Chapter 87 - Flash Back

The next morning at the breakfast table was awkward as hell as I slowly sipped my orange juice avoiding all eye contact.

The table had been deafeningly quiet apart from the babies babbling as they played with their food.

"So um-uh Tally" said Minjae trying to spark up conversation as I took a small bite of my toast, "what was it that you wanted to tell us last night?"

Flash backs of last night decorated my mind and I dropped my toast to my plate scrunching up my nose as I lost my appetite, "I was um-uh going to tell you about this new building that I found while walking down the street. Its really huge and goes high up and its up for buying which I prefer over renting so yeah. That's it."

I went back to silently sipping my orange juice as I Heesung began to babble.

"Appapapapa. Appa!" (dadda in Korean) and the twins began to do the same.

I felt Lia and Minjae's eyes on me and I still didn't raise my head to meet their eyes for I didn't feel like getting any more judgmental stares this morning.

"Eomma babies say eomma "(mama in Korean)  I said pointing to my self and Lia.

"Appapapa! Apapap. Dadadad!" they all sang as if to mock me.

"Oh now you speak English?" I asked as I leaned back into my seat and folded my arms.

They have been doing this ever since Heesung discovered that he could and they have been saying it none stop.

"Appa! Dadda!" they would always say but never "eomma nor mamma"

I was mad and jealous to say the least.

Mad at Shiwoo for not even knowing that they existed but his name is the first that they called as if he was the one that had to have had and emergency C-section to get them here, but hey, I wont say anything.

"Tally when are you going to call him?" asked Lia as she cleaned the dirty plates off pf the table and I offered to help her to do the dishes.

"For the last time I do not have his number and even if I did the phone works both ways." I sighed as I turned the tap on lathering the sponge with dish soap.

"Tally the kids are saying Appa and you know what that means." she said as she took the plate from my hand looking me in the eye, but I just looked away as I was busy with the others.

"They only say that because Heesung is saying it. They will stop as soon as I finally succeed in making they say mama."

She sighed as she took the other plate from my hand and then I got busy with another, "I didn't want to say this, but I think that it has come to the point where I should. Don't you think that you're being kind of, I don't know petty?"

I froze as the plate fell from my hands and into the sink as I slowly turned my head to look her in the eye, "did you just call me petty?"

"Atalia I'm saying this as your friend I-"

"No! How dare you tell me how to live my life and what to do with my kids.  How dare tell me to call the man that knocked me up and left the country without even a proper good bye!" tears were welling in my eyes and she saw that and she advanced closer opening her arms as if to give me a hug.

"Tally I'm sorry I didn't mean to-"

"No!" I cut her off again as I raised my hand signaling fro her to stop and she did, "you know what he said to me the morning after we had sex? Huh? He said that he has fucked a lot of dumb bitches and I was one of them so how dare you. How dare all of you tell me to call him and involve him in my life. I despise him and it hurst me so fucking much that every time I look at my kids I see him. There are days when I cant find it in my heart to look at their faces for all I see is him."

I sobbed and broke down as I finally let it all go feeling lighter by the second.

"Tally I'm sorry and you're right. It is not our place to tell you what to do, but I can only advise you to do what's best for the kids and just to look past your hatred of him. He is actually not such a bad guy." she said trying to convince me but I just shook my head chuckling bitterly at how dumb she was.

"Ha ha! Of course! Of course. Of course you're defending him Lia. How could I forget that you were one of the dumb bitches that he was fucking. Of course of course my bad! Yes he's not such a bad guy. He's fucking Prince Charming. Oh save her Shiwoo. She has tits for brains." I had no chill and no remorse when I spoke and I knew that I would regret it later for the look on her face as my insult hit her was engraved in my brain.

"That's enough Atalia!" said Minjae in his dad voice as he got back from putting the kids in their play pen and I blinked my eyes flabbergasted as to who he thought he was talking to. "We know that you are upset, but that is not and excuse to talk to Lia like that especially with every thing that she has done for you."

"Oh I see how it is. IT has always been her since that night and its like our friendship has been swept under the rug ever since you two got together!" I yelled fully speaking my mind and my voice cracked as it was thick with emotions.

"What are you talking about? What are you on? I have never treated our friendship badly and if its any thing you are the problem!" he yelled back stepping closer.

"Oh I'm the problem!?" I asked as I placed both my hands on my chest feeling absolutely baffled, "so how about yesterday when you sat there in your seat unbothered when that guy was publicly body shaming me huh? What about all those times when we would plan to have fun and you would always cancel on me for Lia? It is not even a recent thing either. It had been this way since college and I am happy for your guys but I cant help but feeling jealous of your relationship sometimes. Like why me? Why do I have to be the single mom who is home less with twins and whose baby daddy is out of the country? Why did I have to be the third wheel as I watch your family? My fucking kids call you daddy. Do you have any idea how that feels huh? No you don't because you two have each other and I have no one. I have no one but my self!" I cried and Minjae and Lia came to hug me as I cried.

I cried and I cried letting out all the anger and the hatred feeling slightly better with every tear that fell.

The anger soon after faltered and I was now left the feeling of deep remorse.

"Oh my God guys!" I exclaimed as I broke away from the hug, "I am so sorry for what I just said. Oh my God I feel so bad. Lia, Unnie, I'm so sorry for what I said and I want you to know that I am truly grateful for everything and Minjae, Oppa (older brother/ older male friend that you are close with/ or boyfriend if you're a female), I am sorry for what I said and I know that I shouldn't be jealous but you're the only guy in our lives and I appreciate you and how nice and helpful you are." 

They pulled me back in for another hug as we went for another round of crying.

I get why babies cry.

It is actually quite therapeutic.

We finally broke away after a few minutes and my eyes were red and puffy and my chest ached and all I could taste was salt.

Just like this morning I couldn't bring myself to look them in the eyes for I know that I have fucked up and said some mean and irrational things.

Lia still looked her and I knew she was, but here she was standing here and comforting me making sure that I was fine even after all that I said, "Unnie, I'm really sorry. For what's its worth you are the smartest woman I know and I know that I might not show it, but you're honestly my role model. I'm not one for sappy love confessions are whatever, but I do love you and I am grateful that you keep taking me back even after my mistakes. You don't have to forgive me, but I hope that this wont cause a problem in our friendship for I would simply pass away dead."

She chuckled at my words as she held both my hands and I chuckled through my tears, "Atalia what you said was very hurtful, but they were very true. Its a apart of my past that I want to forget , but it is apart of my past that molded me. Don't worry babe. All is forgiven and I love you too. But you're doing the laundry ad the cooking for a whole month."

"Done and done" I said smiling as she pulled me in for the warmest hug.

"I guess I do owe you an apology for not defending you yesterday and for making you feel bad when watching us. I want you to know that you and the kids are like family to me and I will never let anything bad happen to you guys. So if you can forgive me for my wrongs I will forgive you of your many, many, many, maaaaaany wrongs" he said opening his arms and I went in for another warm hug squeezing him tight and he tapped my hand tapping out.

Lia came and hugged the both of us and I felt the love radiating off of them and I felt at ease and at home.

"I just want a happy ending you know? Like those princesses and stuff" I sobbed as they patted my back and my eyes began to feel sleepy.

"You will" said Lia softly and stood like that for while comforting each other in the silence until we heard a baby cry.

"Okay crying time is over. The little bosses have summonsed us." said Minjae as we broke apart and Lia and I chuckled.

We heard another cry and I sighed, "coming your highnesses!"

God.

Cant even take a break to cry when those babies are awake damn.