his jaw before letting his head rest on the crook of his neck. 

"Xie Huan did." Xin Hulei interjects, his smooth voice filled with recrimination. "Except that at that time, my behavior had grown so cold that he no longer trusted me."

It's a long time before Xin Hulei continues his account. Yao Shen remains quiet, giving him the space he needs to get his thoughts in order. Outside the trailer, night has already cloaked everything in shadow. The cry of the cicadas is deafening, the thin trailer walls offering little resistance.

Absentmindedly, Yao Shen realizes summer has truly arrived.

"The day I found Yan Shuyi and Xie Huan embracing romantically for the first time, it was actually a plan of Xie Huan's to test my loyalty."

The implications are obvious -- the scene Yao Shen saw in the dream was Xin Hulei's memory of that trap.

"If I was loyal, he expected me to return to demon realm at once, to alert our allies of his treason. But he had no idea about my feelings for Yan Shuyi."

"That wasn't where you went?" Yao Shen asks, trying to disguise the sudden hoarseness in his voice.

"No, I wanted to go somewhere where no one knew me, so instead of Modu, I went to Youdu, straight to the Fragrant Peony brothel, to drown my sorrows." Xin Hulei's voice grows fiercer. "That's where I met him. The wrong person."