Chapter 133 - His Confession

Clara's POV:

"I don't want to go home... I...don't...want to go back...to that shitty place..." 

Squirming and struggling to get out of my grip while I was dragging him to the public bench just a few meters away from the store, Mr. Czar fussed out his whining a few times attracting the attention of a few passersby near us. It seemed to me as if I was towing a man-child from the way he was reacting!

"Master, please calm down... People are watching us here--"

"I won't go back...home! Leave me here, I will...sleep on the footpath..." 

"I am not either taking you home, Master! Please keep quiet!" I shrieked out in a furious tone as my patience was being already at the edge by his loud whinings which were inviting unnecessary attention. With my scolding, for a moment he didn't bother me much and I firmly hauled him to the seat to make him sober.

His suit was crooked, stained with beer and his hair was all messy. His collar seemed stuffed as it was buttoned up, so I firmly tried to unbutton it so that he would feel a bit at ease.

"Wh...Why are you undressing...me?" Pouting his lips, he murmured at me.

"I am not undressing you. Please...I am not a pervert, Master. I am just helping you, that's all." I firmly objected, unleashing his necktie so that he would feel comfortable.

He didn't bother me anymore and stayed quiet obediently. The more I was looking at him, the more I was bewildered. How can the same man be drastically different in two different states? He seems bold, tough, arrogant, and gruff in his normal state...but right now, in my eyes, he looks like a small, innocent child grimacing in pain bearing an emptiness in his dark eyes.

"You should be...very agitated with me, don't you?" A small smirk appeared on his lips as he asked me, leaning his back against the wooden bench. I was sitting next to him, staring intensely at him as several questions were running wild in my mind.

"Master, why were you crying alone? Were you hurt by the words I said to you in the morning? Did I hurt you so badly?" Unknowingly, I was feeling guilty all by myself to watch him in such a distressed state. 

"No." 

"Then, why were you---"

"You were right, Clara." 

All of a sudden, before I could complete my words, his sonorous voice interrupted as he deeply called me by my name, raising his chin glancing at the sky above. I flinched hard hearing my name out of his lips, but strangely, it sounded beautiful to me rather than those strange names he used to summon me...

I was lost, peering quite intensely, forgetting about the rest of the world.

"You were right indeed, about whatever you said to me today..." He continued.

"Pa-Pardon?"

"I am...intentionally keeping these flares of wrath against my brother alive...deep in my heart. I am...well aware that...he was the one, who has been...compassionate towards me. Haha, you exposed me accurately...haha..." Again a sad wide smile covered his face and his tipsy voice crooked, which unknowingly twitched my insides as I looked up to him.

"But...why? Why are you willfully bearing the grudge against him?" I was fuming in curiosity and unable to suppress it any longer, tossed my query at him.

He took a deep sigh out and continued glancing at the sky, holding that painful simper on his grimace. "Do you know...how...I had to live all these years?"

I didn't expect such a reciprocation from him and lowered my eyes down. I shook my head in declination, answering him in a short note, "no."

"All these years, I was living...with a fire...burning inside my chest... I couldn't get rid of the pain the flame had caused me...I couldn't even scream for help... All I could do was enduring it and getting...angry..." His slurred voice sounded very dark.

I didn't utter a single word, rose my chin up, and kept listening to his painful agonies.

"My mother...She was all... I ever had. She was a precious woman, just like Eva...strangely familiar...both of them..." A smirk escaped his lips as he continued his story, sighing heavily.

"Eva?" I flinched out hearing her name from him all of a sudden. Frowning my grimace, I ogled at him impertinently.

"But, my mom... sacrificed herself to keep me alive... You know, all these years...I was living with the guilt of existing... I...was tormented physically and mentally; I had to live my life...as an outsider... But I couldn't scream for help. I had to endure every fucking thing all alone...

I had to learn to fake my smile to hide the burning flame in my heart... Every time, I saw Zeus cherished by his family...a pain of loneliness engulfed me from inside... 

With each passing day, I had to butcher my soft heart and transform myself into a monster...

I...I started to have fun...watching others in despair... I started to kill humans just for the sake of my hidden angst...

I had to encrypt my real dark face behind this mischievous outer shell... And all I could do was getting enraged with him, wanting him to suffer the way I did...

Though deep down inside, I knew it well, he has always cared for me...silently...

But I can't restrain myself anymore... All I am left in the world in the burning flares in my core...

If I let go of the anger which kept me alive all these years...how am I gonna keep living?"

Tears rolled down his puffy tear-soaked cheeks as he muttered in a husky sonorous voice as he tossed a wide sad smile.

Without even realizing it, my eyes were already swelled in tears hearing his painful confession. For the first time, he opened his hidden scars to me even though he wasn't in his right senses. I couldn't find the accurate words to soothe his pain but slowly, I held his hand to comfort him with my actions.

"You have me by your side, master. You won't have to bear your pain alone..." I mumbled in a teary pitch, staring at him with a glum smile.

Choking his tears in, he shifted his face towards me and tossed a small smile.

Softly, he leaned his head on my shoulder and took a deep sigh out before conversing further, "You know what...Eva was right...I had to live with a bad choice of life...But how can she understand...me so well?

That's what makes my heart flutter... whenever I am with her...

I guess...

I really do like her..." A drop of tear dripped down from the corner of his eyes as he whispered under low breath.

I was spellbound with this shocking confession he mumbled before falling asleep on my shoulder. I had never realized earlier that his deep-rooted emotions were circulating around her!

But something was more strange to me...

Why my heart is twitching hearing his honest confession? Why...I don't feel happy...hearing it?

What's wrong with me?