Chapter 23 - 23

Brandon had been keeping to himself since he returned to school. He didn't feel like talking to anyone and his friends were getting worried. He kept his head and avoided everyone at school, his eyes only looked up every once in a while to stare at a certain beautiful boy. Reiner had left his sleeping place and moved to the other side of the dorm. He had also switched to advance classes so they were not in the same class anymore.

He made sure that Brandon understood that he wanted nothing to do with him. Brandon felt the void in his heart grow bigger and bigger by the day but didn't say anything. He was slowly losing himself to the pain but didn't bother to get help from the school therapist. He remained silent and endured everything.. The pain he felt was nothing like he had ever felt before and he didn't know what to do about it. He had been sent to the nurse's office many times after he passed out but they couldn't figure out what was wrong with him.

He had heart attacks every other day but no one knew the cause of it. He also didn't say anything when he was questioned, he remained quiet and went on with his life. He wished his heart would stop beating and save him from the pain that he has to endure every moment of every day. He had forgotten how to smile or how to do anything at all, he became lifeless and worked like a robot without any emotions. His parents were called to the school by the principal out of concern but even they didn't know what was wrong with him. It not like they ever knew anything about him.

Brandon had become a quiet kid in the room no one paid attention to. He moved to the back of the classroom and kept away from his friends if they can even be called that now. He was alone in this cold world and he liked it. He started getting used to being cold that he forgot how good warmth is not like he would ever want to be warm. It was written that he would be alone forever so there was no need for him to create relationships. What was the point of them when they didn't last nor brought him happiness?

He accepted his fate and decided that it was good for him to just be alone. Every once in a while he would run into Reiner in the hallway or the cafeteria but they didn't talk to each other. His eyes would stare a little longer at the beautiful boy but he never thought of getting close. He knew that he couldn't get rid of the feelings that he felt for Reiner but he wasn't going to ever act on his feelings. He would love Reiner from distance and wait until his feelings for the boy died down. He would secretly watch the boy play football in the field from the library's window.

He would still glance at him when he passed but the feeling was different. His heart no longer skipped a beat seeing the boy not did his body change like it normally did. He just liked looking at the boy and nothing else. He went on with life with no goal, not ambition, he even lost the will to write a song. He tried many times to write something but each time it was a fail. He tried to express his pain through music but nothing worked his body had grown numb. He could neither express pain nor happiness.

His manager had asked him to write a new song since they needed to release a full album but he couldn't write a single thing let alone sing. He tried to play some of his old songs but he couldn't hit the tune properly and it always came out off. He had lost the one thing that got him through all the bad days in his life and he didn't know who could help him get it back. He was floating on thin ice and feared that the ice would break the next minute and he would sink since he didn't know how to swim. His studies were also going down since he didn't pay attention to anything the teacher said in the classroom. His mind was always just thinking of those beautiful memories he shared with the beautiful boy.

His mother and father had gotten him to see a specialist but he refused. Despite his refusal, the principal allowed the specialist to visit the school and see him. He was forced to sit for an hour with her as she asked him questions he didn't feel like answering. He only wanted to be left alone, it was hilarious, that when he used to beg for everyone's attention they were never around, and now that he didn't want them to be around him they were there. They looked concerned and we're worried about him.

"Tell me, Brandon, why are you so quiet?" she asked and he looked at her without responding. "Did someone do something to you, is that why you are scared to talk?" she asked him and received the same answer as the first time. She went ahead and asked him so many questions but it was all the same answer.

She was trying to be patient with Brandon but she couldn't get anything out of the boy. He always looked straight into her eyes and stayed silent. He wouldn't say a word for an entire hour hand it troubled her. She had never met such a case before, she studied his file and he was indeed a rare case. The unusual heart attacks and his fainting put a lot of question marks in her head. She had tried to ask him when he started having those pains but he wouldn't respond. She was helpless on what to say to get a reaction from him.

"Excuse me," she said and a cleaner who was passing by the room stopped. "Is it possible for you to call me? Reiner Devon for me?" she asked and saw Brandon's eyebrow twitch. That was the most reaction she had ever seen the boy do. The cleaner left and she turned her attention back to Brandon.

"Do you know Reiner Devon?" she asked and for the first time, he looked away from her and shook his head.

"Are you sure because it seems to me that you do know him? Anyway he is on his way and I will just ask him if he knows you," she said watching Brandon's reaction carefully. He didn't look up or say anything and just kept his head down. He didn't feel excited or happy at the thought of seeing the beautiful boy. He didn't feel nervous, he just didn't want to talk about the past. He was tired of everything and most importantly he didn't want to open old wounds.

Only he understood how much pain he was in and he liked not feeling anything. The only fear he has was feeling something especially the pain of being left behind by the person that he loved. It wasn't even his fault and yet he suffered such a harsh punishment for it. He wished to just let everything be the way they were, he didn't want to be hopeful and have his hopes shattered every which way he turned.