68 Are you hiding something from me?

umezaki yushiro gazes at his daughter. she's looking at him seriously and waiting for an answer. he wonders if he should tell her the truth or not. will that carefree smile leave this world if he does?

if he denies not knowing that man, she won't believe him. "he's my old student."

it's a gamble that he is willing to take.

she seems upset. "then, what is his name?"

"ichihara kiyoshi."

he's sure that kiyohira won't tell her the real name. that's what they decided on. she didn't recognize him or find him familiar when she saw kiyohira. that's a good sign. that's also a bad sign. either she will remember at once or she will never remember it. then, it's better if she never remembers.

yuhara kozue senses the tense air between father and daughter. "umezaki san, you must be hungry. what do you want to eat? it will be my treat. professor, where should we take umezaki san?"

he's ignored by both father and daughter pair.

"i don't want to go abroad." she tells her father, "i will participate in the gaming tournament."

umezaki yushiro sighs. "if you want to go to play games, you can play in the e country. it's quite famous there."

"father, are you hiding something from me?" she doesn't beat around the bush anymore. "you don't want me to come to t city. you don't speak about my past. is there something bad in my past that you want to hide from me?"

he purses his lips and wonders how much he should reveal. his daughter has already sensed something is wrong.

"i will tell you everything if you leave t city with me" he puts up a condition. "i will answer all of your questions."

she shakes his head. "i won't leave. i will play in that tournament."

his daughter is blessed with his mother's stubborn nature. "why do you want to play in the tournament so much?"

"i don't want to go to college and find a new career. i want to become a gamer coach in the future. i will play in the national tournament. if i win, i will go to the world championship and represent my country." she looks at him with determination. "i won't ruin my present and future because of my past. if you don't want to answer me, i won't ask you anymore. if i don't ever remember on my own, i will accept it as my mind's decision. but, i won't leave t city. i won't run away because there is something that you don't want me to know. it's also your decision whether you want to leave me prepared or not."

***

[how does she look now?]

"beautiful."

[rie chan was always pretty. tell me something new.]

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"can't you come and look at her?"

[i am afraid of not being recognized.]

"hmm."

he knows what it feels like.

[does she look healthy?]

"yes, her cheeks are rosy."

the way she blushed was cute.

[i miss her.]

he misses her too.

"she wants to play in the e-gaming tournament."

[even without memories, she wants to take the same path.]

"she loves gaming a lot."

[that's true. she will become a champion in no time. she is a genius in gaming.]

"it's not good if she plays. the professor knows that too."

[he told me that he's taking her to another country next week. she will probably never return.]

"is that so?"

so, today is the last time.

at least, he could see her for one last time.

***

the father and daughter pair keep their silence during the entire mealtime. yuhara feels like he can experience the pressure from both sides. the silence is killing him. he doesn't even feel this much pressure when the professor asks him about his thesis.

"umezaki san, do you want to eat more?" yuhara asks with fake excitement in his voice.

she stuffs her mouth with the cake and drinks water without a word.

yuhara turns to his professor. "professor, do you want to order some wine?"

he mimics rie's actions and adjusts his glasses.

no progress.

after a long silence, umezaki yushiro speaks with a mild voice. "what if i tell you that you will regret knowing about your past?"

"that's for me to decide." she tells him with a clear voice, "i deserve to know."

he knows that he cannot force her to come with him. she might do something hasty again if he does that. he wants to protect her, but he doesn't want to cut her wings and keep her as a prisoner. she has a dream now. she's right that it should be her decision. he will reveal it to her. she might change her mind and come with him. if she remembers everything later, it will be easier for her to accept.

"let's take a stroll through the park."

***

he holds my hand. "i fell in love with your mother at first sight. it was beautiful love that didn't last long. your mother was a wonderful person, but she had been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia not long after we got married. she gave birth to you and gave you that name. she called you the blessing of her life. but, the happiness didn't last long. she became sick and ran away from home with you in her arms. i looked for her everywhere. a few days later, she died in an accident."

i listen to him quietly. his voice is pained. he must have gone through a lot during those times. it seems that i didn't know my mother even before i lost my memories.

"she left you with her friend's family. i didn't know that you were there." he walks slowly. "i couldn't find you for 26 years. when i found you, you were someone who suffered a lot because of other people. your adopted parents abandoned you when you were only 8. you were raised by your adopted grandparents. you were badly bullied at school. after graduating from high school, you stayed at your home. you didn't like going or meeting with people. you lived the life of a hikikomori."

i, hikikomori? that's hard to imagine.

my father creases his forehead. "things changed when your adopted mother died. the kamiyama family got involved. an old scandal was brought up again. people used you to criticize the kamiyama family. the eldest son of the kamiyama family decided to take action to save his family's reputation. he broke your house and dragged you to live with him. he forced you to work. he didn't know about your crumbling mental state. you had a severe eating disorder."

i step in front of my father. "are you sure that you are talking about me? i had an eating disorder? i can eat more than you and yuhara together can. it sounds like someone else's story."

he pats my head. "little one, i am glad that you feel that way."

"is that so?" i am extremely doubtful of the validity of this story. "please continue."

it doesn't hurt to listen.

"he trigged your condition. then, you found out that your first love and your best friend left you because of your suicidal thoughts and depression. you tried your best to hold on. that was when i found you. i couldn't tell you that i was your father. you wouldn't have believed me."

i wait for him to tell me more.

"i don't know what exactly happened later. you ran away from kamiyama house. when the eldest son tried to force you to come back, your mind crumbled completely. you lost your sanity and lost eight years of memory. i was trying to treat you back then. you started to make progress. then, one day, you were kidnapped."

it feels like something is itching in the back of my mind and trying to break out. something else presses its foot and keeps it buried. my feet falter a bit. my father supports me.

"are you okay?" he asks me anxiously.

"i am fine." i grin at me, but my heart is beating rapidly.

he scans my face. "you don't look fine."

"i will tell you if something happens." i squeeze his hands. "don't stop. i want to hear everything."

he releases his breath. "when we found you, you were on the brink of death. your body was beaten badly. your kidnapper tried to burn you alive. half of your body was burned. you had broken bones. you had a miscarriage. you barely survived the surgery and slept for two months. in those two months, i lived like a lost man. i only found you and i was already losing you."

i freeze. "miscarriage?"

he stares at me. "yes, you were two weeks pregnant."

i touch my belly. i was pregnant. i lost my child because of someone. "who was the kidnapper?"

"we don't know yet." my father tells me with a grave tone, "that's why i don't want you to stay here. that person will try to kill you again if she finds out that you are alive."