Chapter 101 - I'm In Love With Mary Jane

"Run, bitch, ruuuuuuunnnnn~~!!!!"

I could hear Shorty's voice echo in my head the moment Mother entered the room.

My actual response though?

"Oh hi Mom."

Now I'm dodging beams of highly pressurized water screaming, "I did not f.u.c.k her. It's not true. It's bullshit. I did NAAAHHT!"

"Perhaps you would be more convincing if you took your c.o.c.k out of her." Vera snapped irritably.

"She's too tight and I'm too hard, how do you expect me to get myself out? Woman's on my d.i.c.k like a goddamn clamp." I replied with equal exasperation, grabbing the blanket from my bed as I escaped another beam.

Mary bit my ear, quite hard, and yelled,"You've been holding me to you for the past two minutes. I don't even have the room to move, but you're blaming me?"

"What can I say? It's a turn on at this point. She's already seen anyway. May as well finish a few more times, eh?" My perfectly sound logic was lost on them.

I felt my scalp tingle and Mary's face turned white. "Watch out!"

I promptly stepped to the side, saving Mary from a burning-hot energy ball.

"Will you just concentrate on running? Do you not understand the situation? She... is going... to MURDER me." The woman emphasized the last sentence with grave importance.

"Only if she catches you."

"PUT ME DOWN ALREADY!" I'd honestly never heard her raise her voice like that before. It was a shock.

"Just tighten them thighs and hang on. Vee, pray to me and grab my leg."

"Pray to you? What in the world are you getting at?"

"Look, I need a wingy and the fastest way to do that is to offer me your prayers so hurry up and--" WIthout a single warning two great wings exploded from my back with a fury. "Alright! Let's go~!"

WIth Vera scrambling to my leg, I shot out of my room from one of the holes made by Mother and escaped to the skies.

"MAAAARRRYYYYY!!!!!" Mother screamed.

I saw the dark clouds starting to gather. An unholy, inhuman roar echoed forth from down below and made my bones shake.

"We are totally f.u.c.k.i.e.d," I concluded.

Vera hit my calf. "Fly, you fool!"

A bolt of lightning struck my house the moment she said that. Immediately a massive serpentine figure rose.

It was even larger than Llyr in his Dragon form, coiling about in the dark clouded skies like Shenron and staring at us with two shining, malevolent blue eyes.

"Yup. F.u.c.k.i.e.d."

[Warning. A high level being has targeted you]

Tell me something I don't know why don't you?

[Warning. A high level being incoming]

[Nephilim Elias has entered the area]

Oh shit?

No sooner did I see the notification before I could see a bright golden comet hurtling towards us at breakneck speed.

"Damien!" Father's voice came into my mind. A moment later the golden comet stopped ten feet in front of us. Father had a sword drawn and his gaze flickered to Mother with wariness. "Are you okay? Why is your mother so--" He finally took the time to look at us. He blinked. "Uh…"

I had thrown the blanket over Mary the second I got the last notification. I held her head to my shoulder as she went rigid. Her arms tightened around my back. I could feel her shaking.

Father's eyes went from her to Vera. "...What's going on? Is that Vera? He pointed to Mary.

"Nope." I shook my head.

"So…"

"I'm dating them both, basically."

"...Ah...right...okay." The man had a funny look on his face.

"Mother walked in on us having s.e.x."

"..."

"She seemed pretty angry even before she saw."

The man snorted. "You only left our whole house smelling like a brothel. I can't imagine why she'd be mad."

Ah hell. That's right!

"I knew I was forgetting somethin--"

"Move!" Father shouted, grabbing my arm and using his own set of powerful wings to speed away. The very second after I saw a giant tail swipe at our previous position. The appendage hit the ground and split the earth. Literally tearing the surface apart. My house shook but held as the tear was going away from it.

Another roar.

Something strange happened then. I saw a third glowing eye between the first two. Or, no. It wasn't an eye. It was something else.

It was Mother. With stunning blue hair that burned brightly in the darkness, and two amethyst eyes equally haunting and glowy. She was splitting from her Dragon form and her appearance changed. She was taller now, with a more regal and overbearing manner. I could faintly see that her fangs had grown longer and sharper, too.

I felt like the air itself had grown thicker. There was a feeling of being unable to breath, like you were choking under water.

I wasn't even able to register her movements before she was in front of me. Mother's face was twisted in a hate-filled sneer as she took Mary by the neck and ripped her off of me.

I was left with my c.o.c.k out, dripping various fluids, while Mary tried to pry Mother's hands from her throat.

"Mom!" Vera exclaimed.

"Mary!" Father's hand tightened around his sword hilt. He raised it towards Mother. "Muriel! Don't you dare! Let her go!" He warned.

But they were both ignored. "You bitch." Mother hissed. "I tolerated you for the sake of our friendship and you mock me like this. In my own home, spreading your disgusting smell everywhere! Now you dare to f.u.c.k my son in front of me!" She squeezed, causing Mary to gasp in pain. "You think I'm a pushover? You thought I would let a slight like this go? You're nothing."

She raised a hand of sharp, elongated nails over Mary's heart.

"Don't!" Father snarled.

Vera wasn't able to stay quiet. "Leave her alone!" She cried, her own hand morphing into a large wooden spike she used to strike at Mother's head.

But the woman grabbed the spike long before it struck. Smoke rose from the point of contact and Vera screamed.

"You and Elias' bastards are weeds I can pluck anytime I please. Never forget that!"

Father couldn't let this go any longer. He was by Mother in an instant. His sword raised and thrust down before anyone could even utter a syllable.

Her arms flew off as a piercing wail escaped her mouth. Mary fell from the sky. Vera retracted her arm and shuddered as a burn mark caused her to shake in agony. I quickly spit on her wound and dove after Mary.

Nope. F.u.c.k this. I can barely see when she makes a move now, let alone fight her. It's time to get Mary and use the run like a little bitch tactic. If I didn't have them here with me I would throw down with her regardless for hurting them like that, but alas…

After catching Mary I grilled her for info. "The hell? I thought Mother said you were our natural enemies, how are you so weak against her?"

The woman coughed several times. "Sealed...my powers...can't fight."

"Shit. From the start?"

"I can hold her off for a while...without the seal. Not with it. Not strong enough."

Can't blame her for that. "Can we escape from her? Honestly?"

"Not anymore."

"Even with Father covering us?"

" Your father won't fight her seriously. He loves her. But she can ignore her own feelings for him. She won't hold back when she's this angry. If we try to run her Dragon form will chase us. We have nowhere to go that she can't follow."

I felt explosive booms all around us as my parents traded blows.

Reinforcements it is then.

Thinking as much I started diving back down. But as luck would have it I didn't have to because a GIANT PILLAR OF F.U.C.K.I.N.G ICE appeared and DESTROYED MY GODDAMN ROOF.

"My house!"

Son of a bitch, Grey isn't here anymore! I can't fix this shit!

At the top of the rising pillar was of course none other than Becks. She stood atop the ice structure with a cold, confident indifference. She stopped the pillar when she was level with me. Her eyes went towards the n.a.k.e.d Mary in my arms and my erect c.o.c.k and a flash of light passed through them almost too fast to notice.

She turned her attention to the Dragon in the sky.

"What do you want me to do?" She asked, her voice somehow traveling past the distance and the wind and into my ear clear as crystal.

I was a little taken aback. I was thinking about asking for Bubbles but I didn't expect Becks would volunteer herself like this. "You mean you'd help me if I asked you to? You do realize I want to beat down my mother, right? And from what I understand, she's a friend of yours. Are you okay with fighting her like that? For no reason other than I asked?" I couldn't help being a little skeptical.

She didn't waver at all. "There is no difference between her being your enemy and her being mine."

"Because we're soul partners?"

She nodded. "You are the warmth of my heart." Again with that line. Is it just me or are the women around me falling way too damn easily? Where's the romance? The only one I'm really working on right now is Mary on that front. Everyone else already likes me and I didn't do much for it at all!

Except maybe Bubbles. I put in a lot of effort in pleasuring her, after all, for that week. Still though. Eh. Whatever. It ain't that kinda story I guess.

Well, I guess I should take advantage of this godly charm of mine.

"Turn her into a popsicle, por favor."

"You should leave. I do not want you to get hurt." Is all she said before launching a spike of ice at Mother's Dragon body.

Mother's human body stopped and took notice of the new challenger. "Bitch!" She ground out a moment before dodging Father's sword beam. Her arms had been retrieved and reattached long since, I suppose, or maybe even regrown. "What do you think you're doing?!"

Rebecca said nothing.

The spike struck Mother's Dragon self hard and knocked it's head back a bit. Thunder cracked. The tail made it's return and swiped at Becks, destroying her pillar. But she'd already jumped off and appeared even higher in the air.

"I learned from battling your brother. This time I won't make the same mistakes."

Vera tapped my leg."What do we do now?" She questioned as the battle kicked off between Becks and Mother's Dragon self.

"More chaos, then we book it the f.u.c.k outta here." I continued to dive down. It didn't take long to reach the front yard where we were keeping Rhea, the disgraced Fae Queen. She watched me approach with a dim gaze. Running into the house, I grabbed another stash from inside the walls and ran back out with a vial of coke.

Putting it on my hand and reaching out to the woman like one would offer an apple to a horse. She sniffed at my palm and smacked her lips, the move simple and seductive. Her tiny tongue, soft and warm, reached out to lick at my fingers. She grew bolder and more vigorous once the sweet taste of drugs entered her system.

"Good girl. Good girl." I cooed, patting her head.

A semblance of clarity returned to her face. "Hush...band?" She slurred. A frown. "What…? My head…"

"Hold that thought." I put a finger to her lips.

While Mary and Vera watched curiously from the side, I picked her up, flew into the sky, and chucked her at Mother.

The Fae Queen didn't get far before she burst into prismatic light and started shaking her head. "Who dares to throw this Queen?!" She held the side of her face and searched the skies for her offender.

Wings of pure light had sprouted from her back, and it was those that gave off that splendid prismatic color. It was like...well, like Faery dust.

It's intensity attracted Mother and Father's attention. They both showed a variety of emotions. Father's face turned solemn while Mother's bordered on insanity. "You…!" That single word was filled with undisguised hatred.

"Muriel…" Rhea spoke slowly. Her eyes snapped back into focus. "I see. You're back. So, you want to keep my husband from me yet again." She accused. "Unforgivable." A spear of condensed prismatic energy appeared in her hand. "Unforgivable." She repeated. Again, and again and again.

"All of you s.l.u.ts, simply angering me to death! Are you both here to take my son from me? You think I'll let you?!"

"I'll kill you, then I'll certainly take my husband back with me."

���This is a f.u.c.k.i.n.g mess." Father sighed. How the flying f.u.c.k I was hearing any of this is beyond me. Dragon hearing? Huh.

Back on the ground I was busy rounding up everyone. "Mira!"

"Here."

"Bubbles!"

"Aye, Sir!"

"Minerva!"

"M-Master…"

"Evie!"

"Present."

"Holy hell!" Bubbles jumped up in fright as Evie appeared from a dark spot in a corner. "What the f.u.c.k--?"

"Plue!"

"..."

Plue was the name of that Floor Guardian I'd caught for Vera some time ago. Little guy was sulkily held in Vera's arms and being force fed a carrot.

"Baz!"

"Is this really the time for a roll call? The ground is literally splitting apart!" The girl urged.

"Shut up."

"And why is Mother n.a.k.e.d?"

"I was tryna give you a baby brother, what of it? Jealous? Too bad. F.u.c.k.i.n.g traitorous lolita cookie s.l.u.t bastard. "

Baz had never looked so traumatized.

"Dr.Schitt, you're next. Come out." I prompted. And there, from the Christmas tree I still hadn't taken down, came a miniature golden throne that shot out and took its place by my side. "Good boy." I turned to the small crowd. "Alright guys, listen up. So my mother caught me having s.e.x with Mary and now she's super pissed off and probably wants to kill her. Luckily we have my dad and Becks holding her down but Rhea is in there too now to cause extra chaos for us, so while everyone's duking it out this whole place might end up bombed to hell. We're all leaving before that happens. Any questions? No? Okay. Vee, Mary, you're with me. Everyone else, Dr.Schitt can carry you. Marry, any suggestions on where we go?"

Mary, blushing from cheeks to neck over my explanation of the situation, had a somewhat helpless vacancy to her gaze. "...I guess we should go to my physical body's territory for now…?" Poor thing looked lost. "It's the safest place. We can hide there for a while." She took a moment to ponder. "There's no way Queen Rhiannon can seriously injure your mother in her current state, especially not with your father with her. She'll surely escape before long, then your mother will turn her attention back to us. It's a long journey, we might not be able to leave her area of awareness before things calm down."

"I think we can teleport everyone there," Vera spoke up. "Your mother seems too distracted right now, you can probably override her seal on our powers."

I can do that?

[Would you like to forcefully override the seal placed on NPCs "Mary" and "Vera"?]

The f.u.c.k.i.n.g system is only helpful on times like this. Fine. Yes.

[This action will require 500 origin points. Would you like to proceed?]

What?! How many do I even have right now?

[Origin points: 620.5]

How convenient. You are a hard working man indeed, Sir Clone.

I chose to only undo Mary's seal since if we get far enough away Vera's will go too. This saved me half the 500 points it would have cost otherwise and a faint light overcame Mary.

"...Is that it?" I didn't see or feel a change.

"It worked...how did you know how to do that?" Mary seemed slightly amazed.

"I keep on bullshitting through things and it keeps on working." I shrugged.

"Guys hold on, that's great and all but we can't leave my sister here.

"We'll come back for her. "I promised. "In, out, back in again. Bada-bing bada-boom, easy peasy. Trust me."

"You are so full of shit I'm surprised your ass doesn't get jealous of your mouth."

I was about to respond when Father came rushing down in a streak of golden light.

"EVERYBODY RUN!!!"

Mother shot down a moment later. "Son, hurry, come to Mama!" I could hear the panic in her voice.

Next was Rhea and Becks.

"We have to leave," Becks informed her sister, pulling her closer.

"Husband, come with me." Rhea wasted no time in taking my arm and burying it between her b.r.e.a.s.ts.

"Whore, get away from my--!"

"All of you shut the f.u.c.k up!" Father snarled impatiently. "Now isn't the time!"

I was getting a headache. "Hold up. You're all talking too fast. What're you scared of? What's going on?"

He barely even glanced at me, just stared off into the distance with worry.

"The Angels are coming." His tone was grave.

And wouldn't you know it, streaks of light started flying over from the direction of the city.

"You two, get us away from here already!" Mother gulped. "I have a feeling something bad will happen if they catch us, so let's go, come on!"

"No f.u.c.k.i.n.g shit something bad will happen." I snapped. "Those bastard children already r.a.p.ed me once, I ain't exactly keen on them doing that a second time."

Mother and Father's eyes turned to saucers at my words.

"They...they what?"

"Honey…?"

"To be fair I'd drugged myself and summoned them here myself so I kinda asked for it. But still."

They turned to each other, confused and silently disturbed. They glanced at Mary and Vera as if looking for answers. The way the two avoided their stares only served to cause them more anxiety.

Mary looked like she was reliving a nightmare and Vera grit her teeth in apparent anger.

"Let's go." I snapped my fingers in Mary's face to break her of her stupor.

She calmed herself and nodded gently. "Let's"

***

We appeared on a tall, grassy hill overlooking a great forest in the distance. The crisp air tasted heavenly. There was a peculiar flavor to it, something I'd partaken of many times before. What was it? It was...notes of Mary.

"That's much better!" Baz sighed. "Ahh...home at last. I missed this place!"

"Min, look at this place...it's so pretty!"

"Amazing…"

"So this is where the Heart of the Realm lives. It feels special indeed." Bubbles softly appreciated.

"There's abundant life energy all around." Becks raised her hand to the bright sun. She inhaled, as is savoring the atmosphere. ��Intoxicating, almost."

"It's an okay place." Mother stated indifferently. "Bit smelly though."

"I like it." Father shrugged.

She snorted. "It's foul."

"That's your opinion."

All around me people were talking, having different and varied reactions. But I was the only one who was silent.

"What's wrong?" Bubbles was the first to notice my strangeness.

"Hey...are you okay?" Bubbles placed a hand on my shoulder, quietly asking if I was alright.

Rebecca placed a hand over her heart. "What is it...this joy?"

I didn't bother to answer either of them. I couldn't spare Bubbles even a glance. Not because I didn't hear her or was trying to ignore her, but because something far more important dominated my full attention at that moment.

Because there, right in front of me, towering into the sky seemingly endlessly...above all the other trees...was a great, god-like, unsurpassably glorious...cannabis plant.

I felt tears roll down my face.

Instantly I was on my knees in front of Mary, reverence clear in my heart. "MY QUEEN!" A second later I was once more on my feet and kissing her with an unmatched fervor, directly frenching her in front of everyone without care. When I finally released her, breathless and stunned wordless, I looked her straight in the eyes and said,

"Our wedding song is definitely going to be Mary Jane."