35 Do you really...with him?

"please." my grandfather is begging on his knees. "please."

"i don't think that we can let this go this time." the headmaster looks at him and sighs. "she has pushed him off the window. the boy barely survived. it will take him months of physical therapy to walk again. the parents can't be controlled. this cannot be removed from her records. it is better if she leaves the school. i can't help it."

he turns his head away.

"there must be some way." my grandfather mumbles. his eyes are filled with tears. "if she is kicked out of this school, she won't get admission anywhere else with that record."

i should tell him that i don't want to study anymore, but i can't. the words fail to leave my lips. he won't listen to me. he won't believe me. nobody believes me. they have made up their minds.

i am the one who pushed the boy. i am the one who has sent him the note and asked him to meet me in the empty classroom. i am the one who pushed him out of the window when he resisted my advances to have sex with him.

that's the truth that everyone believes. the note is proof. the boy is the victim. my classmates are testifying against me. i am the girl who has sold my body for money in the school. so, nobody believes me.

my grandfather keeps begging. he doesn't believe me. my grandmother is helplessly looking at him. she doesn't believe me either. it's useless to say anything. anything at all.

i step back slowly. nobody notices me. i am tired. extremely tired. i walk away from them as they continue to talk about my doomed future. i keep walking until i reach the school gate. not surprisingly, nobody tries to stop me. i leave the school. i don't have any destination. at this moment, i only want to disappear.

if only disappearing has been easy...

i find myself standing on the bridge. the surface of the river is brightened by the sunlight, shimmering beautifully. i want to feel beautiful. is it possible? i climb up and look down at the river. can it help me disappear? if possible, i don't even want them to find my body. it's better if the river buries me in its womb or the fishes eat my flesh. it's better if it takes me somewhere far away.

i let go, but i don't fall. a pair of strong arms are wrapped around my waist.

"if you go, i will follow you." i can feel his cheek pressed against my back. his heart is beating hard. he is scared. if i take another step, both of us will fall. i can take him along with me. i want to be selfish and do it. if ren is with me in the afterlife, it won't be lonely.

we don't talk for a long time. i let him cry. i don't know how i feel. i close my eyes. it is not easy being selfish.

***

i open my eyes and find his strong arms wrapped around my waist with his body pressed against my back. his hot breath is lingering near my neck. kamiyama is warm.

i sigh. ren. it has been better if he has never appeared in my life again. i can't hate him.

i try to unlock his arms around my waist, but this guy is sleeping like an elephant. his hold is super strong. just how did he end up in my bed? i don't remember him opening the door for him. did i ask him to see me?

"who do you think you are?" i manage to turn around and face him. his arms are still tightly holding me. i slap his sleeping face. "wake up!"

he doesn't. in his sleep, he actually dares to pull me closer to him. i grit my teeth and slap his face until his cheeks are red. he grumbles and opens his one eye lazily. "let me sleep."

"sleep in your own bed." i slap his face again. "are you out of your mind, huh? why are you in my bed?"

he asks me sullenly, "why did you not lock the door?"

did i not? "i must have forgotten, but why are you here?"

"i am guarding you against weird men."

"kamiyama, you are the weird man."

suddenly, he rolls over me, covering me with his body. his nose is practically touching mine. i struggle to kick his nuts, but he presses me down with his feet.

"i want to be the only weird man."

"what?" did he do drugs? this man is becoming stranger day by day. "kamiyama, weird man go to prison for sexual harassment."

"you speak too much in the morning."

"you bastar-" kamiyama presses his lips over mine and inserts his tongue quickly. his one hand is already inside my shirt. his warm hand pinches the tip of my bosom teasingly. this man is too fast at these things. he is really experienced.

he kisses me fiercely, exploring the nook and cranny of my mouth with a need that i don't understand. i get it. this guy can't live a day without sex.

fine. i will use him too. if life throws lemons, it is only natural to use it for the cocktail. i would rather be the one who does the eating than become someone's food. i put my hand in his pant and play with the tip of his rod. his body stiffens, but he doesn't stop ravaging my mouth. alright. wait, kamiyama, wait.

"rieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!"

i squeeze his cock hard, startled by ren's scream. kamiyama pushes me away instantly. he looks at me, flabbergasted and pained. i realized that i might have done some wrong to his important male part.

"rie chan!" ren slams the door. "open the door. are you awake? rie chan, it's morning. wake up. wake up. wake up."

"tch!" kamiyama glares at me. "your friends are stranger than you are."

"when it comes to being strange, nobody can reach your level." i get out of bed and fix my clothes. i don't give him another glance. when i open the door, ren falls forward in the room. i step aside before he can fall on me.

"ow!" ren lifts up his head and takes a glance at me. "are you okay, rie chan? did he do anything strange to you? last night, he kicked me out of the room. i yelled a lot to wake you up, but you were deeply asleep. i slept outside the room and kept waiting for you to wake up."

he turns his head toward kamiyama who is still on the bed. "did he sleep with you?"

"yes, we have that kind of relationship." i cross my arms. "why are you here?"

"um..." ren sits on the floor, cross-legged. "do you like him?"

"i don't." his questions make me more irritated. "but, i don't have to like someone to sleep with him. he is good in bed."

from the corner of my eyes, i can see kamiyama smirk. i want to slap that smirk off his face. later, i decide. i have to draw a line between me and kamiyama.

"oh." he bows down his head. "the special round is starting. let's go together."

"i don't want to." i don't want to play against ren. seeing him for one more moment is...hard.

"rie chan, do you really...with him?" ren looks at me intensely.

"yes." i know that i care. if i didn't care, i wouldn't bother answering him. "what does it got to do with you?"

"you can't do it anymore." ren stands up and grabs my wrists. "rie chan, i love you. i am not lying. can't you forgive me once? please."

"i don't want to hear it." i jerk his hands off my wrists. "go on your way and i will go on my way. let's pretend that we are strangers. i dislike liars."

"i will tell you." ren tries to grab my hands again, but he is suddenly blocked by kamiyama who slaps his hands before he reaches me. kamiyama is literally radiating heat waves. why he is mad? even i am not this angry. dude, don't take my thunder away.

"rie chan." ren ignores him completely. "please listen to me once. i didn't lie to you that day."

"you didn't?" i glare at him. "why did you disappear then?"

"i will tell you everything." ren steps closer to me. he eyes me desperately, almost begging. "alone. please. once. give me a chance again. only once is enough. rie chan, you like me only. don't become confused because of random creatures that have appeared in your life."

"what did you call me?" kamiyama is ready to explode. "a random creature in her life?"

"wait." i push him lightly before he could do anything. "i need to talk to ren. i will see you later."

if looks could kill, i should be dead. he growls at me. "i am not leaving."

i grab ren's arm. "fine, then we will leave."

"takeuchi!" kamiyama grabs my shoulder. "don't go."

"i have to do this." i look into his eyes and take his hand off my shoulder. "you can go back home with takeshi and others. i will come back on my own."

i walk out of the room with ren before kamiyama could say another word.