Chapter 305: Mo Qingchen: Resident Therapist

But she was desperate to understand the meaning of his cryptic words. 

She wasn't going to deter him. So, she waited. 

"I have never told this to anyone before," he began quietly. 

"You can tell me. I told you the most twisted and unreal story ever," she responded. She felt his hand go slack around her and turned it around to grab him firmly. It was her turn to give him support.

He opened his mouth, closed it, and then opened it again.

"I went to the funeral."

His voice broke on the last word. Though she couldn't wrap her head around what he was saying, her heart broke for him. He fell apart a little more then, tears finally slipping from his eyes. They poured down faster and faster. 

She hadn't expected this. She didn't know what to say. She just gaped at him for a long moment as she processed what he had just told her.

Mo Qingchen was dealing with the burden of a loss. He lost someone and she didn't know who it was. Who could incite such emotions in him? 

"Whose funeral?"

He tried to compose himself. "I can't say it."

He had thought it would be easy to tell her he was there once she told him about her dream. But it wasn't.

Qian Meng didn't even know her thought process when she acted. She just did it. There he was, the man she was falling in love with, heartbroken as he shared with her something he had suppressed in his heart for a very long time and she felt for him more than she had felt for anyone else in her life. 

That was the moment she realized the depth of what she had been struggling with feeling for him. She felt for him at that moment not just in her heart but in her soul. She didn't know what or who was hurting him so badly, but she wanted to protect him fiercely from anything that could ever hurt him like that ever again. 

She understood now what he meant when he told her that he would rather take her pain himself than watch her suffer with it. Because watching him with that pain, she felt helpless. Like she could do nothing. 

What she did was hop into the pool. She had no regard for the fact that she still had clothes on. She didn't care. She just wanted to hold him.

She somehow flung her arms around his neck and pulled him to her, holding him tightly. He put his hands on her hips and she put one of hers on the back of his head as he buried his face against her chest.

"I'm so sorry, Mo Qingchen," she whispered, not knowing what else to say.

He was quiet for a long time. Qian Meng was sure that he was still crying, but it was hard to tell with his face pressed against her. It was strange to see him this way. Her husband was always so composed and collected. He rarely showed any emotion, much less cry in front of her. It meant a lot to her that finally, he was willing to open up to her and let his guard down. 

These two fools. 

"I'm supposed to be comforting you now," he said after a while, pulling his face away from her chest slightly. "Not the other way around."

Qian Meng shook her head as she moved her legs up at his sides and sat down on his lap so that their faces were closer together.

"We can comfort each other," she answered. 

He took a deep breath and blinked away the last of his lingering tears. 

"You know… I don't even know the last time I cried. I can't remember."

"It's okay to cry. I would feel bad if I was the only one turning on the waterworks all the time," she responded lightly. 

As bad as she felt for him, a part of her was glad that he had cried in front of her. She knew that he had probably never cried in front of another person and it made her feel relief. They were both comfortable enough to cry in front of each other and not pull away. Instead, they were allowing the other to comfort them. 

"You aren't going to ask me to tell you more?" he asked after he had calmed down. 

"No. You gave me the space to decide and come up to you. I appreciate that. I can only do the same for you," she told him.

He hummed in agreement. And then he asked her. "Why didn't you want to tell me about your story before?"

"Because it obviously brings up a lot of unresolved feelings for me. It's not something I like to think about or talk about. I have tried my best to bury this stupid dream and what it means for me. I don't like to bring it back up again," she said truthfully. 

"Then why did you tell me now?"

"Because it was hurting me more than help me. Because it was hurting you. I don't want to give it that power." 

"Yes, you can't bury it. You have to deal with it and the only way is to say it out loud and talk about it."

Qian Meng chuckled. "You sound like a therapist now."

"But I am glad you told me. It helped me understand why you push me away. I understand you better now."

Qian Meng gulped. "That's why I did it. I want you to know why I am messing up. I can't promise I won't do it again, but I think after saying it out loud, I will be more conscious of the impact it has had on me."

It did make sense. Qian Meng remembered him mumbling about a funeral when he had a fever. She hadn't thought much of it then, but sober and healthy Mo Qingchen said the same thing. He had lost someone very special to him and it filled him with fear of relationships as well. He understood what she felt… somehow.