Chapter 119

Patrizia had a dream that night. The moments before she restarted this life all came out in that dream. When the guillotine finally cut down Petronilla’s throat, Patrizia woke up sobbing.

“Aaaaaagh!

“Your Majesty!”

The shocked Mirya hastened to Patrizia in a hurry, as did Rafaella. She came into the room with a pair of swords in both hands, as she thought an assassin might have infiltrated, but gave a sigh of relief when she found out that wasn’t the case.

“Lizzy, Your Majesty. What is going on?”

“Sigh… ”

Patrizia was still unsettled and asked Mirya for water, and while Mirya went out to get water, Rafaella asked Patrizia with a worried expression.

“Now, Your Majesty. Calm down. I am the only one here. Your Majesty is safe.”

“Haa, Rafaella…”

In the dream, she had even seen the scene of her death, vividly replayed. If there was a god of dreams, she felt that her mind and body were being destroyed, so that she would be killed. It was only natural, as she had experienced all kinds of misfortune before her reincarnation. While Patrizia still rested with a pale face, Mirya brought in warm water.

“Drink first, Your Majesty. Then calm down.”

“Sigh…”

Still vomiting out her surprised breaths, Patrizia drank the water like a child. Mirya and Rafaella were staring at her. Patrizia wanted to say her usual words, ‘It is okay. You can all go back now. ‘ to them, but she couldn’t. Mirya asked in a voice full of worry.

“Did you have a nightmare?”

“… I think so.”

“Shall I bring something else to eat? Something sweet or…”

“No, it is fine.”

After drinking the water to some extent, the calmed down Patrizia told Mirya.

“I want to take a walk alone. I do not think I can fall asleep again in this state.”

“Alone? However…”

“Rosemond is not here right now, so there is nothing wrong with it. I am fine.”

Patrizia stumbled after saying that and got up from her bed. Because of the great impact from the shock, it was difficult to even properly move her body. Rafaella quickly supported her, and Mirya brought a shawl made of thick fur. Patrizia wore it and soon walked outside the Empress Palace with slow footsteps.

“… ”

Patrizia went with that garden. To a place that contained all of her feelings. Patrizia did not want to be comforted by anyone. The only person who knew this feeling right now was herself. Patrizia believed that being alone among flowers would organize her emotions and that she could bring down this miserable feeling.

“…”

Strange tears flowed as she walked up to the garden. She missed Nilla so much, but the time was deep in the night. It was a time for horses and stablehands to sleep, and it was impossible to wake them up due to her own uncomfortable heart. That didn’t mean she wanted to worry her whole family by walking all the way there and waking Nilla up. She just had to bear it alone. Anyways, even everything she went through was all gone now.

She was walking up to the garden without even thinking of hiding her tears, and it was then she could see someone from a distance. The moonlight was faint, so it was hard to see, but Patrizia at least figured out that this was not an assassin. The assassin did not look like that. Patrizia quietly approached that someone. It was Lucio.

“… Empress?”

Lucio’s voice hovered over the silent garden. Patrizia slowly walked to where he was and vowed not to hug him no matter how hard it was. The moonlight was so faint that only the flowers would know that she cried if she managed to straighten out her voice.

“I greet you, Your Majesty.”

“… Did you cry?”

‘Failure, damn it.’ Patrizia replied.

“Yes. It would seem so.”

“If you cried, you cried, what do you mean it would seem so?”

“Indeed.”

Patrizia replied with an empty voice, and Lucio’s expression was not good when he heard her voice. He asked.

“Did something happen?”

“… I thought it happened too long ago for the memories to even come back.”

She had remembered. Cruelly.

“But they did come back, the memories.”

“It is a bright red lie to say that time heals everything.”

As it was for him. With that said, Lucio handed Patrizia a white handkerchief. It was the same handkerchief he had given her that other day. She gently wiped her tears with it, and as Lucio watched her, he gently grabbed the handkerchief from her and wiped parts of her face that were out of her reach. Patrizia wanted to get away from there, but at the moment she wasn’t even up to it, and honestly, just walking up to that garden had been a feat.

“I do not think you cried even like this, at that time.”

“… ”

“It must have been a worse memory than that.”

“There is no match.”

She couldn’t compare Rosemond and Nilla. In a voice that still contained nothing, Patrizia asked Lucio.

“Your Majesty… What are you doing here?”

Despite saying that, Patrizia was afraid. She wondered if he would have another seizure, and she hoped he wouldn’t answer. Fortunately, Lucio smiled brightly and gave a better answer.

“Just because I recalled some bad memories.”

“… That time the…”

“No, the memories are a little less than that.”

Even then, it was the memory of abuse. There was no strength in pain. If it hurts then it hurts, what significance was there for hurting less or hurting more. Patrizia spoke quietly.

“You must be having a hard time now.”

“Yes, it is hard.”

Lucio smiled brightly as he said so.

“But I got used to it. That is why I do not cry anymore.”

“What does it mean to get used to pain?”