Chapter 1434 - Balancing (3)

Jeff returned to the room and saw that JoAnna is in the bed. She didn't say anything and she didn't move when he entered, so he assumed that she is sleeping.

He glanced at the sofa and he was not sure if he should sleep next to JoAnna in the bed or on the sofa.

They spoke, and things are better, but they are not back to normal. The ice wall is gone, however, there is still heaviness between them, and Jeff wondered if this is the new normal. It will be difficult to get used to this.

He took a spare blanket and a pillow and settled on the sofa.

"Jeff?", JoAnna called. "Aren't you going to sleep here?"

"I don't have sleepwear, and I didn't shower either.", Jeff responded with a lame excuse. Part of him was embarrassed to say that he is insecure about what to do.

"There are clothes in the closet that the staff brought earlier, I'm sure it will fit you, and you can shower now or in the morning."

Jeff got up and got clean clothes from the closet before going to the bathroom to shower.

He took a long shower on purpose, with the hope that JoAnna will sleep off by the time he is out. After their talk about rushing things, his heart is aching, and he does not feel worthy to be next to JoAnna.

"Damnit!", Jeff cursed under his breath.

Why does it feel that the more they are talking, the more he realizes how horribly he treated the woman he loves? They met as kids, and he claimed that he will return to marry her. Is it possible that their fate was to meet after such a long time only to hurt each other? That is a cruel destiny. 

Since JoAnna left his office (after the incident with Vera), he is seeing a new side of himself. In the last twenty-four hours, Jeff thought about many things and his conclusion is that he is taking advantage of her kindness.

What JoAnna said was not new to Jeff, he either knew it or suspected it, but when those words left her lips, they pierced into his heart and the pain is so excruciating that he finds it difficult to breathe.

Jeff realized that the longer he is under the shower, the more his mind is torturing him. He decided to go to the gym. A long run will help him release this negative energy which swelled inside him. He needs to relax and hopefully clear his head and think rationally.

From the moment he met JoAnna he realized that when it's related to her, his brain refuses to work normally, and all his intelligence disappears. He still remembers that on the first day in her apartment he wondered, why can't he get himself together? He can dominate twenty international CEOs at a time, but JoAnna is the one making him flustered like a teenager in love, and sometimes like an idiot. And even after all this time, the effect she has on him is still present.

Jeff got out of the bathroom carefully, so that he does not wake up JoAnna, determined to go to the gym.

He got socks from the closet. He does not have running shoes, and he decided to run on the treadmill wearing only socks on his feet.

He was almost at the door, reaching for the doorknob, when he heard JoAnna call: "Jeff?"

"I'm sorry I woke you up. Sleep.", he whispered without looking at JoAnna.

JoAnna lifted her head and observed him. The small side lamp is on, and she can see that he is heading out. "Where are you going?"

"The gym.", he said with a tinge of guilt in his voice.

"You are leaving me?"

Jeff paused. What does she mean by 'leaving me'? It's just a gym. "My mind is a mess and I hope that a good run will help me calm down."

JoAnna sighed. "My mind is a mess also, but I can't run."

"Do you want to go for a walk?", Jeff offered.

"I would rather sleep. With you.", she said while moving the cover, indicating for him to come to the bed.

At the sound of JoAnna's words, Jeff's resolve to go to the gym crumbled.

He climbed into the bed next to JoAnna, careful not to get too close and closed his eyes. His plan is that if she sleeps before him, and he is still restless, he will sneak out and get his run.

JoAnna looked at Jeff who was next to her on the bed and she felt bad. She asked herself, what else he needs to do to make this uneasiness disappear?

Maybe it's not him, but she should do something.

After all, Jeff spent a portion of the morning discussing with her sisters ways to restructure his work. JoAnna knows that it was not easy for Jeff because he is used to making his own decisions, and the whole 'meeting' sounded more like Sophia and Sarah telling Jeff what he needs to do, but he did it, for her. He followed her most of the day silently, like a bodyguard or a servant. And then he made her saffron fried rice and ice-cream cake, hurting his hands and not mentioning it, and even sang a song for her. It is only one day, but it is a good start, and she should do something in return as well. Isn't this what Sarah said? Something about balancing her expectations? If it's going to be balanced, then she should meet him halfway.

Jeff felt the mattress dip as JoAnna shifted. He was nearly startled when he felt her hand touching his under the cover.

"Jeff?", JoAnna called softly as her fingers laced with his.

Jeff opened his eyes. "Yes?"

"I know that some things I said made you uncomfortable. But we need to talk about uncomfortable things if we are going to make this work. When you asked me if I have any regrets, I could have said 'no', but I choose to tell you the truth."

Jeff sighed. "I know. But the guilt is eating me up."

"Good. It will be a reminder so that it does not happen again."

Jeff's lips moved into an almost-smile and he closed his eyes.

"Jeff?"

He opened his eyes in response.

"I told you several things that are bothering me, which I would like you to change. How come you didn't tell me anything that I need to change in return?"

Jeff's gaze softened. "From you, I wish for only one thing. I want you to be yourself. When you are happy, I want you to smile, and when you are angry, I want you to shout. I want you to do whatever you feel like and I promise to give everything I have to protect your right to do so. Being by your side and enjoying your brilliance is all I need to be happy."

JoAnna thought that she never heard anything so romantic from Jeff. And she knew that he means it.

Now she felt guilty. She is treating him like he is the bad guy and everyone, including her, is telling him that he needs to change... and here he is, telling her that he only wants her to be herself. If that is not the man she loves, no one is.

JoAnna's smile reached her eyes. "I miss you."

Jeff understood that she is missing the closeness they felt until two days ago. It feels like two eternities ago.

He caressed her cheek a few times before responding. "I miss you too."

"Can you come closer?", JoAnna asked. "It's easier for you to move, you don't need to push the babies around."

Jeff scooted closer to JoAnna and she moved his arm to the side so that she can rest her head on his shoulder.

At this point, Jeff completely gave up on the idea of going to the gym. There is no way that he can leave the bed without waking her up. But this proximity is fine. More than fine.

Jeff turned slightly sideways and hugged JoAnna.

"Jeff?"

"Yes?" He responded with a whisper.

"I also hope that you will be yourself. Tell me what is on your mind. Tell me what you want. OK?"

Jeff hummed in confirmation.

He observed her perfect face and the small smile at the corners of her lips told him that she is enjoying their current position. And those are wonderful lips.

"Anna?"

"Hmm?", she hummed in response.

"I really wish to kiss you." He told her what is on his mind, just how she asked him to do.

His request reminded her of those first few days in her apartment, the first morning when she woke up by his side. He asked her the same thing, and his voice slightly trembled from anxiousness, just like now. Then, she refused him, but now it is different.

JoAnna smiled and tilted her head up, silently giving him permission. 

Jeff leaned closer and his lips brushed against JoAnna's gently before he gradually sucked her upper lip and then the lower one. The kiss was getting more intense by the second, allowing them to convey to each other everything that they couldn't put into words.

The kiss was long and sensual, and none of them deepened it, but their hearts were beating wildly.

At some point during the kiss, the last traces of heaviness between them disappeared. They shared an understanding that their journey has only begun and that they will face many challenges, and as long as they are together and true to each other, it will be alright.

"I love you, Anna…", Jeff whispered into her lips.

"I love you too.", JoAnna responded and then their lips connected again.

Jeff and JoAnna kissed for an unknown measure of time and they don't remember at what point they slept off in each other's arms.

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