Chapter 39: Resentment

We hadn't spoken since that day. Every morning when I got up, I always looked at myself in front of the mirror and got dressed, then went downstairs for breakfast. But he was reading the newspaper all the time and paid no attention to me even when he looked through the advertisement column. Many times, I stared at him until my vision blurred. However, he never looked up at me, he made no eye contact, whatsoever.

When I came home after school in the evening, he was out and didn't come back for dinner.

Once I waited for him until late at night with the expectation that he would return, and we could talk. I thought that he would put his arm around me and send me back to my room, but he just turned a blind eye to me and hurried upstairs alone.

After that day, I did not wait for him again. I went home early and lay down, although I could not sleep at all, I was tossing and turning. I told myself many times that it was over. "Keep walking forward and mind your own business," I thought. But when I saw him, I lost all reason.

All I thought about was just one look from him to assure me that he still loved me the same as before. I survived half a month in such a distressed mood, as if I had been living for a million years, perhaps I would have gone crazy if it had gone on a day longer.

One night, at nine o 'clock, I couldn't bear the cold, dark room and went to Lisa. "Desiree?" she said and held my jaw, looking at my pale and thin face, "What happened?" she asked.

"He abandoned me! He just left me alone," I replied.

She smiled bitterly with no surprise, "You are so innocent! How could a man like him, who has flirted with all sorts of women, be in love with one single woman forever? It is enough that he has loved you."

"It doesn't matter that he doesn't love me now, but he shouldn't cheat on me. Especially when I fell in love with him, he threw me away like rubbish!" I cried.

"The reason that I got hurt was that I didn't understand the rules of the love game!" I said.

She ordered a dozen beers, "Come, sister, I will drink with you, get drunk and go back to sleep Tomorrow is a new beginning!" she said.

The first time I drank, it tasted like tears, bitter. It was not intolerable for me because I was used to the taste. I had just finished the third glass and I laughed at myself that I got drunk after only three glasses.

After a few more, I was truly drunk! Then I felt dizzy and I couldn't help but laugh, everything was so ridiculous. Especially when thinking of what Jonathan had done, I burst out laughing.

I admitted that I was wrong, but I was restless.

After washing my face in the bathroom, I was refreshed by the cold water. My body was numb from the alcohol, I stood at the door with a little unsteadiness, I leaned against the glass wall embedded with dark, red lights, looking at the colorful spotlight on the ceiling.

It was already eleven o 'clock in the evening, I wondered if he had gone home and found I had not come back, and whether he would care about it... Just then, the opposite door opened, and a well-dressed man came out.

The moment the door closed, I just saw Jonathan sitting there, next to an innocent girl, who looked at him with such shyness. For a moment, I smiled at the decent man, who responded with a cold and unemotional smile.

"Desiree, what are you looking at?" Lisa elbowed me.

"My brutal foster father!" I said.

There was still no surprise on her face. "I planned not to tell you that recently he has been coming here almost every day. Now he has an interest in the new girl," she told me.

"I see, pure and innocent!" I replied.

I was a bit reluctant to give up and had a restless feeling in my heart, but then it went away. My heart was completely dying. "Don't look there, later let me introduce you to a handsome guy," Lisa insisted.

"Lisa!" I looked at her short, black skirt and asked, "Can you lend me your clothes?"

In the dressing room, I put on Lisa's black strapless top and skirt. My shoulders and waist were a little thinner than hers, and the rest was the same, so the skirt didn't cling to my body, which shaped my contours nicely. Slightly intoxicated, Lisa cuddled my waist. "Hey, you have such a sexy shape, it is hard to see when you are in a school uniform."

"You are so pure and innocent, which one can't spot at times!" she said. Women could make themselves seem pure and innocent with the right dress, but it was too late for me to realize that now!

Lisa put on some light make-up for me. My hair was not permed and too soft to make into a sexy style, so she wet it slightly. It seemed that I hadn't washed it for a long time, which she said was "charming!"

I spent more than one hour in the dressing room, then I took unsteady steps to the bar in her high-heeled shoes, and said, "Get me a bottle of red wine!"

The barman looked at me, then turned to the other guy beside him. "Are you afraid that I have no money?" I asked. I did have no money, after thinking for several seconds, I continued. "I don't have any money, so I put it on credit, on your boss' tab, he is my father," I said.

"I know, but… " the barman started speaking, but I interrupted him and said,

"Do you know me?"

"The manager instructed us to be careful with you, that you should not drink too much," he said.

"Can I buy a friend a drink? " I asked.

"Yes!" He handed me the wine at once.