Chapter 115 - Boomersmash? Smasharang?

The ill-advised drinking contest ends with Lucas slamming down his empty glass first. Thankfully, he managed to hold his strength back just enough that he doesn't even crack it. Truly, a proprioception-related miracle.

Barely a second after him, Miss Chievous does the same, but with a far less enthusiastic expression.

"Fuck, I didn't think you'd actually beat me! Baaah, no fair!" She shoves her empty glass over in front of Jonathan, then flops forward onto the table, openly sulking.

"You weren't going to even get anything if you won anyway! Now Mash is probably going to have to carry you out of here when we're done!" Even though Miss Calculated is clearly scolding her, Miss Chievous giggles a few times, with her face firmly pressed against the wood of the table.

"Ha! Serves you right!" Miss Masher is hardly supportive of her elder sister's loss, proceeding to laugh the loudest out of the bunch.

Jonathan has scooted back into his chair as much as possible, warily watching Miss Chievous's empty glass as if it were a venomous snake about to strike. Somehow, his body language and expression simultaneously seem guilty, yet also practically screaming 'I didn't do it!'

"Ha, and I even beat you EXTRA hard since you tried to cheat with a head start!" Lucas further gloats over his success, using the back of his right hand to slide his empty glass over next to Miss Chievous's as well, to Jonathan's dismay.

Were it programmed to be able to do so, 23 probably would have just sighed as it reaches forward with two of its arms to claim the two glasses before Jonathan has to suffer through stressing over them any further.

"Allow me to clear those out of the way for you, esteemed guests. I believe some of those appetizers should be ready by now, I will be back shortly." 23 flees the area, scrambling to get some food into the two foolish humans as soon as is physically possible.

Over at the Thieves of Elsewhere table, there has been no small amount of laughter, with all three of them merrily watching the ongoing antics at Lucas's table. It's to the point that they stopped thinking about what they even want to eat, but at least 23 is so wrapped up that it doesn't entirely matter.

"Oh, oh, wait a minute…" Lucas holds one finger up, seeming to concentrate on something. Two seconds later, he belches loudly and then bursts out laughing, though Miss Masher manages to laugh even louder than he does.

Not one to be shown up, Miss Chievous smacks her chest a few times with her face scrunched up, then manages her own answering call.

At this rate, Miss Masher might pull something from laughing too hard.

Miss Calculated has taken her glasses off, gently set them on the table before her, and then shifted into a two-handed facepalm, holding herself up with her elbows propped against the table. Her entire body is trembling slightly from her quiet, defeated, laughter.

As much as Jonathan is dreading what these two will be like once they're actually intoxicated, he couldn't help laughing along when they burped. However, he stops once the smell of it hits him from both sides. His face scrunches up with displeasure as he frowns and waves a hand back and forth to clear the air in front of his nose.

Willy's tail is wagging enthusiastically, having a grand time just being around these fools. He's also happily panting out his own doggy laughter.

[Oh, thank goodness.]

'Eh? That seemed random.'

[Boss System approved my request, they're finally going to allow a temporary blind and deafen function.]

'Wow, rude.'

[...011 will be keeping an eye on events and will inform me if there is any need for me to return early. Otherwise, I'll talk to you once you've left the restaurant. Hopefully, between the meal and time spent before then, you'll be tolerable.]

'Oh come on, it's not like I'll be that bad… Oooh, now that I look at that boomerang again, I just thought of something.'

[...I won't leave just yet, I'm just glad that everything is going to be prepared for me before you're three sheets to the wind. Maybe your endurance upgrade will be sufficient to keep things reasonable, but the way you just… On an empty stomach…]

"Hey, hey, Calc." Lucas has a hopeful tone while he vies for Miss Calculated's attention.

Rubbing her face one more time, she sits fully upright once again, slowly putting her glasses back on with both hands before finally answering him in an exasperated voice. "Yes, Lucas?"

"So like, part of the challenge we had when dealin' with that girlie was that Mash and I don't have any sorta range, right?" While Lucas posits this question, Miss Calculated gains a bit of a thoughtful expression.

It seems that perhaps he'll have something interesting to say before the alcohol hits him, at least.

Miss Chievous perks up a bit as well, as she wasn't even present for the action, and is more than a little curious as to what exactly happened.

"While generally, you two could use your strength to just throw whatever is around you, the inconsistent availability of aerodynamic weaponry is a bit of an issue. Though, you seemed to have some degree of reasonable precision when you threw one of her marbles? I assume you were aiming for the corner near where you hit, and that was a rather far distance." Miss Calculated has fallen into full-on problem-solving mode, already fully invested in the conversation that he started setting up.

[Hmm, strangely enough, it might not be such a bad idea for both Miss Masher and you to carry around, say, a bag of steel ball bearings, or such.]

"Yeah, yeah. But if we miss, that can be a problem, yeah? So maybe something with limited range, like a fancy reinforced boomerang so it doesn't break?" Lucas has a deadly serious expression on his face as he points up at one of the ornamental boomerangs on the wall nearby.

[...]

Oh well for 'before the alcohol hits him'.

Miss Masher turns around to look at the boomerang as well, then excitedly starts smacking the table. While she did hold back her strength enough to stop from causing any real damage, the sound of impact and the way the table swayed would have been alarming for its owner to witness.

"Yes! That'd be awesome! Ooh, and since you got endurance too, it could be sharp or something so other people don't want to even try usin' it!" When Miss Masher further supports Lucas's proposed weapon, Miss Calculated's left eye twitches briefly.

Ah, he's still sober, he's just like that.

"Well… Theoretically, yes. If it was reinforced enough… And sharpened to boot… When using a significant amount of your strength behind the throw it would have a decent chance of following its circular arc even after impacting most things during the first, say, third of the arc… Ah, though even a non-returning boomerang is worth designing as well, they even were once used as weapons of war, now that I think about it… As long as you made a point of practicing their use, they could actually have decent accuracy. And, it would be an unconventional enough weapon that even if an opponent disarmed you, they would be unlikely to fully utilize it against you, which is rare indeed. That's… Maybe not as crazy of a suggestion as I first thought..?" As Miss Calculated muses out loud, she's honestly surprised with where her train of thought leads.

[She… She's not wrong.]

"Hells yeah! I should practice with normal ones first before you go and make the fancy one though, yeah?" And just like that, out comes the real reason Lucas brought it up now.

[...You just wanted an excuse to steal a boomerang to play with, didn't you?]

'Maaaybe a little... But! It could work!'

"Oh! Oh! And for shhort distanshes, a fan-shie yoyo!" Lucas's logical progression would be far more credible if he hadn't started to slur.

[...I'll talk to you later. ...Bzzt…]

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Lucas total kills: 7

Lucas total deaths: 11

Lucas total assists: 1

Lucas current GDV: 12.19 (-.01 net change)

Lucas's fame level: 4.50* (Beyond just local, viral meme tier. Local levels are extremely high.)

Lucas's hero suspicion level: 2.5* (More than just passing suspicion for some paranoid individuals, people are realizing he's an impulsive idiot)

Jonathan total kills: 6

Jonathan total deaths: 2

Jonathan current GDV: 3.78

Jonathan's fame level: 2.75* (Mostly just local)

Jonathan's hero suspicion level: 2.75* (A few paranoid individuals are suspicious)

Willy's fame level: 1.5* (Anonymous meme fame, local fame primarily as 'Xenoclast's dog', but some strangers know him as William/Willy now)

Supervillain social circle size: 11

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Little character theater:

Jonathan, still fanning the air in front of him, but is seriously considering the conversation: A-actually, I could probably use a boomerang too? Not as heavy, and n-not sharp, but there's gonna be times it wouldn't be a good idea to run up close, e-even going fast? And… And I could even grab them right out of the air!'

Willy is seriously considering the battle potential of modified boomerangs. But, he is also seriously considering how fun it would be to just run around outside and play catch with one.

Lucas, who would be 111% on board with playing catch if he could hear Willy's thoughts: They wouldn't miss just one… Or two… Or more, yeah?

427 already has Lucas on mute, and has actually started seriously researching viable materials for super boomerangs, accounting for weight, durability, and their ability to hold a sharpened edge.

Author, in the kitchen, helping the service bots prepare the appetizers even faster: Oh no, it's already started kicking in!

Mr. Quacks, imaging how dizzy he'd get if he tried riding along on one of the boomerangs that Lucas is inevitably going to throw: Quack....