Chapter 60

Ben was inspecting his territory of the Grand Duke, which was a little far from the capital. This fall brought a good harvest, so the warehouse was filled with enough food to last a year.

“There will be a harvest festival soon.”

“When?”

“It says four days from now.”

The harvest festival was a ceremony and festival, where the villagers celebrated the year’s harvest and pray for a good one the following year. Unlike the small-scale harvest festival held in the capital, it was a big event for the people living in territories.

“If they need anything for the harvest festival, tell them that I will provide the support needed.”

“I understand.”

Archen left to talk with the village chief.

Ben, who was now left alone, looked around the territory. Seeing the villagers hesitating and discomfort, he turned around and decided to leave.

Ben walked aimlessly along a small forest path. The fallen leaves crumbled under his feet. Ben sank down on a large rock upon discovering a shallow stream in the forest. Since he was uncomfortable with the uniform, he unbuttoned the sleeve and collar, then quietly thought about his current situation.

He was tired because he had been busy with all the work and inspections. He pressed his tired eyes and tapped his stiff shoulder. His face became thinner. His jawline, which had been sharp from the beginning, seemed to have become sharper than before. When he thought about it, he only worked and couldn’t even remember when was the last time he ate proper food.

It’s already been more than 10 days since Ben left the capital and avoided Cersinia because of the fear of hurting her. He couldn’t forget what he thought of doing and what he did that day. The feeling of holding Cersinia’s thin and weak wrist tightly never left his hands.

“Huu…”

He looked up at the sky with his clouded eyes. The more he didn’t see Cersinia, the greater his longing grew. Even while working, Cersinia’s face popped up in his head, and he couldn’t count how many times he had put his pen down. He wanted to calm down and stop thinking about her, but nothing worked.

As the days went by, his longing grew bigger and bigger, just like in the past. However, Ben was not in a situation where the only thing he could do was to imagine her as he did back then. His body and feet weren’t tied by force, just like in the past. He muttered lowly, looking down at his free limbs.

“I miss you.”

He said, expressing his hidden feeling. Then, his whole head was filled with thoughts of wanting to see Cersinia. He wanted to tell her how much he missed her so much, that it was painful to keep it in.

‘I miss you.’

‘I really miss you.’

‘I really miss you right now.’

Ben jumped up from his seat. He couldn’t contain the urge that rushed in. The reason he had avoided Cersinia had already been erased from his mind. His mind was filled with the thoughts of how much he wanted to see her right now.

“Your Excellency, we have prepared the accommodation for you.”

Archen, who came into the forest just in time, said.

“I’ll go back to the capital.”

Ben moved quickly past Archen making his way out of the forest.

Archen chased after Ben with a puzzled face and asked,

“Pardon? Are you going there right now? I will accompany you.”

“It’s late, so Archen, please come back tomorrow morning.”

With those words, Ben ran at full speed without hesitation. He climbed on the black horse placed in the stable and quickly pulled the reins.

The sun was slowly setting before his eyes. This place was quite far from the capital, so he had to ride all night to get back to the Grand Duchy. He may not be able to see Cersinia right away because he would arrive late at night, but he felt like he had to leave right away. Even if he came back with regrets in the middle, he had to go see her. The sound of horse hooves thumping relentlessly on the narrow dirt road resonated loudly.

* * *

As expected, it was late at night when Ben arrived at the Grand Duchy.

“Your Excellency, welcome back.”

Upon entering the mansion, the first person to greet him was Murchen, the butler. As if everyone was asleep, there was only silence in the mansion.

“You must be tired, so I’ll prepare the bath.”

“I’m fine.”

Ben refused Murchen’s consideration and strode up the stairs. His steps were very hasty. Dark purple eyes filled with longing shone brilliantly in the moonlight.

There was a rush in his step and he looked like he would be running at any time. For the first time, the house seemed unnecessarily large. When he finally arrived in front of Cersinia’s room, no sound was heard over the door. Cersinia was probably asleep since it was the middle of the night. Ben pondered as fixed his messy hair.

‘Should I go into the room for a while and see her sleeping face or wait until the morning?’

He asked himself that but he already had his answer. His hand was already holding the handle and turning it. He couldn‘t wait until morning. Because he wanted to see her now.

He entered her room quietly while holding his breath. However, no one was lying on the bed. In an instant, his face turned blue, and his heart sank.

‘No way, don’t tell me….’

‘Did Cersinia disappear without a word?’

Dozens of spears pierced through his heart. His eyes were distorted to the point it was painful for him to see the void in front of him. His clenched shaking fist. Ben breathed heavily when the crushing pain hit his lungs.

“Haa…”

He gasped harshly and grabbed his chest. His face turned as pale as a snowfield. Fear and frustration swept over him like waves. His chin trembled violently. The corners of his eyes were wet with tears. Cersinia‘s disappearance, felt as if he had witnessed her death.

‘Is she really not here?’

‘Not by my side anymore…’

Step. Step.

As Ben barely grasped his distant mind, a very small sound of footsteps echoed through the quiet hallway. He turned his gaze. Soon, his empty eyes widened. In front of him, long, red hair was shining.

“Cersinia?”

He corrected his posture and stepped toward the figure, who was limping. Ben’s steps got faster and faster.

“Cersinia….”

Ben stopped in front of the figure, who was walking slowly and stretched out his trembling hand. He carefully let his hand wander in the air, fearing that he was hallucinating before catching her. A warm temperature was felt in his hand.

‘It’s real.’

‘It’s not an illusion. She is real.’

Ben let go of everything he was holding back. Hot tears were coming up his eyes, dripping down on the hallway carpet. His tears were mixed with inexplicable emotions. The biggest emotion among them was: relief.

“…Cersinia.”

Despite his call, Cersinia had her eyes closed. Ben remembered this appearance. It was the sleepwalk she was suffering from.

“I thought you disappeared silently…”

Even though he knew she wouldn’t hear it, he continued.

“The thought of you leaving makes me scared.”

Rather, Ben used this moment to spit out all of his true feelings. Again, there was no answer from her.

Ben lifted his watery eyes. With her eyes closed quietly like a person lost in thought, she looked the same as the last time he saw her. A face that is always beautiful and glowing. He was missing her even though he was looking at her.

The wounds on Ben’s back were throbbing again. He still had nightmares even though the person who caused the wounds is no longer in this world. But it doesn’t change the fact that those days were the most painful.

“I’ll take you to your room.”

Even though he knew she was unconscious, he asked for her to understand that he didn’t have any other intentions. It was because of this habit of his of thinking of her as a priority and thinking of her first. He carefully hugged Cersinia and walked into the room.

Looking at it now, the blanket was crumpled which meant that someone has use the bed. Ben didn’t even notice that because he was too shocked when he didn’t see Cersinia. He constantly glanced at Cersinia, who was sleeping soundly, laid her on the bed, and covered her with the blanket.

He watched her for a long time, enough to compensate for the ten days that he didn’t see her. Even if he confirmed that Cersinia was real, he didn’t blink once in case she disappeared like a mirage. He now had more power than anyone else in the capital except the royal family, so why was he still behaving the same as he was three years ago?

‘Why am I still a coward?’

“Pathetic.”

He said, more to himself than anyone else. He dropped his head.

“Ummm…”

When Cersinia frowned and tossed, he raised his head in surprise. Fortunately, she was still asleep, exhaling quietly. But then a voice came out and shook his heart.

“…Ben.”

Whether she was talking in her sleep or feeling his presence unconsciously, she called for Ben. His heart was beating loudly, like a grandfather clock.

“Yes.”

He said, licking his dry lips. Indeed, her voice, which Ben hadn’t heard in a long time, heated his body. Despite his answer, no more sound came out of Cersinia’s mouth. As expected, she was talking in her sleep. However, Ben was happy and overwhelmed that Cersinia called out for him even in her sleep, and his heart was touched.

‘She’s so bewitching.’

Someone you can’t help but love her. When they get to know her anyone would fall for her.

“I don’t know if I can be by your side,” his voice broke the silence.

Ben constantly doubted himself. He endlessly asked himself if he really deserved to be by her side.

“I’m afraid I’ll hurt Cersinia.”

He was afraid that his inner heart, and wrong desire, would hurt her at any time.

“I really don’t know if I will hurt you in the future.”

Ben’s eyes fell sadly.

“That can’t be true.”

A clear voice flew into his ear and stuck. Cersinia’s voice was crystal clear and she wasn’t mumbling like she did when she was sleeping. He slowly lifted his trembling gaze to Cersinia.

“Cersinia.”

Cersinia was looking at him with her clear eyes, not knowing when she had already woken up.