Chapter 104: Don't say it's because he's an Android

Over the next few days Xi Zirui delivers some more of the cargo, raising up his delivery rate all the way to 60%.

Han Yu stays in the Irregular, and doesn't even bring up going stationside again.

All of Xi Zirui's attempts to get some information out of him end up frustrated. He's convinced that his desire to name the cat "Little Thunder" is a coincidence, and shows absolutely no sign of remembering his past life in the previous worlds.

Which, he's an Android, so Xi Zirui feels silly for having thought it possible in the first place.

The chance of a soul reincarnating in an artificial body is too much for him, especially considering he isn't even religious in the first place and has never spent time considering these possibilities.

He's returning to the ship from his latest delivery when he finds Han Yu crouching on the floor trying to entice Little Thunder out from under a cupboard with a piece of string.

"Here, kitty, kitty," he says, waving his arm around. "Xi Zirui is going to get mad at us if he gets home and sees you causing trouble."

Xi Zirui smiles fondly at the scene, and even more so at Han Yu calling their terrible ship 'home'.

"I'm already home," he says, walking towards Han Yu who scuttles out from under the cupboard. "And I only see one troublemaker."

Han Yu wipes his dusty hands on the front of his jumpsuit. "And is that me or Little Thunder?"

Xi Zirui grins at him, and flicks his nose. "That remains to be seen."

Something flashes in Han Yu's eyes and he catches Xi Zirui's index finger between his fist. 

A look passes between them, charged with something that makes the breath crackle in Xi Zirui's lungs, but as quickly as it comes, it vanishes. 

Han Yu's smile back in place, a ready laugh on his lips.

Xi Zirui doesn't know what to make of these moments that have been happening more frequently.

He and Han Yu will be doing something completely normal, but then all of a sudden Han Yu will get an accessing look in his eyes, as if he's considering a slew of possibilities. 

Xi Zirui just doesn't know what those possibilities are, but it makes a delicious shiver run down his spine.

In the meantime, he continues to share a bed with Han Yu, and being tortured by the proximity every night.

He watches Han Yu turn his back on him and walk towards the kitchen, the bit of string trailing from his slack fingers, and Xi Zirui much like a cat, is hypnotized by the movement.

---

They're sitting up in bed watching a movie in the holo screen.

Xi Zirui has gathered that alien/ human romances are all the rage, judging by the amount of tv shows and dramas about that kind of relationship they have watched lately.

He thinks it stems from humanity's frustration at not having encountered intelligent life forms yet. Still painfully alone in their tiny corner of the galaxy, no matter how far from home.

Personally, if Xi Zirui was an alien he wouldn't want to meet humanity either, let alone enter into a complicated inter-species relationship.

Of course the Kryger protagonist of the series they're watching doesn't think so. 

"What a fucking idiot," Xi Zirui groans, pointing at the screen where the protagonist, Lyf, is entering into an all out war with her family because they disapprove of her relationship with the human Anna, who is probably the most boring person in the universe and beyond. "She's not worth it, lady."

He shakes his head with a disgusted sigh and reaches into Han Yu's lap to pet a dozing Little Thunder.

The little beast is only ever quiet when he's sleepy. Purring up a storm all the way up to the point he falls asleep, after which he starts snoring like a freight train.

"I think it's romantic," Han Yu says, petting Little Thunder alongside Xi Zirui. "She doesn't let their differences come between them."

That would be a valid sentiment if applied to anyone besides Anna, who is as exciting as a broken vase at the best of times, and as dull as a brick at the worst.

"She's jeopardizing her diplomatic mission to Earth, because of a girl who described her skin color as 'a swirl of Mercury dipped in Venus'." Just remembering that terrible bit of dialogue gives Xi Zirui goosebumps.

He used to be an actor in the acclaimed drama 'Demonic Sect Leader, I'll make you fall in love with me!' after all.

Han Yu frowns. "She's a little unusual, but that's part of her charm. She doesn't hide anything from Lyf, isn't that a good thing?"

Xi Zirui really shouldn't get all worked up over a stupid space romcom, but Anna has been getting on his nerves for the past four episodes.

"She's not unusual, she's stupid! It's like she doesn't understand anything happening around her, and she isn't even the alien," Xi Zirui says, with a frustrated sigh. "Half of the misunderstandings between her and Lyf could have been avoided if she would just use her words and talk."

Han Yu sits up straight against the wall, his hands stilling on Little Thunder's soft fur. "Then does Xi Zirui think she should be direct regarding her feelings?"

"That wouldn't hurt," he concedes, "but does she even know what her feelings are?"

Han Yu tilts his head towards Xi Zirui's. "How so?"

"Does she really like Lyf, or is she only interested in her because of the novelty of her being an alien?" He points at the screen where Lyf is looking soulfully into Anna's eyes. "And what about Lyf? How much of her intense passion for Anna is real, and how much of it is her rebelling against her strict society?"

"Xi Zirui doesn't think two people as different as them can be together?" Han Yu asks, enunciating the words slowly.

"I think they're going to cause each other a lot of pain for no good reason," he says. "If you're going to throw your life into that kind of chaos you should at least be sure it's love."

He cuts himself off abruptly, his eyes stinging. 

Maybe the reason why he's so bothered by this silly space romcom is because he thinks it's shallow, compared to all the things he has gone through to be together with Han Yu.

Is still going through.

Time is a finite resource, no one should waste their own or someone else's. 

Xi Zirui wouldn't be here, delivering stuff to assholes who knows how many years in the future, if he didn't think the person sitting next to him was worth it.

He chances a sideways glance at Han Yu, but finds him absorbed in thought, his silky hair obscuring his eyes.

"I see," Han Yu says, after a long moment of contemplation, and then picks up Little Thunder from his lap and deposits him into Xi Zirui's. "Excuse me."

Xi Zirui is left alone on the bed, holding a pissed off Little Thunder without understanding anything of what just happened.

Was it something he said?

He goes over the conversation they just had and arrives at the conclusion that he's perhaps a bigger idiot than Earth girl Anna -- which is a terrible blow to his ego.

He deposits Little Thunder on the duvet which earns him an annoyed hiss and a scratch, and goes after Han Yu.

Xi Zirui finds Han Yu sitting in the co-pilot's seat of the pilot cabin, his legs crossed on the leather seat as he gazes out at the darkness of space and the small dots of light in the distance.

Xi Zirui approaches him slowly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that different people can't be together, I don't think that at all."

Han Yu shrugs, not turning around to face him.

"There's no need to apologize, I think Xi Zirui is right."

Xi Zirui's heart stops inside his chest.

"You do?"

He can see the back of Han Yu's head tilt forward in a nod. "Some differences are too great to overcome, I understand that."

Xi Zirui whines, low in his throat. "Don't say that."

He can't take that, his only solace between all this world hopping is knowing that he'll at least have Han Yu, for as long or as little as they have together before they're parted once again.

This time Han Yu turns around on the chair, wrapping his arms around the headrest and facing Xi Zirui with a probing look. "Why? Why can't I say that? Xi Zirui should use his words to make me understand."

There's something fierce burning in his eyes, and it makes Xi Zirui's mouth run dry.

Han Yu doesn't wait for an answer. "Because I need to understand why Xi Zirui doesn't want to get physically close to me, and yet looks at me as if the distance hurts him."

"I...I..," he's at a loss for words incapable of coming up with anything to say in the face of Han Yu's indignation.

"I think Xi Zirui doesn't want anything to do with me for the same reasons he said Lyf and Anna shouldn't be together," his perfect features twist into a bitter scowl, "it's not worth the effort."

"No, I don't think that at all," Xi Zirui says rushing forward to touch the sliver of bare skin on Han Yu's arm. "I'm just afraid of taking advantage, because, because..."

Han Yu finishes his train of thought for him, his eyebrows knitted above his stormy eyes, "because I'm an Android?"