Chapter 186 - Understand

"Why didn't I pushed him?" The more I think about it, makes me repeat it again and again. "Why?"

I just can't believed that I let him kissed me like he's free to do it anytime. I'm not a stupid but when it comes to him, I don't know.. Maybe I was just swayed or I'm just a simple flirt that's secretly fantasizing him.

That's a bit creepy girl.

It's already morning but I can't order myself to get up in this thick and soft bed. I don't have the energy to face what's waiting for me outside today. It felt like I'm not ready for it. Damn. How fool I am, huh?

And the worst, was the part that I liked what we did.. I'm going insane thinking about it already. I can't believed I was demanding of his kisses inside my head for awhile.. I'm not a pervert but, he's just too irresistible. I can't..

I bit my lower lip and tries to look at myself at the mirror. Since when did he ever conscious of my look? I was like this even since we're lovers. Why being so picky now!

"You're finally awake.."

I just stopped talking to myself when my mom enters my room. She's holding a tray that's full of delicious foods.

"Did you have a good sleep in Pierre's place? Sorry, I wasn't able to take care of you.."

"You didn't have to worry. We're fine. Pierre was always there to support us. He's also out with your brothers now.." She smiles.

Pierre and my brothers go out? Why didn't they take me!

"Those betrayers, they didn't even ask me to come!" I wanted to go with them too..

"Just let them be.. I'm sure, Pierre also had a plan with you,"

"What about you mom?" I'm not sure if it's okay to ask this but I'm really worried.

"What do you mean, sweetie?"

My mom was like Pierre. I didn't know what's running through her mind and I wanted to determine if she's thinking of something that can make Pierre happy..

Geez, this is so cheesy!

"Did you ever plan to make up with my brother?" I was pertaining to Pierre. He deserves to received an apology from my mom.

"I have think of it how many times.. But I don't have the courage to do it, sweetie.. You know what he have been through since I left him. He endured so much that I didn't have the right to make up with him.."

"But he's also your child mom, you shouldn't think of something that can stop you from saying sorry to him. You also said yourself that he suffered a lot, mom.." I took her hand. "You should try to approach my brother, mom. He can understand you,"

"I'm sorry for everything sweetie.." Her tears fell down and she immediately wiped it.

"M-mom.."

"I'm so sorry for hiding the truth from you.. I'm sorry for neglecting you, my children and let you suffer alone.." She started to cry now..

Oh god. It's not my intention to let her cry!

"This will be unbelievable but I already forgive you mom.. That I understand even if it hurts.." I admit that I'm still uncomfortable and disappointed but I still understand her.

I understand why she had to do that. Why she planned to kill me.. She does that to keep my dad by her side..

It's all in the best but I can't help but to reminisced the past that's not really clear to me. I was like a pathetic but I'm still doing it.

I'm not going to suffer thinking of what happened before. And my brother understands me, I'm certain of it..

"You can hate me all you want sweetie. I don't want you to force yourself forgiving me. I can always wait.."

"It's fine, mom. Pierre loves you, he'll definitely understand."

I don't know but I feel like holding my mom's hand. I wanted to feel her care right now. I missed her..

"You should stop being guilty now, mom. That's not what we want.." I shook my head. I wanted her to understand us. "Please, make my brother happy mom. Pierre needs it right now.. He may not show it, but I'm sure he's just waiting for you.."

She remained silent for that and it's really the right thing to do for me now. They should spend more time together to ease the sadness of each other. They're important to me. I wanted them to live in a world where they didn't have to suffer alone.

That I'm willing to sacrifice everything just to make them happy.

"You brought this?" I'm asking about those foods in front of me. "Wow.."

I suddenly feel hungry just by looking at it. I don't eat heavy meals in morning but this is an exemption. My mom made this delicious foods and I'll definitely eat them all.

"You should eat a lot. Look how thin you are.." She scanned my whole body. "You're on a diet?"

"I'm good mom. I just wanted to balance my weight. I can't be fat.." I pouted. But since she cooked everything. I really tried to finish them all.

In the end, I didn't finished it. My mom was laughing at me after that. She doesn't have an idea how did I put it through just to eat a lot today. That I'll gonna do an extreme work out tomorrow because of this.

"You're not going anywhere? Or any plans?" My mother asked while washing the dishes. I volunteered to do it but she won't let me.

I feel like I was useless for not doing anything.

But I suddenly remember my brothers. "Where's the twin mom?"

I only call them twin when they're not around. They would probably find it disgusting. Seriously, what's wrong with those people. They can't even last a day without fighting.

"I already told you, sweetie. Didn't I?"

I blushed when I remember that she really said it awhile ago. Pierre brought them out and I'm still disappointed that they didn't let me come with them!

How heartless punks.

"Boys are sometimes like that, Raine. So just don't be upset okay?"

Then I don't have a choice but to forgive them again. Those crazy guys are just so lucky.

"I have something to do today mom.." I said, grabbing my notes on the side table. I wrote the schedule for this day and I include the part where I would visit the shop later.

"You have plans? Okay, just be careful sweetie.." She pinched her cheeks before she left.

I'm glad that she didn't asked anything though. I wanted to keep this to myself for now.. That I'm going to visit the place where it all started..

I immediately went inside my bedroom after that. It took awhile as I wash myself since I was really conscious that he might find me dirty again. I didn't want that to happen. Never..

I was planning to listen to everything that he's going to say now.. I'll open my mind and heart to hear all of his hardships.. Despite them all, I know It will also make me upset and regretful..

I admit that I was really an arrogant before, that I think I was always right.. But I wanted to change for the better. Starting this day, I'll try to understand him..

I smiled at the mirror as I put some pink liptint on my lips. I just wore some minimal make up before curling my lashes. I also let my beautiful and natural hair down, so I wouldn't feel the breeze that much. It's very cold right now and it's really upsetting that I can't wear a dress right now.

That's why, I decided to just wear a ripped high-waisted jeans and a khaki button down dress.. I was wearing a lose type so It really looks good on me. I also put my silver necklace and it really feels like I was going there to impress him.

No. You supposed to talk to him and not flirt with him.

For the last, I wore a 3 inches black leather shoes and a black scarf around my neck. This is so much like me. I love wearing these kind of clothes. It's very comfortable though.

I sprayed some mist around my face for the last time before taking my small sling bag on top of my bed. I admit that I'm a little bit nervous but it's fine since my intention was pure.

I'm just giving him a chance to explain his side now. And it's bonus that I really leave some time to talk to him. He should be really thankful for that.

"Oh right. I forgot to tell Jacob not to fetch me today!" I immediately took out my phone and texted him to just postpone it this time.

We're actually planning to go watch a movie today but since this is urgent. I'll really have to cancel it. I feel bad but I really have to do this. I know he would understand..

"How come this is opened?" I said to myself and opened the door.

It's been awhile again since I last visited here. There's nothing changed inside and there's still a person sitting--

"ADRIAN?"

I rubbed my eyes but when I looked at him again, he's still there! Meaning he's still working here!

I just got the news that Noah's still going here and he's here often but I didn't know that Adrian was still..here..

"I'm still working here, Raine.."

I swallowed hard as I scanned the whole room. Every machine was working! Meaning, Noah's still keeping it!

He's still managing it!

"I can't believed this!" I hissed.

"Why? Missed me?"

And I was dumbfounded that he's just here beside me!

Shit.

To be continued..