Chapter 198

"At that time, I was 28 years old. Leaving aside the 19-year-old who didn't know what I wanted and didn't want, and the 23-year-old who didn't have the courage to face up to me even though I knew what I didn't want, my career gradually stabilized when I was 28, which made me often lost and made me think highly of myself. I often feel that it's your fault that you can't fall in love with me wholeheartedly because of the excellent me and the attractive you. Yes, I've been so scared that I want you to be able to give me equal feelings like me. As soon as I think of you, before your eyes touch me, you have a fellow who takes good care of you. When you mention him, his eyes are gentle and his tone is gentle, I will be crazy with jealousy. I especially want to smash your past. But I'm just an ordinary man. In addition to the aura of economic conditions, I'm just an ordinary man. I don't have a perfect way to grind those mustard that make me crazy. "

After a long pause, Li Yan continued: "I've tried so hard to prove to you that I can do better than he Yujin, but when I put myself in the imaginary war situation, I've lost to the ground. I went into a situation of worrying about gain and loss. I deliberately arranged for you to work in he Yujin's factory. I just wanted to prove from the side that even if he Yujin swayed in front of you, you only had me in your eyes. But I get the answer, often erratic. When you smile to me, I am sure you will only see me. When you look into the distance, I will be afraid that you are full of loneliness around me. I began to advance to the next seesaw madness. In my heart, there are two groups of forces fighting. One of them advised me to defend my position. Even if I was a usurper, I had to bind you to me all the time. One of them acted as a virgin, forcing me to let you go and let you look for the vast sky that you most longed for. I have been pierced by these contradictions. Just then, Lu Xiaoran came back. The appearance of Lu Xiaoran made me panic. I began to panic. I was afraid that the evil relationship between you and me in the early years would be spread out. I was afraid that you would misunderstand me. I had the greatest malice towards you. I could only tear down the east wall to make up for the west wall. The more I hid and tucked in, the more I walked into the road of no return that I could not speak to you. I'm too afraid that you will go away when you know what happened, and I'm too afraid that you will fall into self blame. I also gradually in this contradictory psychology, more and more obsessive, extreme. I'm afraid of your colleagues who walk away, and I sink into the dilemma that I'm a scum man. I feel more and more guilty when I think that I fell in love with you who led the gangster to Lu Xiaoran. I feel more and more that my feelings are dishonorable. It's like the one I stole. "

Relying on breath after breath, my eyes can finally open a small crack. I look at Li Yan, but I just see his face as if it was covered with mist. I am as angry as a floating thread: "don't talk about Li Yan, save some energy..."

Still stuck in his talk, Li Yan's strength became weaker and weaker: "I always want to find a chance to make up for Lu Xiaoran, which can be regarded as buying up my guilt for her, so that I can feel more at ease and enjoy the love I first met in my life. But money compensation, which I hate, I am using the superficial way I hate to buy out the past. Later, when we were in Wusun, you fell into the river, and Lu Xiaoran jumped down, and I also jumped down. At that time, I had water in my eyes, and I couldn't see who was close to me at all. I could only catch the one close to me by instinct. After I caught it, I found it was Lu Xiaoran. You accidentally fell into the water at that time. You are desperately trying to save yourself. You can hold on for a while. Lu Xiaoran committed suicide. She has no desire to survive. In her state, even if I hesitated for a second, she was 100% dead. I wanted to end my gratitude and resentment with Lu Xiaoran. I couldn't throw her away and swim to you at that moment. I took her to the shore. I wanted to go back to you immediately. I was so anxious that I didn't pay attention to the road. I tripped over the dead branch under my feet and fell down. My head knocked on the stone and suddenly lost consciousness. As soon as I lay down for a few days, I woke up. My first reaction was to go to you. But before I could take action, I received the so-called iron evidence that you cheated on he Yujin. He Yu sent you home today, the photos of you smiling at him, the photos of you singing and dancing with him in KTV, the photos of you eating with him at dinner, the photos of you entering his home at night, the photos of you going to the hotel with him, and the photos of you going to the hospital with him. These photos can't really explain anything now. But my evil spirit is so powerful that it unconsciously leads me to regard he Yujin as my biggest competitor. He has also become the deepest mustard rooted in my heart. After I'm sure you're safe, my anger and unwillingness envelop me. I'd like to ask you, but I hesitated and tore. I didn't have the courage after all. "

"I'm not so proud that I can't afford to lose, but I still have expectations."

Li Yan said: "I'm too afraid to lose to you. I don't dare to show you all my cards. I have expectations. I hope that after I say goodbye, you will angrily refuse, you will scold me, you will argue, and you will use all your hard spirit Against my decision to break up, how I want to see you like this. But no, you calm my heart, let me shocked, let me think that even if I have so negative distance with you, you are still that I can not penetrate you. Except you are calm or calm, all your reason becomes the iron evidence that you have never loved me in my opinion, which is the most terrible fact I would not like to face. I want to encircle you crazily. I want to encircle you until you ask me for mercy and show me weakness. However, once I make a move at chess, there will be no place for me. Because as soon as you leave, all my chess games will be broken. If I don't have the moves carried by the chess game, and if I have more moves, I can only end up in failure. "It was a sharp cough again. Li Yan's cough cut through the light and heavy mountain wind and blew back to my eardrum, leaving me a throb that I could no longer refute. His voice gradually dropped: "after you left, everything went wrong with me. First, Wanjia, the problem of accumulation began to break out, and I couldn't cope with it day and night. Later, I officially settled in Baolun. In order not to let my grandfather's family business be destroyed in my hands, I worked hard as if walking on thin ice. I tried my best, and I tried to sweep away my frustration with busyness. Then things went wrong, wave after wave. The conflict between my father and my mother finally hit the bottom and rebounded. The two of them, who were both over 100 years old, completely tore their faces and fought like a raging fire. My mother was ill. I know that she doesn't love me as much as she shows. She always wants to have a girl who can dress her like a princess every day. I am her son who is divorced from her. My only role for her is to consolidate her unshakable position in Lao Li's family, but she overestimates my role. If a rich man wants to get worse, a lot of women will come one after another. But my father has never been a man with a special sense of family responsibility. The aura of economic blessing on him will only make him more presumptuous. Their fire, if it burns, will come to me. Even if I live to be 100 years old again, I think I will still yearn for peace and stability. I saw through their open and secret struggle, and I finally put down my obsession and persuaded them to divorce and let each other go. But my mom's sick. Her life is too proud, she does not want to lower her head, all her anger depression in the liver, her illness came mighty. She is sometimes sober and sometimes confused, but she is more confused. I ran out to find her in the cold and rainy night for countless times. I watched her lose her mind more and more, and I doubted more and more what the meaning of living was. When you called me two years ago, I. At that time, my mother was rescuing. Sorry, Chen Shi, I thought my mother would die at that moment. I couldn't give you the extra time. Before I could react, my mobile phone fell down. The mobile phone that followed me for several years seemed to scorn me who broke into your world in an ignominious way. It seemed to want to fight me to the end. It was just after you called me , fell to the ground in pieces. When my mom's done, it's a few days away. I want to call you back, but I don't have the courage. I thought it was just an ordinary phone call, but I didn't think it would be the last regret I could make

After lengthening his intonation, Li yangeng stopped for a long time. He continued to go his own way and said, "maybe this is retribution. as a man sows , so let him reap. I'm not bright, I'm not upright, I'm not magnanimous, so I deserve all this. At the hotel that night, I heard you tell me your life experiences, and I hated myself at that moment. As a man, I didn't stand tall and upright, didn't give you shelter, I also let you go through the ordeal, all to myself. I'm shocked that you once gave birth to a child belonging to us. I'm shocked that you pulled him hard. I'm shocked that I've never done my duty. I'm still allowed to hold the deepest hostility to you. When I look back on my feelings towards you, I suddenly find that I'm just so sad. I'm just like Lu Xiaoran, selfish and overemphasizing myself If I magnify my feelings too much, I will be blinded. I am a contradiction, I hate you at the same time, also mystify to send you flowers, I sent the flower language, is to forgive. After the farce between you and he Yujin ended, I felt the pain of revenge, but I was also afraid that you could not survive. I played the bear on your way home. Before I named myself brick, I didn't know that I really deserved to be trampled on by thousands of people. I only regarded this name as the existence of matching little stone. However, when the truth was put aside, I got angry Now I'm doing something wrong. In this relationship between you and me, your tenacity can be carved out to be worshiped, and mine should be reviled. "

After stagnating for a longer time, Li Yan breathed a sigh, and the stability in his voice was broken like an ant nest: "Chen Shi, people like me are not qualified to enjoy the blessing of heaven, but you are not the same. You are good at life, you are a bright girl, your life should not stop in this valley and cliff, you are not the same With aura, Li Chun can also give you a platform. If you go on, your name will be loud. I will not let your life stop here, I will let you out alive. I will let you out alive. In the name of loving you, I promise you that I will have it. "

There seems to be something exploding in my ears. After the booming tinnitus, my hearing is gradually blurred. I can see Li Yan's mouth is still fanning slightly from the gap between my eyes, but I can no longer hear what he is saying.

I still can't support it. I'm being dragged by collapse, and I'm slowly approaching the gate of life and death.

In the next few days, my consciousness was not clear. I felt that Li Yan opened my mouth to feed me water and crushed grains of dry food, but I had no strength to resist any action of him.

I don't know how long it took for me to float in such a chaotic darkness. I suddenly felt a wisp of light wantonly climbing to open my eyes. My whole body was weak. I couldn't do such a strong light at all.The moment I opened my eyes, when I was looking at the following white clouds, my first thought in a trance was that I had hung up. As soon as I thought that I might be stepping on the road of the yellow spring, I opened my eyes more vigorously.

This time, Li Chun's face came into view.

With a deep frown, Li Chun grinned: "I thought you had to die. I didn't expect that your life was tough."

For a few minutes, I finally realized that I had been rescued. However, I could not help the joy of the rest of my life. My first reaction from my head was: "where's Li Yan? Where is he? How's he doing? Did he wake up, too? Where is he? Li Chunyan, where is he

After feeling in his pocket, Li Chun took out a light picture and dropped it in front of me: "this is the donkey friend who rescued you and found his relic in the place where the incident happened."

Relics!

My head seemed to be blasted by a thunderbolt from the ground. I tried my best to get up, but my body still couldn't move for half a minute. In the end, I was pinned on the hospital bed by physical force majeure. As soon as I opened my mouth with a sharp voice, I was hoarse and full of tears: "Li Chun, you are a liar. You must be cheating. You hate Li Yan because you hate him He can't die, so you have to curse him like this, don't you! No matter how bad he is, it's a human life! Do you need to curse him like this! Tell me, he's alive. He's alive! At that time, he. He's better than me. He can't die! He can't just starve to death! Impossible, he can't end like this, impossible! You, Li Chun, don't always mean what you say. I know that you mean bad luck. I don't believe any word you say! I don't believe a word! "

Facing my shrew like reaction calmly, Li Chun frowned and said slowly: "you were in Dongya for 13 days, he didn't eat anything at all, but he didn't starve to death in the end. In order to save you, he climbed up half a pier and cried for help. He fell down, hit the back of his head and lost too much blood. Such a fate is fair. He was born with a golden key. He wanted what he was born with, but God was fair. He enjoyed the smooth journey of the first half of his life, and it was fair that he finally got this fate arrangement. "

Tears are like a rainstorm. I still want to support myself with my hands. After finding my futility again, I can only open my palms and keep beating both sides of the bed. My collapse can no longer be placed in the darkest corner of my body. They all run out. They make my voice whimper intermittently like a helpless road that can't find my way back Dog: "you must be lying to me. I don't believe anything you say! And Li Chun, even if you hate Li Yan again, he is your cousin, he is your brother by blood! No matter how far the blood relationship is, you can't change the fact that he is your cousin! But you can be so cold-blooded, so calm, curse him here! Li Chun, you are so cold-blooded

Eyebrow shallow light down, Li Chun this time took out the mobile phone, he operated more than ten seconds, then he put the screen to me: "you can not believe what I said, then you see the news how to say."

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