Chapter 189 - Long Awaited Realizations

After an anticipated ride of 2 hours, the car stopped near the bank of the Arno river. The area seemed extraordinarily beautiful with several colorful flowers blooming on the shrubs growing all over the place. It was already past afternoon, the sunrays were shimmering in the silver glossy river water flowing down the stream. Moreover, the area was completely desolated without a trace of any person apart from both of them. 

Czar first stepped out of the car and walked straight towards the giant riverbank with a blank gaze in his dark eyes. Following him, Clara walked out and stood beside the bonnet of the car. She was watching his broad posture standing all alone from behind, gazing towards the flowing stream.

"Isn't the place...beautiful?" Taking a heavy sigh out, he mumbled out glancing all over the area with a small smirk lingering on the edge of his roseate lips. "This place hasn't changed a bit...I am glad, that it's the same as before." 

Hearing his soft proclamation, slowly Clara walked closer to him and stood right next to him, glancing at his grimace. "It's beautiful. Have you come here before?" She asked him.

"This is my secret hideout. Whenever...I wanna run away from this fucking world I choose to come here and let my grief pour all out. You...are the first person... I brought here along with me." His sonorous sad voice reverberated in the desolated area mildly. 

Clara stood still for a moment, ogling at his vulnerable expression with a sad gaze in her eyes. Though, her heart was feeling a tinge of bliss hearing his declamation that indeed she was the first one to accompany him there. 

"Let's sit here and booze with all our strength." Quickly he hopped down on the grassy land tapping on the ground with his right arm. Clara obediently followed his command with a small simper on her face as he was asking her to grab her sit next to him.

Both of them chugged down some beer from those chilled cans which they had brought along with them. Clara was drinking a bit slower than her usual capacity. But she watched him gulping down the drinks quite hastily.

"He must be really sad," she wondered sneaking a small glimpse at him. As he was a bit light-drinker, she could sense that intaking such a load would cause him physical trouble. She took a small sigh out and chose to interrupt.

"Master, you can slow down a bit---"

"Ahh, you are refrained from calling me master today, I have already told you prior." He sounded pretty dense. 

Getting intervened by his dense proclamation, she slowed down a little and muttered softly. "Err...Drinking so hastily can cause you trouble... I am worried you won't be able to handle it..." 

"Pffftt!" A sudden loud smirk escaped from the curvature of his lips apprehending her rustling voice. "Are you worried about me? How strange! It's the first time...I am hearing it from you... And what delights me the most, we were fighting like fiery vixens just on our first meet. You were already ready to pounce on me viciously. Haha... the memories seem like it all happened just yesterday..." Though he had a smile on his face while rattling those words but his eyes were profused with a void of sadness.

She smiled a little listening to his meek words. Averting her gaze down, she fidgeted her fingers while clinching the grip on the beer can. "Well, to be honest... it's like...I kind of misunderstood you as a perverted creep the way you blackmailed me on our first meeting. But...

The more I get to know you now...the more I feel embarrassed about the way I behaved with you earlier that day... You...You are really a good person and I am proud of what you did for both Zeus and Eva. It takes a brave heart to sacrifice your own happiness for the sake of someone else... Not everyone can do it." Her timid voice sounded much soothing amidst the whirling river breeze they were sitting in. 

A wide, sad smirk broadened on his face as he lifted his chin up to glance sideways at her. His eyes were dark but seemed much expressive to convey those glum emotions he was enduring inside. Inhaling a deep breath in, his eyes were barred on the clear blue sky as he murmured, " fuck...why is it that...the more you want to say...the harder it becomes to speak out..."

"Because your heart is wounded inside." Abruptly she enunciated shifting her glance at the whirling stream of water before narrating her mild voice. "When your heart is deeply hurt, no words can express the amount of suffering you are striving with. Involuntarily, we become quieter than usual." 

Listening to her soothing answer, for a few seconds, a calm silence persisted between them. Gulping down some amount of beer he murmured in a timid pitch, "how can you depict my emotions so clearly? Can you actually read my mind?" 

"A person who notices someone's sadness must be always sadder from inside. That's the reason...I can feel you...Czar." A gloomy small smile spread on her jowls as she fixated her deep gaze towards him, rustling softly. 

For the first time, hearing his name out in her soothing voice unknowingly put a simper on his face. He clinched the can on his grip, took a heavy huff of breath out, and whispered, "you know... all my life I had acted as a troublesome brat towards Zeus, but...he didn't even complain to me once. I...I always carried a burning flare of vengeance buried inside my soul which made me turn a blind eye to all the things he selflessly did for me without expecting anything in return. I had assumed that the anger fuming inside me would be calmed down if I...just watch him suffering badly...

But...I was wrong...

I was furious, enraged, and perhaps jealous of noticing the love he was showered with by the whole pack while I was battling my lonely dark life. Even when we were small kids back then, whenever he was would receive any present, he always reached out to me first for sharing that little happiness with me, but as usual...I brutally insulted and chased him away. 

And you know what, the next day again, he would come to me acting as if nothing happened the earlier day...Even when he started the Romano Organization, he shared half of the company shares with me despite neglecting everyone's objection.

Though I realized it late I...mistook his kindness and continued hurting him shamelessly... I wondered if causing him the pain would dissolve my agonies inside but...it never helped." A warm drop of tear dripped down his flustered cheeks with his empty eyes fixing at the horizon and a small trembling smirk carved on his grimace. 

Holding a teary poignant gaze towards him, she sat still for a while. Slowly, she raised her arm and tapped his shoulder intending to soothe him a bit with her gestures. 

"I was just a mere small kid when I watched my mother sacrificing herself to keep me safe. That immense trauma of losing the only person I ever had in my life had almost snatched my will of life at that very young age. For my whole life...I had blamed Zeus for not helping me at that moment to save her without realizing that...he was not in a position to help me being a kid himself. It was...all the nasty conspiracy plotted by his mother but...the anger inside me blamed him always for almost nothing... 

When I look back now, I realize, I have spent such a long life already hurting him so bad...that...I can't even bring myself to say all these to him... The rift between us had been widened a lot...but... it's the very first time, I did something for him by letting go of someone I wanted to be with...

It's not like I didn't want to be selfish this time...but...strangely...the burden I had weighed on my heart all these years feels a bit light with my sacrifice." Stroking his teary eyes tenderly, he tried to smile wider to hide his emotional turmoil behind his firm sneer. 

She silently apprehended his heartfelt confession with a small pitiful beam on her face. Somehow, his agonizing tale reminded her of her own despairs that happened years back.

"The ones who can hurt others are the ones who are actually more hurt inside. My behavior was probably 10 times insolent than yours when I met Eva for the first time. I brutally chased her away, acted boorish towards her kindness but she didn't give up on me...

Now when I look back at myself...I realize that...all I did was to evoke the rage of abandonment that I faced at such a young age. My past memories were erased, I didn't have a clue of myself who I am or what I was doing there...and that pushed me to the brink of my frustration. But...throwing my fit on others in the end only hurt me, it never helped..." She tossed out a heavy sigh.

Immediately, Czar shifted his glance towards her and continued looking at her sad smile frowning his brows, "your entire past memories were erased? Then...do you realize it now that it was purely intentional...perhaps...it was done by your own family?" He probed her curiously.