Chapter 35 - Such Is Life And Life Is Such

"We're here miss. I hope you feel better soon." Said the driver as I wiped my tears about to open the door.

I gave him a warm genuine smile, " thank you and I hope so too. Enjoy your night."

He smiled at me and I closed the door of his car then  entered the building looking as if I had been in a fight.

Oh wait I was.

I held my down as I walked across the lobby to the elevator desperately trying to not attract attention.

I let out a sigh of relief when I had successfully managed to stealthily get in the elevator with out bumping into someone.

I sighed as I opened the door to the empty apartment sniffling as the night's memories come crashing down.

I took my shoes off not even caring about leaving them in the way then went to Harin's room to see if she were there and she wasn't.

I sighed as I pouted regretting fighting with my best and only friend.

I wanted to call her but I was afraid that she wouldn't want to talk to me and just curse me out which I deserved. 

I really was a bad friend.

I closed the door of her room and went into mine closing the door behind me as I began to sob.

I felt like shit and I craved comfort.

I went into the bathroom silently crying as I tied my hair stripping to take a cold shower.

My salty tears mixed with the water from the pipe as I cried the entire time of getting clean.

I got out of the shower and looked into the mirror inspecting my red puffy eyes and nose as I applied face cream when my stomach grumbled so I put on a bath robe as I went to the kitchen to make myself something to eat.

I suddenly had a huge appetite and I was craving everything that I saw in the fridge so I decided to eat it all.

I made myself a pickle PB and J and I moaned at how strangely  good it tasted.

I even mixed Cheetos with tuna and made in to a sandwich with the crusts of the white bread.

Everything tasted so well together and I just wanted more and more.

I made myself of a bowl of cereal seeing as it was my favorite food ever but gagged at the smell which made me had to run to the toilet to throw up.

I was once at spewing my guts in the toilet as tears welled in my eyes and beads of sweat formed on my forehead.

I was panting by the time I had nothing left inside me and I felt weak and tired.

What is wrong with me?

Did I get food poisoning?

I struggled to get myself from off the floor by holding anything in my reach to give me support.

I washed my face slapping it a few times to regain color then proceeded to rinse my mouth and went back for the kitchen thinking that I would have had room for more food.

I threw the bowl of cereal in the trash figuring that it was the trigger to my nausea.

I looked over at the rest of the food on the counter and found that all my a petite had disappeared. 

I suddenly felt disgusted by all the food and threw them off the counter but then started to cry when I saw the mess I made.

I was an emotional wreck and I didn't know why.

It was 9:00 pm at night and here I was crying over spilt milk.....literally.

I sighed as I got to cleaning which surprisingly didn't take long or or was just solely the fact fact my head as swirling with thoughts.

The apartment was clean once more and I looked around for something else to do.

I almost teared up at the memory that I had already cleaned the house and now I don't have nothing to do which made me feel useless.

I decided on watching a movie but quickly got bored as my mind began to wonder.

The fact that Harin and Shiwoo were engaged still didn't make any sense to me.

If he knew he was engaged why did he force his way into my life just to play with me.

Why did Harin lie to me about them?

Why was he called Shiwoo?

What are they both mixed up in?

Who are their parents?

I had so many questions but the most important one was, why do I care?

As far as I am concerned I never really knew neither of them but the part of then that they made me.

I felt mostly hurt by Harin seeing as I had known her for four years for her to just drop a bomb like this.

Before that night Shiwoo or Seojin wasn't even a thing.

"I wish we could go back to the old days," I said as folded myself into a ball on the couch tears streaming down my face.

It's kind of funny how you can lose somebody just like that especially when you have a lot of history together. 

I had never once thought that me and Harin would have ever fought especially not over something like this.

Yeah we did bicker in the past but that was just normal friend stuff.

Just the other day she promised to stay by my side and lookie here.....no where to be found.

My mother always told me that I didn't have any friends and that I only need myself and what do you know.

Mother knows best.

I allowed the tears to roll down my cheek as I softly sobbed hugging my body and rocking.

I missed my mom and those who actually love me.

I miss how I was last week.

I wish I didn't go to that damn rap dungeon.

And I wish I had never met Harin.

For the rest of the night I stayed there on the couch crying and saying my wishes until I fell asleep hoping to escape my troubles but like I had expected they followed me there.

Who was I kidding?

Such is life and life is such.