Chapter 190 - Let Go

"I'm really really sorry Jacob.. I just wanted to talk to him, It's not my intention to ditch you.. Believe me,"

I don't know what to say anymore, now that he already caught me. I can't even make an excuse because it's clear that I choose to go with Noah.

"Don't cry. I'm disappointed but I can't stand seeing you like that, come here.." he opened his arms, trying to embrace me.

I even cried more when he tried to understand me again. I pressed my face on his shoulder as I felt his warm embrace around my body.. Why is he so kind? I can't break his heart like this.

"Do you know how ugly you are when you cry?" He teased while hugging me.

I just chuckled and cry more. I don't want to let him go but I didn't want him to suffer in my arms too. I'll just become a selfish bitch. I don't deserved his love..

"Stop crying then.." he pulled away and wiped my tears with his thumb.

His brows furrowed while wiping it and I just can't help but to stare at his face. I wanted us to be friends but we can't be like that like how I want because he does have a feelings for me.

I am now thinking if I should let him stop now. It's breaking my heart seeing him waiting for me, but I can't seem to teach my heart to love him instead. I felt another tears on my cheeks, I just can't help it.

"I told you to stop crying, Raine. I can't let your friends see you like this." He bit his lower lip and wiped it again.

"You should stop now.."

My voice shakes in pain. I didn't want to do this but this is the only thing I know to prevent him from experiencing pain..

He sighed heavily and just ignore what I said. He moved away and smiled like he didn't heard it. "I'm going now. You should go inside, it's cold.."

"Jacob.."

My eyes were bloodshot for shedding too much tears. Oh god. I hope he would give up now, it will be hard for me to reject him if we still continue this.

"I'll go first then," he started to walk away but I pulled out his hand.

"Please.." I cried.

"Stop it, Raine. I don't want to hear it again." He closed his eyes and stayed in his position.

I know I'm bad for doing this to him, where he only expressed his love for me.. But I don't want to fool myself too. My heart was still belongs to Noah and I don't think it would ever change..

"You should give up now, Jacob. Please don't hurt yourself more.. I don't want you to suffer because of me--"

"I know, Raine! If you only realized it now, but me..in the first place, I know it would hurt. But I still choose to stay because I'm hoping that you'll love me too!"

I feel like my world ended when I saw him tearing in front of me. Shit.

"I'm sorry.." that's the only thing that I could say right now..

I was like a freakin' shit, acting hurt but the truth was.. I was the one who hurt him..

"Do you know how much you hurt me?"

"J-jacob.."

He punched his chest, his eyes watered covering the pain that was bound to burst out in him. This is just so worst, seeing him like this makes me want to take back what I've said..

"I like you.."

I looked away after saying that. Yes, I admit that I do have a feelings for him.

I was denial of my feelings before, that I just felt something because I value him as my friend but.. Another thing made me realized that it's not just a feeling for a friend.. It's something that made me go crazy thinking about it.

But when Noah came, I realized that my feelings for Jacob wasn't that deep as the feeling that I felt with Noah..

"W-what did you s-say...?" His eyes widened and all I could do is to keep biting my lips.

Damn it.

"D-did I heard you r-right? Tell me, Raine.."

He touched my chin and turned it to his face. I don't want to look at him but it's too late.

We're already facing each other now. His puffed and hopeful gaze made me realized how much I cared for him.. I wanted to look at him the way he look at me but I can't. In this battle, I know one of us will be left broken and messed up.

"But I don't like you enough.." he stunned when I said it. "I still love him.."

I started to cry and embraced him tightly. I wanted to hold him for the last time, I'm not certain if he can still be with me after this. And I'd prefer him to just forget about me, his feelings were more important than me right now. I wanted to protect him at least, he's been so good to me and this is the only thing I know to save his heart from breaking too much.

"Do you really want me to stop?" I can feel the pain in every words that he said.. I don't.

But I didn't say what I'm thinking. I feel so awful right now. Keeping him isn't the best thing to do.

"Yes.." I gathered all my strength to answer him directly in his eyes. "I can't hurt you anymore.."

Another tear escape from my eyes again and this time, I was the one who wiped it. I can't let him do that for me again. Not anymore..

And I didn't expect him to nod, a sign of his agreement. "Okay. Just don't cry.. It makes me think that you actually love me.." 

He didn't wiped my tears nor touched me. He just simply smiled and walked away...

But instead of being relieved, I felt pain inside my chest as I watched his back slowly moving far from me.. Jacob...

I was slowly killed inside while watching the person who made me feel loved walking away from me.. Like, I'm starting to imagine my life without him.. Shit.

I was about to run to embrace him at least but then my phone suddenly rings.. I immediately took it out while still watching Jacob. But I'm surprised when I saw that he's the one who messaged me!

"Don't try to run to me. I'm not fine but soon I'll be better.. Don't worry too much. If he hurt you again, If I'm not around just wait for me. It may takes a time, but I'll be coming to you.."

Damn it. How can he still be so nice? It makes my heart ache for him.. 

I bit my lower lip before looking back to on his position earlier. He's gone.. Jacob was gone...

I don't know if how many tears that I shed that night, I just find myself crying all night and when I woke up this morning my eyes feels sore and heavy..

"You cried?" Jessy asked during our breakfast. 

I bit my lower lip and tifle a laugh. "Yeah. I just read some books last night and it's tragic.."

I immediately finished my food so she wouldn't ask more. I'm also thankful that Gia and Sam were busy so they can't meet us today.. They're more intruging than Jessy..

I sat on my computer desk after that and tried to entertain myself to some movies or social medias. I was really affected to the point that I wanted to check up on him..

I was just distracted when my phone suddenly rings and Noah's name popped up on my device..

He's asking if it's okay to call me and he even apologized for disturbing me. I'm not in the mood but I just said yes, since I wanted to hear his voice too.. 

"Hey.. You okay?" 

I bit my lower lip and lied down on my bed. It's still morning but I feel so heavy..

"Y-yeah.. Just not in the mood.."

"Oh. Then, should I hung up now?"

"No, no, no! It's fine.." 

"Really? I'm worried.."

I heard him sighed. I know, he's still adjusting to the situation..

"I love you.." I don't know where it came from but it suddenly came out in me..

I heard him gasped. "Damn, I love you more, baby..."

In his voice, I know he's smiling right now and it's an enough reason for me to smile today.. He's just too good at making me feel at ease..

"Can I see you?" I asked, biting my lips.

"Sure! I'll go get change now, you should too!" 

"Okay, drive safely.."

I hung up the phone and immediately get changed. This is right. I should stop being stressed about it. Noah's here for me and I'm lucky for that.

I choose to wear a denim skirt and a cropped top off-shoulder blouse.. I'm already tall, so I just wore a simple white sneakers..

"Pretty.."

Noah muttered as soon as I reached the parking lot.

"Let's go?" I asked.

He was wearing a white polo and and a black slacks which is really like his style.. He also smelled good!

"Come here.." he gestured me to come closer and that's what I did. 

And I'm surprised when he leaned to give me a kiss and smirked like a handsome jerk!

"I can't help it that's why.. You're too beautiful.."

And I can't help but blushed for that!

To be continued..