Chapter 317: I Don't Even Remember His Name

She was caught off guard by him raising his voice. Her hands immediately fell from her chest. 

"Mo Qingchen…"

"It wasn't a dream at all. Bai Ye Qing is a monster and it all happened. In fact, he is here right now, between us."

Qian Meng slouched, feeling defeated.

"What? You don't know? Don't you feel how he has ruined our chances to be together? Because I sure as hell see it."

He growled. She didn't know what to do. She knew his anger was directed towards Bai Ye Qing and not her, but all she wanted to do was make things better. The question remained. Why was he doing all this? 

"Tell me… what do you want me to do?" she pleaded. 

"Stop it," he demanded. "I just want both of us to be happy and as long as that man is alive and haunting you, it's not possible for us. When you told me exactly how he tortured you, I felt I was dying inside. I see the pain in your eyes when someone mentions him. I see the panic when you think about something related to that time. And it's all because of that fucking bastard!"

Just like last night, tears filled his eyes as they burned into hers.

"You want to save yourself from the pain and you keep telling yourself that it was all a dream. But I can imagine just how desperate and pained you must have been. Qian Meng… I was at your funeral," he choked out. 

"My… funeral?" she whispered. 

"I was just watching the news and they said you were depressed and you killed yourself. I went to the funeral. It was all covered up. And all those sycophants attended the funeral. I was so… empty." He cried. "I knew the gist of what had happened. You asked me why I was torturing them? Because I can't torture them from that universe. Because I can't make you forget it, Qian Meng."

"You do make me forget all of that, Qingchen!" she cried. "When you kiss me, I don't even remember his name."

"If that was true, my lips would never part from yours."

"Then kiss me," she begged. "I want you. Only you. Those other things don't matter."

"I can't be with you like this. Not now. I feel like I could literally rip someone's head off for what happened to you. You deserve to be with me at my best when I don't resemble that monster."

"I don't understand…" she mumbled.

He was angry at Bai Ye Qing and the others. Not her. She had to remind herself that.

"I don't know until which point you were conscious in that parallel universe but I lived for years after you did. I saw how your family was devastated. I just can't help but think it was all my fault."

He gulped. 

"Some nights, I wake up in cold sweat because I am scared that I will be in a different universe where you are not alive. That I couldn't protect you from those bastards. I can't sleep, Qian Meng. I am so scared."

"I'm alive. I'm fine!" she told him desperately. "It's okay."

She hadn't processed what she was saying, in reality. All she could think about was how desperate he was to protect her. And then it slowly seeped in.

"You knew?" she asked. "You were there? It was not a dream?"

Mo Qingchen nodded, despite his emotions. "I don't exactly know what it was. You thought it was a dream and I thought it was a glitch in the matrix. Somehow, the fabric of the universe was out of balance and both of us ended up in this parallel universe where all the bad things hadn't happened."

Qian Meng gulped. "Parallel universe…" she muttered. "Like reincarnation in those novels?" she asked. 

He furrowed his brow. "There must be a scientific explanation to this." He shrugged, but his whole body was stiff. 

"That means…" Her eyes widened in horror. "What is your last memory in that… parallel universe?" she asked. 

"It was all a blur of constant work," he admitted. "After you died, I really couldn't function properly. I felt responsible. I just worked and worked. I couldn't sleep. After my greatest project was completed, I just went to sleep."

"Then?" she asked. "What happened then?" She shook his shoulders, waiting for an answer. 

"I woke up in my old office," he told her. 

She gasped as she put the things together. "You absolute fool."

The topic at hand had changed. This was more important.

"Huh?"

"You died! From overwork!" she exclaimed. "What do you think happens when you don't sleep? Your body shut down, Mo Qingchen!" she said. "And why didn't you tell me before?" she asked. 

"I don't know about that." He looked away. "But I figured out that you were the same Qian Meng from that world. When you got drunk the first time we drank together. You told me…"

She grew eerily silent.

"And you didn't think you should bring this up before?"

"What could I have said? You drunkenly said some things that fell in line with what I knew. I could have only heard what I wanted to, or been completely wrong about what you meant," he started. 

"You could have tried."

"What did you expect me to say? Hey, Yun Qian Meng, You died a miserable death in the universe I lived in previously and I can't let that happen to you again. Would you have believed me?" He pressed his lips together. 

"If I was not who I am, no. But I… I am that Yun Qian Meng. I would have believed you."

He shook his head. "I wasn't sure. And I wouldn't have told you even if I was. Hindsight is… terrible." He did look regretful.

The doorbell rang and Mo Qingchen picked himself up to a stand. "It's the food. It's finally here. Will you feed me?" he asked. 

She nodded.

She followed him into the dining area and saw an employee walk in with two plates. He placed them and then deposited the mug of black coffee on the table. 

The smell wafted through the air. She could see the employee eyeing them. They must have looked like a mess. They had both cried.