954 Renegotiate

Joy blossomed inside her heart but it only lasted for a moment. She caught the extra word he added at the end of his sentence. 

"Let's not break up YET?" she repeated his exact words but said it as a question. 

His expression was serious as he nodded. "We're still enjoying each other. I like our current relationship and I know that you like it, too. If it's like this, then we should continue this relationship and see where it takes us."

"But our agreement says—"

"Fuck our original agreement. We're renegotiating right now."

She bit her lower lip and looked away from him to prevent his handsome face from swaying her to his will. Needing some space so that she could think clearly, she stood up and walked away to create some distance between them. Then she began to pace back and forth in the living room as she thought about his suggestion.

Finally, she stopped pacing and faced him. "I disagree with this renegotiation. I think that it's best to honour our original agreement."

He scowled. "I disagree with your refusal to renegotiate."

"Nikolai, please don't make it hard for me."

"In what way am I making this hard for you? Continuing our current relationship is the easiest and most convenient thing that we can do right now because we don't have to adjust to any changes again."

"So it's still a matter of convenience to you?"

He let out a frustrated breath before standing up. He was about to walk to her but she raised a hand to stop him.

"Jinjing," he growled and narrowed his eyes at her. "You're so against extending our relationship beyond the 30-day mark. You don't like me anymore? That's why you can't wait to have me gone from your life? Is that it?"

"I…no! That's not it…I mean…I'm just…oh, Nikolai." 

She covered her face with both hands and felt embarrassed and frustrated at herself for not being able to convey her thoughts and emotions in a clear and proper manner. How could she when she couldn't even understand how she really felt with all the jumble of emotions going through her right now?

In the end, she stopped struggling and allowed herself to melt in his arms. She closed her eyes, rested her head on his chest, and also wrapped her arms around him. 

"Let's not break up anymore," his devilish voice murmured.

Her arms tightened around his waist. She opened her eyes but didn't lift her face to look at him. "Nikolai."

"Hm?"

She hesitated and didn't speak right away. It was clear that she was struggling whether to tell him what she wanted to say or not. 

"Just spit it out, Jinjing."

Taking a few deep breaths, she finally looked up and forced herself to look at him straight in the eyes. "Do you, uhm…" She shook her head and tried another way to start her question. "If we go by your suggestion and extend our relationship beyond the 30 days that we originally agreed upon, how much longer do you think our…our r-relationship will l-last?"

A frown drew his sharp brows together as he pondered her question. However, he didn't let her go, still keeping her tightly in his arms.

In the end, he didn't have a clear answer and only said, "I don't know."

She asked another question. "Do you…l-like me?"

His reply was quick. "Of course, I like you."

Her heart skipped a beat and started to race inside her chest. 

Then he added, "If I didn't like you, I won't bother trying to renegotiate our original agreement right now."

"Oh." She bit her lip and tried to calm her now thundering heart. It was difficult but she forced herself to be brave and asked him, "Is there a p-possibility for…uhm, something more p-permanent between us? Even if it's just a little?"

His frown deepened. "What do you mean? You want to marry me?"

Panic filled her. "I…uhm..." She looked away. "M-maybe."

He ended their embrace. The action cut through her and she felt humiliated. She wished that the ground could open up and swallow her whole so that she didn't need to face such a humiliating situation that she placed herself in. 

However, there was also a part of her that had no regrets. No matter what his response would be, and even if it hurt her, at least she was able to know his true intentions regarding this matter.

Then Lu Zihao held her by the shoulders, forcing her to look in his eyes again, and shaking her a little. "Jinjing."

"Y-yes?"

"I'm not suitable to be your husband."

Tears flowed down her eyes without any warning. She felt her heart breaking right at that moment. 

He sighed and used his rough fingers to wipe her tears but they kept on flowing so he gave up on drying them. "You're a good woman, Jinjing. You deserve a good man who can give you a happy family for the rest of your life."

"But you're a…g-good man, Nikolai!"

"No, I'm not. I'm far from a good man. Many view me as a monster and they're right to think that way. I'm not suitable for the kind of marriage that I know you've been dreaming of, Jinjing."