Crusade – Chapter 79: An Overdue Talk

GamingWolf

As things take a turn for the worse in my life, I am doing something that do not like and put the Patreon up front and telling you that it is a thing that gets you advanced chapters and side stories. If you feel like I deserve your support, thank you, if you just want to enjoy some words in your free time. You are welcome. I hope your 2020 is going better than mine.

Aperio sat in silence next to her daughter. An idle thought spurred her to check on how Maria was doing. Despite being in Ferio's domain, she could still feel the connection to the girl. Even when she had not focused on it, the healing of Maria's soul had never once been interrupted.

She hadn't forgotten it, but neither had she given the act of soul healing any additional thought. After she had set the process in motion, it continued on its own. Kind of like the even speedier improvement of my body… Is this normal for a Goddess?

Thinking about it a little more, however, she had always been able to focus on a great many things. Even when her accursed collar had bottlenecked her actions to one thing at a time, her mind had still been free to latch on to multiple things. So, perhaps, this is normal for everyone?

"May I ask you a few questions, Ferio?" Aperio asked.

"Of course," her daughter replied. "Just don't be disappointed if I do not know the answers. You weren't in the habit of sharing how things worked, leaving the pantheon to figure things out on our own."

"The first one is more likely to make you question my intelligence," Aperio said, absentmindedly brushing her hand along her wings. "Is it normal that I can work on so many things at once? I feel like it should be possible, and yet I am doing far more than just two things at the same time."

Ferio giggled at the question, confirming that it was as stupid as Aperio had suspected. I really know nothing, don't I?

"Mortals are notoriously bad at multitasking. Some acquire skills that help them, but most are stuck doing a thing and maybe thinking about something else," Ferio explained, smiling at her mother's almost pouting expression. "As Goddesses, however, we don't really have the luxury of just doing one thing. I answer countless prayers at the same time every hour of the day, something you might, sooner or later, have to do, or else you'll simply start ignoring the mortals like you did before."

"So a part of my divinity was there when I was a slave? How was the collar able to work, then? Or was it like that because I am what I am?" But why couldn't I just kill them all, then?

Ferio's smile vanished at the mention of her mother's past. "I don't know. This is one of the things you’ve never told anyone. To me and many others, you were a kind of constant for all of existence. That you could die — even if only momentarily — had not crossed our minds."

"And the ones that would know are dead," Aperio said, drawing her wings closer to her body. "Perhaps I should find the others that tried to take control of the System first?"

"Who tried to take control of the System?" Ferio asked, her voice sounding just a little more sharp. "Can they even do that?"

"Lor'Kem, Heshtar, and Epemirial are the only ones left that tried to access 'higher privileged functions'," Aperio replied. "I do not know what it meant by that, but the System rejected them without my input." And if my hunch is correct, they could not control the System without controlling...

"…Is that what Vigil and Inanis tried to do?" Aperio mumbled to herself as she retreated deeper into her wings. "Control me?"

Ferio wrapped her arms around her mother as best she could, Aperio's wings twitching ever-so-slightly at the touch. "They failed, and neither Vigil nor Inanis can try again."

"But what if they were not the ones who planned it?" Aperio asked, peeking at her daughter over the edge of her wing. "Neither of them seemed prepared to face me in any way when I went after them. All they had was my bow, and some arrows for it.

"They could have injured me, but even though the arrows were hard to grasp with my magic, they were not dangerous." I probably could have simply plucked them from the air without slowing them down first.

Ferio remained silent for a while, continuing to stroke her mother's back in an attempt to soothe her. "Calm, Mother. Please," she said when she finally spoke again. "If you don't keep your aura in check, you might break my Dominion. We will find out what happened. It will just take a bit of time. Time in which to retrieve your memories, and time after that for you to sort through them."

"Why does everything break when I am not perfectly in control?" Aperio asked nobody in particular as she let her head hang, the tiny arcs that had started to dance across her wings vanishing. "Did I make all of this to punish myself?"

"I don't know. Nobody but you can know," Ferio said. "But what I do know is something I have said many times. Something that bears repeating. You are not alone, Mother, and you have multiple people to call upon for help. We all offer it to you. Please accept it."

Aperio did not resist as her daughter moved to lift her chin. At least I can show emotion in front of my own daughter now. The tears were clearly visible on her face, something quite unbecoming of her stature. But, ever since her breakdown, it was like the gates holding her emotions in check had fallen apart; taking the annoying feeling of disgust with them.

"Let Laelia lead your church. She is your Scion, and she knows people who might have more insight into whatever Vigil and Inanis had planned," Ferio said as she produced a small red cloth that she used to clean Aperio's face. "Going eons without talking about your emotions can't have been good. Even if you can't remember most of it now."

"What did I even do the entire time?" 

The obvious request to change topics was easily understood by her daughter, who shrugged in response. "You added things to the System, I know that much. Classes were one of the more recent additions, and one of the first to go again after you vanished. Aside from that, I'm not sure." She tilted her head slightly in thought, her hand tapping against her chin. "Maybe you made more worlds? You did say that calmed you, once."

Make something? Most of what she had done had been the opposite of that, achieving far more death and destruction than life and creation. I haven't really been a Creator, have I?

"Perhaps I should try that. But, there is something I have been meaning to ask," Aperio said. "West of Ebenlowe there is a forest with a very deep dungeon. Do you know anything about either of those?"

"I only know about the forest there," Ferio replied. "That's one of Root's projects. The Eternal Forest. It never told me what it's for, but I didn't really care either. As far as I know, the forest consists of Ironbarks Roots personally modified."

"The wood of those trees was able to injure me. I am not sure that is still true now, but even right after my return metal and stone was… fragile. The trees managed to pierce my skin and even break off a few of my feathers."

"That would be quite the feat," Ferio said as she sat back, letting the cloth vanish, "even if you were significantly weaker then, which I am not so sure about. Perhaps it is best to ask Roots about that. I bet it would be thrilled to see you; as thrilled as that stupid tree gets, at least."

"You do not like Roots? I thought you two got along quite well," Aperio replied with a slight tilt of her head. The prospect of learning more about what she would now consider her family was vastly preferable to talking about her past; even when she knew she should do the latter.

Her daughter let out a heavy sigh at her words, her hand moving to rub the bridge of her nose as if it was the most appropriate action. "It's just that it doesn't make sense. I know you made it to be a neutral party and System overseer, but neither your nor it would tell me why, or what that even means."

"I am sorry that I did not tell you," Aperio said. "But even if I would want to now, I cannot. If you wish I could ask Roots to explain it to you?" Would it even listen to me? …Probably.

"No," Ferio replied with a shake of her head. "I'd rather you tell me when you remember. I haven't known what it does for who knows how long, a few more years won't change much."

"Years? Why would it take years?" Ferio should know as well as she did that distance was more of a suggestion for her. Nothing would stop her from tearing holes into reality to go where she wished. Which makes me having to be there make even less sense… Unless I can't teleport myself there?

"It's been a while since you destroyed the first crystal," Ferio replied. "I had assumed you wanted to take a bit of time after each one to see if something happens that you did not expect."

"I probably should do that," Aperio mumbled. "But, I guess I just did not want to face the past." I still don't want to. The thought that it would inflict the same pain as the past she could already remember did not want to leave her mind.

"I won't force you — not that I could — but I still think it would be best if you retrieve more of your memories."

"I know you are right," Aperio said, shifting her wings as she moved to stand. "It just does not make my doubts vanish. Even though I wish that was the case."

With a thought, Aperio smoothed out the tiny imperfections in her dress that came from sitting for what had felt like days. Another started the slow process of finally replacing the last bits of normal thread that were still in her garment. I also need to adjust its size… Maybe add some armour?

Thinking about anything but the decision she had to make was nice, but the nagging voice at the back of her mind did not let her push it away any longer. With a sigh and a slight shake of her head, Aperio turned around.

"Once Maria has come to a decision, I will leave for Procul. Alone. I know there is a dungeon there that was somehow connected to the one below Ebenlowe."

"Are you sure you want to go alone?" Ferio asked. "Depending on others is not some weakness you need to rid yourself of, Mother. Everyone else depends on something, even if it is only your System. Why shouldn't you be allowed to?"

"I just need some time to think; clear my head. It is not like I will vanish into my Void again and ignore everything. You can still talk to me, and the others can pray, but I just need to be alone for a while."

Ferio looked at her mother with an expression that Aperio could not quite place. Is she scared? "Promise me you will come back," Ferio said, standing up and wrapping her arms around Aperio in a hug that would have killed a mortal woman. "Don't disappear again, Mother. Please."

"I promise," Aperio said, gently returning her daughter's hug. "I will not disappear again."

"How do you expect to deal with the mortals you will find? Are you gonna hide your wings?"

Aperio tilted her head slightly as she thought. Ferio had said that the mortals would sooner or later figure out what she was, but hiding her wings might delay that a little. But it hurts, and feels wrong.

"I do not know yet," Aperio replied, holding her daughter just a little tighter. "But I am sure I can think of something. I will need to finish fixing my dress before I go, however."

"Why not just use one of your old ones? Adapting those to your new physique should be easier than making one from scratch."

Why didn't I think of this? As soon as the idea was brought up, she knew exactly where to look. ... How do I get in there, though? When she had retrieved her weapon she had been fueled by rage and anger; not exactly a state she wanted to return to anytime soon.

Simply wanting to open a portal to that specific plane did not work. For a moment Aperio considered using her weapon to slice reality apart to see if that would work, but decided against it as they were still in Ferio's Dominion. That would probably not end well.

Splitting the threads of reality with her will was somehow very different than doing it with her swordstaff. Even though I also made the weapon...

"I will think about it."

"Once you figured out how you actually managed to get your weapon back?" Ferio asked with a small smile.

"Yes."

After a moment of silence, Aperio very carefully ended their embrace. "I think it is time to return. The others might start to worry otherwise."

"It's only been a few hours, Mother," Ferio said. "This is not your Void, time does not lose its meaning here."

"So it is not just my sense of time being off?"

A small laugh escaped Ferio as a portal started to form behind her. "No, your sense of time is also very much off. It always has been. 'This will only take a moment' would sometimes end with you staring intently at nothing for hours."

Aperio just shook her head as she stepped past her daughter through the portal. Not even time is working correctly.

GamingWolf

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