Chapter 187 - Give It

"Why did you come to my shop? What brings you there?"

Nervousness consumed me as his baritone voice speaks behind me. He gave me a hot compress and a hot coffee that can lessen the coldness of my body.

I wasn't thinking right. I kept swallowing hard as I feel his presence beside me. The feeling was killing me, I almost lose my mind when he appeared in front of me earlier. I thought he was going to get angry at me for coming there, but he didn't. Instead, he asked me to come with him if I wanted to talk to him alone.

I didn't have a choice but to come since that's the reason why I went to his shop. But I didn't expect what I saw..

I thought he already turned his back on this... That after coming back to their company, he'll finally let go of what he started.. I was amazed, that he really pursue his dream with his small shop. I wanted to watch his progress too and I'm rooting for its success in the future.

"I didn't expect you to come there.." There's a happiness in his tone that actually surprised me.

This is the time that he speaks to me with a gladness in his voice. That I can also see through his eyes that he's sincere..

I can't help but to feel happy for that. I feel like my stomach was being tickled..

"I came here to.." I bit my lower lip in so much anxiousness. I'm afraid that he won't accept what I'll going to say.. I feel like crying now.. "A-apologize.."

I immediately bowed my head after that. I can't look at his face anymore. I didn't want him to see my reaction, guilt was already consuming me. I'm aware that I had the biggest part of mistake here.. That I was the one to blame why we broke up and I'm here to apologize to him for hurting him before..

His brows furrowed. I was startled when he took a step closer to me and take a lot at my face. Damn it.

I heard his heavy sighed after pulling out his gaze from me. His silence brings out a huge impact on my chest. My heart was pounding that I can feel my own heart beat now.

I gently looked up to see his reaction, I was worried because he just keep on sighing. Whenever I hear it, just makes me want to say sorry again..

But I'm surprised when I turned my eyes at him, he's already looking at me with those emotional gaze.. His eyes we're bloodshot while he stayed in his position, not moving at all.

N-noah...

"I-I'm sorry.." My voice broke and my tears started to fall.. I have nothing to blame now, I was the one who ruined our relationship.. I was the one who hurt him the most.. Damn it, baby.. "I'm so sorry, Noah.."

I held his hand and apologized for how many times. I don't care if there's a lot of people watching me right now.. I only wanted to hear his baritone but gentle voice and comfort me.. My grip tightened as I reminisced the past..

Those times where I always doubted him.. That I even accused him because of my filthy jealousy..

I destroyed the person who's really true to me. That person who's been there all this time. He was hurt but he never complain nor getting made at me. But he remained silent instead. He took all the blame and pain just to make me feel better..

Oh my god...

"Raine.." He held my wrist. "Look at me,"

I shook my head for how many times. I am too embarrassed for looking at him. I feel like I was too greedy for his good heart. That I don't even deserved his forgiveness..

When I thought about of just how many times did he experienced pain because of me, makes me want to cry more! I know this won't help me but I kept this to myself for a long time..

I was too denial before, that I only think that I'm right. That I'm always right.. But the truth was, I'm the one who made things go wrong. That I'm the one who's slowly destroying him.. Fuck this.

"Just please... Look at me.." He held my both shoulders but I still can't have the courage to look at him.

I am too ashamed of what happened. And how I hurt him the most.

"I..c-can't.." I bit my lower lip and wiped my tears. "I d-didn't want to look at y-you.."

"Why? It's because you already fell for someone else?" I was taken a back with what he said.

I don't have an idea of what is he saying. I just don't want to show my face but he's thinking of something else?

"I know I'm being pathetic but please.. Don't try to confuse me again, Raine. I can't take another heartbreak again.."

I cried more when I heard his whimpers.. Oh god, Noah's crying now!

"N-noah.." I tried to take his hand but he immediately shook his head.

Yeah, right. I was waiting for this time.. That he'll eventually hate me for this. Because I know I deserved it.

"You fucking left me, Raine! You fucking left me alone in this lonely world!" His jaw tightened and his eyes furiously burned in front of me. "You never listened nor even understand me.."

He closed his eyes and tears streamed down his face. He grabbed his other hand and bit his lower lip in so much pain. I can't stand seeing him hurt, so I just looked away watching him cry beside me..

"I'm sorry.."

That's the only thing that I can say right now. I was guilty for everything but I didn't know how to make him feel better when I was the one who caused him pain.

It also pains me seeing him suffer because of me but I can't do anything to make him feel better.. He's such a pure hearted and a caring person. Anyone who experienced that will automatically fell for him.

That he's a full-package. He isn't perfect but he's doing his best just to become a better person to me..

And that's what I wasted for how many years. I can't believed I was stupid all this time. That I was blinded with my own speculations..

"I tried right?" He brushed his fair with his fingers while he's looking at me emotionally. "I tried to explain everything to you for how many times but..you never listened.. You think that I'm going to fool you but I can't do that, Raine because I love you!"

"I'm sorry.."

I wanted to get angry at myself for only saying sorry now.. I felt like it's ripping my heart inside my chest.

"I wasn't in love with anybody. Only you, Raine.. I was deeply in love with you before, I just don't know why you can't see that." There's a resentment in his tone. That he really gone too far, because of his heartbreak.

Damn it. You fool, Raine! You're a crazy fool!

"I did tried to pursue you and to make you believed me but you pushed me away and you even told me to stay away from you forever.. Do you know how hurt it was in my part?"

I just kept on crying in front of him. I didn't have anything to say to him anymore..

"I was asking myself why can't you trust me? Am I that hard to trust, huh? Do I looked like I'm going to hurt you?"

His brows furrowed while his eyes directly locked on mine. It's still amusing that he's still calm in his place. That he didn't crossed the line just because he's upset.

But nothing compares to what I'm feeling right now.. I feel like someone was stabbing my heart with a knife inside.. That I won't be able to survived this on my own.

I was consumed with my own misery..

"But the hardest part was.." He sighed. "No matter how you hurt me, I still understand you.."

"Noah.." Oh god.

"That even if you caused me pain for how many times, I can't find myself hating you this much. I may looked stupid but what can I do? I love you too much that I can't resist getting mad at you even if you hurt me this much.."

"I'll do everything to make it up to you, Noah--"

"No.." He shook his head. "I'm good now, Raine.. I'm stronger than before.."

He tried to act normal which made my heart ached inside. He didn't possibly moved on from me right? He still have feelings for me, right?

I was too weak and shy to ask him those things, because I'm thinking that it's too shameful to ask him when I was the one who left. That I was the one who caused him pain..

"I won't force you to love me again if you're worried about it now.." He even chuckled after saying that. He wiped his tears before trying to smile a bit.

He held my hand tighter while wearing his genuine smile. That's telling me, everything's alright..

"Don't worry, I already forgive you.." He smiles again.. Shit. "And I wanted you to know that I don't hate you and I can't hate you despite everything.."

"Why?"

I wanted to hear it from him. I wanted to hear that he still loves me.. And with that, I'll really give it a try again..

He looked away. He just released a heavy breath for how many times and eventually shook his head. I suddenly felt nervous for what he'll going to say..

"Are you giving up on me?"

Even I feel chocked when I said that.. I am now afraid to hear it.. What if he really gave up on me? What am I gonna do if he really was?

"I'm not going to give up if you'll give me a chance again.."

My heart suddenly beats so fast. All I could do is to stare at this gorgeous man in front of me right now.. He's asking for my permission shit.

He wants to give it a chance again!

I can't hide my happiness anymore. I immediately smiled widely at him and nodded for how many times. This time, I'll really hold on to what we have.

"Fuck, baby. Really?" His eyes widened.

I nodded again and bit my lower lip. Finally.. We will give it a try again..

To be continued...