Chapter 1 - Offending the Fetchers of Dead

Proofreader：Zhou Zhijie

What goes around comes around. No matter who you are, how wealthy or poor you are when you are alive, it’s inevitable for you to enter the Yama Palace after death.

How wealthy your afterlife could be is predestined by the merits and virtues of your prelife. Whether you can go to heaven or hell, the outcome is in black and white in the Register of Life and Death.

In the gruesome Yama Palace, all the devils stand on each side. The angry King of Ghost, with the Register of Life and Death in hand, stares at Soul No. 8268 kneeling in the midst of the palace.

Ma Yi, born on the Earth, once lived on cheating women emotionally to rake in money.

Evil Karma: The soul had committed six types of the Ten Evil Karma, including coaxing women into giving up their property, virginity and affection, which resulted in the suicides of numerous heartbroken women.

And even worse, this soul had been keen on deceiving people in the name of the Immortal Queen Mother, whose reputation therefore was ruined. So Queen Mother has sent a message to the King of Ghost, demanding a severe sentence to this soul.

After going through all the details, the King of Ghost smacks his desk in rage. “You skunk! You deserve being boiled in the burning oil! Regarding what you have done in the world above, even the skinning punishment in the hell is too mild for you.”

Kneeling in the palace, with chains weighing heavily on his soul body, Ma Yi trembles with fear. How aggrieved he is! He did scam some money, but swindling was not an easy job. To earn a living, he even had to philander with some old ugly women.

The King of Ghost eyes him coldly. “However, there is a record in the Register of Merit that once you have donated money in Fengdu, Ghost City. Considering this merit, King Yama showed particular mercy on you. As a result, you don’t need to go to the hell, but you’re supposed to be reincarnated in the animal realm so as to neutralize your evil karma. You will then reincarnate nine times as a hog, six times as a dog. Only after that can you reincarnate as a human.”

On hearing this Ma Yi recalls a tour to the Three Gorges he made a few years ago. While visiting the resort of Fengdu, Ghost City, he tossed 100 RMB into the donation box in order to show his pretended noble benevolence to a chairwoman. He never expected that such a trivial act would turn out to be his greatest merit! But the thought of living as a hog or a dog that destined to be killed and eaten discomforts him. He would even slap himself on face for not having donated 200 RMB more!

“Attention! Ox-headed and Horse-faced, take the soul to the Mirror of Six-Realm Samsara. It’s time for him to reincarnate.”

The two devils pick up Ma Yi’s soul body and drag him out of the palace as easily as a hawk carrying a chick followed by the unceasing wail of ghosts on both sides.

They come to the Mirror of Six-Realm Samsara, where sits an old lady. In front of her lays some bowls of tea.

Ma Yi looks at the old lady and her tea in puzzlement. He has heard that in the world of the living, people would drink a cup of farewell wine before they were guillotined to give them some courage. Would it be a custom for people in the world of the dead to drink a bowl of ‘Longjing Tea’ before their incarnation?

“How are you, dear Meng Po.”

‘Meng Po?’ Gosh! Isn’t it the legendary ‘Meng Po’s Soup’(the water of Lethe), the forgetting soup? It is said that I will forget everything I’ve experienced once I drink it. What should I do? Is this the end of my wise and splendid life?

Ox-headed starts turning the Mirror of Six-Realm Samsara. The Mirror, in a burst of iridescent light, rotates slowly.

“Why bother so much? Why not just toss him directly into the Lake of Reincarnation? It is too troublesome to operate the Mirror and the Incarnation Talisman to depersonalize his body and soul, isn’t it?” Meng Po complains.

“Oh, my dear lady, there is something you don’t know. Immortal Queen Mother has ordered to punish this bastard severely. The Mirror of Reincarnation enables us to arrange his destiny precisely. In the first incarnation he will live as a hog, which will be stabbed eighteen times and keep screaming for six hours before death.” Horse-faced explains.

“Humph! It seems that this bastard has offended Queen Mother. What bad luck! Both of us used to be wooers of Jade Emperor. After that penny pincher succeeded, she disfigured me out of revenge. So I came here in a pet to sell ‘the Water of Forgetfulness’. Mentioning her gets on my nerves! Take this bowl of soup and make the soul drink it. I’d better go and sell the soup somewhere else. Don’t forget to depersonalize his body and soul, otherwise he might incarnate as a monster like Pigsy (a character in Journey to the West), a human being with a piggy head.” After saying this, the old lady turns around and disappears in the air.

On hearing these, cold sweat oozes out every pore of Ma Yi. How ridiculous it is! What he has done is just making a few petty pledges in the name of Queen Mother, by which he scammed several women into sexual relations willingly. Why can’t they let go of him, a nobody, as humble as an ant?

“Oh, dudes, how handsome and outstanding you are! Could you please arrange a better destiny for me? Nowadays pet pigs are fashionable in the world of the living. May I be reincarnated as a pet pig whose owner is preferably rather affectionate?” A flattery smile spreads over Ma Yi’s face.

“Nonsense! Considering what you have done in the living world, you should thank God for being exempt from going to the hell. Your new life will begin as soon as the Mirror stops rotating. This is the consequence of being a fraud! Ha-ha-ha!” After saying this, Ox-headed bursts into a roaring laughter which is joined by Horse-faced.

The smile fades away from Ma Yi’s face. He glares at the two fetchers of dead maliciously. On seeing them taking pleasure from his misfortune, Ma Yi thinks to himself: “Since I’m doomed to die, why not let myself go while I’m still conscious?” He acts out immediately. “Damn you! You sons of bitches! What a fucking ugly appearance you have, which must have resulted from your dad’s bad moods while fucking your mom! You must be so shameful to expose yourselves in public that you abandon yourselves to working as ghost soldiers in such a damn place. Even though destined to be a hog, I will curse you hundreds of times each day!”

“Ugh! How dare you curse me, the great fetcher of dead? You court death!” says Horse-faced while swinging him several slaps.

Even in his soul body, Ma Yi is rendered dizzy and giddy. But he keeps cursing unyieldingly while thinking “I will become a hog anyway. Why not seize the last chance to enjoy myself? I won’t stop cursing them unless they beat me to death!”

The outraged Ox-headed gives Ma Yi a swift and hard kick in the behind, which sends Ma Yi’s soul body flying straight to the Mirror of Six-Realm Samsara. Whoosh! With a flash of golden light, Ma Yi’s soul body vanishes into the rotating Mirror.

The furious Ox-headed and Horse-faced glare at the disappearing figure, with their hands on hips, cursing. Gradually, the anger on Horse-faced’s face turns to panic and he utters, “Oh, brother, he didn’t drink the Soup!”

“Nor did I apply the Incarnation Talisman to depersonalize his soul and body!”

“What’s worse, brother, he didn’t enter the animal realm. Look at the Mirror! It didn’t stop until now. The soul is going into a human society in unearthly world!”

Horse-faced tugs at his ears while Ox-headed tugs at his horns, both of whom tremble with fear. “Brother Ox-headed, will the King nail us to the bronze pillar and roast us whole as his meal?”

“When the King finds out what has happened, he will definitely peel off our skin to make the Dharma drum! What shall we do?” Ox-headed sounds like going to cry.

Horse-faced looks left and right and not a single soul is in sight. “What if we make a little alternation to his destiny?” He ventures to say, “Anyway, in only one thousand years the King will be promoted to a Celestial Immortal in Heaven.”

Looking round likewise, Ox-headed nods desperately. ”OK. Anyhow, this is just between you and me.”

Encouraged by Ox-headed, Horse-faced pulls out an iron stylus from his back. He flips over the Register of Life and Death and spots Ma Yi’s name. He writes as follows:

“Ma Yi, reincarnated as a hog. Life cycle: 1 year.”

Horse-faced adds four “0” heavily behind the number “1”. After doing so he exhales a breath of relief.

“No, Horse-faced. There can’t be a 1000-year-old hog. We will be convicted of malpractice once the Judge finds it out.”

“So what should we do?” A tearless grief appears on the long face of Horse-faced.

“In for a penny, in for a pound. Let’s destroy the evidence.”

With a desperate and fierce light in the eyes, Horse-faced opens the Register of Life and Death for a second time. He crosses out the name of Ma Yi, which means that Ma Yi’s name will never appear in the Register of Life and Death again. Ox-headed gives a kick to the soup, which spills and gives off a puff of yellow fume. When everything is cleared away, Ox-headed and Horse-face, on pins and needles, go back to report the result.

They may never dream that such a minor mistake would contribute to an immortal man in the human society of the unearthly world!