Chapter 159 - 158 ... it felt as if I found my way back home.

Just as Charan stormed out, Anand walked into the room. And he was met with a distraught looking Shreya standing in the middle of the room dazed. Anand did not ask her anything. He just went and gave her a warm hug. He guided her back to the bed and made her sit. He then got her a glass of water and Shreya calmed down considerably.

"You want to tell me what just happened?? Why did Charan walk out of here looking as if someone had just stabbed him??" He asked once Shreya calmed down.

Shreya shook her head.

"Shreya…" Anand called her name sternly. Shreya knew that tone all too well. It was the tone he used when she tested his patience.

"I said something mean to him!!" Shreya carefully avoided what she had actually said. If her words had hurt Charan so much who she had known only for a little less than a year, she did not even want to comprehend how Anand would feel if she told him. She did not want to go around hurting people around her because of her stupid insecurities.

"And why did you do that??" Anand asked without bothering to know what she actually said much to Shreya's relief.

"I suggested we stay away from each other until I settle things from my end and he wouldn't agree…" Shreya said in a small voice.

"So you hurt him to keep him away??" Anand asked.

"No… at least not consciously. I just dumped all my piled up emotions on him and he just happened to be the only one around when I lost it, I guess!!" Shreya mumbled.

Anand went and sat beside her and made her lean against him and asked, "You want to talk about it!!"

Shreya shook her head very diligently making Anand smirk as he said, "That was a rhetoric question, princess!!"

Shreya did not talk right away. But after a long stretch of silence, she started talking, " I just lost it when I saw him like that… pointed a gun to his head and I couldn't do anything but watch him being put through it. And all that's been going on in my head from when we came out of there was that even if one thing hadn't gone exactly the way it had… I would have lost him and Akira would have lost her parents… …. …. just like I did… Even if one person had done something even remotely differently…"

"Hey, Shreya. Don't torture yourself like this.. nothing happened!! He is fine. He is safe…" Anand said running her hands soothingly over her arms.

"But what if something similar happens again and everything did not go as it should??" Shreya asked back.

"But Shreya… if you start thinking about all the worst-case scenarios, there is no end to it. He could have a car accident tomorrow and it would have nothing to do with you and you could still lose him!!" Anand tried to reason with him.

"I know that but you can't deny that the odds are significantly higher around me and he has a daughter, uncle. An absolute bundle of joy with a whole life ahead of her… I don't want to go and tell her that she is going to have to grow up without her father too because I was too selfish to let him go!!" Shreya said with a hopeless expression on her face.

"Shreya…" Anand started but then gave a helpless sigh.

"You know when he first told me he loved me… it felt as if somehow I found my way back home. It almost felt like I could be as happy as I was growing up. Just for a split second, I forgot everything else… I want a shot at that happiness… I desperately need a shot at that happiness for all my life… And I am terrified that I won't get it if I stay with him now… I don't know what I would even do if anything even remotely similar to this happened again." A small shuddered racked through her body with just the thought of it. So god forbid if anything actually did happen.

Shreya might look okay on the surface but she was one of those people who did not deal with the loss of her loved ones that well. She might not have turned to a bottle of whiskey and ruined her life but she did not move on either. It was almost like the time stops for her then and there when she lost her parents and she did not move even an inch forward from there until Charan came along. But this thing that happened… it was almost like she was dragged back in time all over again.

"I almost lost it at the barn. I almost lost my rational and did something stupid. It took every last fiber in my being to stand there and think of the odds rather than just to pounce and rip the gun off his head. I almost did it too… If that had happened, things would have turned out so much worse… so f.u.c.k.i.n.g worse than it did."

"I love them way too much… so much that it hurts. I just can't afford to let any harm come to them. I would rather not see them for life if it meant they would be safe… I can't lose them… not like my parents… not again…" Shreya said leaning on his shoulder while her eyes kept staring at empty space.

Anand leaned over and pecked on top of her head and tried his best to console her. "You won't lose them Shreya. Please have some faith!!"

"I am trying… but its not easy…" Shreya mumbled back.

"I am sorry I couldn't save your parents', kid!!" Anand said regret filling the whole of his being.

Shreya shook her head and said softly, "They weren't your's to save and I am really glad you are here…" She leaned in and pecked on his cheeks.

Anand kept her company for a while but she stubbornly refused to let him stay the night. So resigned he tucked her in for the night.

"You… You should close your eyes and sleep okay?? I kept some water at the bedside table… drink it if you need water in the middle of the night. And press that button if you need someone's help. The hospital is secure… but still, be careful… Aunt said she will visit you in the morning. She would have come now itself, but I convinced her she should make you breakfast and bring it in the morning!!" Anand nagged and fuzzed over her endlessly.

"I am not a child uncle!!" Shreya said with a smile and shooed him away.