Taskmaster

The Guild Roster screen materializes into existence about three feet away from my face, causing Sam and Meri to react with shock and awe. Even for Zutiria who has already seen it once, it’s no less intriguing the second time around.

I try and save us some time and run through all the details I’ve currently pieced together at a brisk pace. This power became unlocked when the first one of the three current girls depicted on the roster reached Bond Level Two. From there it’s easy to assume that this statistic was being gauged even before I had unlocked the power.

Pointing at the little bar beneath her current Bond Level, I assure her that she was only slightly behind Zutiria and that if I had spent the night with her she would’ve been the one to trigger it instead.

“Is this why you weren’t as clingy with Boss today? Felt like you were trying to have him spend time with me, come to think of it...” Sam narrows her eyes and leans toward the Mage on my lap who’s playing it cool under these accusations.

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’ Zutiria lies.

“Doesn’t seem like it lasted very long...” Meri giggles and looks up and down the little lady sitting upon me.

‘I relapsed.’ She shrugs and dismisses it. ‘Sir’s love is the hardest of drugs to kick.’

“Let’s remain focused, shall we?” I make sure things don’t veer too off topic, since we’ve a lot to discuss. My ever-growing harem relents their playful bantering and focuses once more.

“Currently I’m able to do a limited number of things with... whatever this power is.” I look towards the sky in hopes of divine interjection, asking in a sarcastic tone, “Does this happen to have a name, my radiant mistress?”

‘...I’m not supposed to tell you how it works.’ Luxy’s voice echoes through my heart and fills it with light, though it’s just a side effect. The true feeling behind her words is biting.

“I’m not asking how it works. I’m asking if it has a name. Referring to it as ‘this power’ or ‘my new power’ will grow as tiresome as having to constantly defer to you as ‘my Goddess, or whoever it is’ did. Labels, woman. I will no longer tolerate such vague mystical nonsense.”

“Z-Zuzu...?” Meri looks to the little lady with a pale, horrified face.

‘Yes, Meri?’

“Is our b-b-boyfriend ordering around the Goddess of creation like she was his personal secretary...?”

‘That he is, my dear. This is your life now.’

“Oh...” Meri hangs her head, her yellow ribbon deflating and making her look like a sad puppy with droopy ears. “Ok then. I’m sure the shock will wear off one day, right? ...R-Right?”

‘Hmph.’ I hear the Goddess’s annoyance grow even more apparent before she goes on to say, ‘It’s a skill I’ve given to a few Kings throughout the ages to help them overthrow unjust usurpers and other such riffraff who deigned to take the throne from the rightful Lundreames. I’ve had some of my Godly friends tinker with it, however, and now it’s more suited to your analytical mind and rather than supporting a group of warriors it now supports the members of your Guild and promotes the growth of your bonds between you and your harem.’

“Is that so? Interesting. Girls, apparently this power of mine is actually-”

“OK, I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME YOU DIVINE SKY BITCH-” Sam stands up off the couch in a rage and points her fist skywards, “We already know who you are! If you’re gonna pass along godly fuckin’ messages and shit just for Boss to have to repeat after you like the realm’s worst prophet can we skip the damn middleman?”

Meri shrieks at such open defiance of the Goddess she was raised to love and respect, though not in religious opposition. It’s just a weird feeling to watch this all unfold, to be fair to the Shield Maiden.

Luxy is silent.

“She makes a good point. If you’re feeling shy then by all means feel free to do it via some sort of proxy but it would definitely be easier on all of us if you could speak directly.”

‘UGH. FINE. You just keep making things worse for me, I... I...’ And then something remarkable happens. ‘I didn’t mean that. I’m sor... ry.’ She takes several deep breaths and tries to focus herself. ‘I’ve been thinking a lot, ok? I’m only gonna say this ONCE. But... I’m... gonna try and improve myself after the way I acted.’

I blink several times in astonishment.

“Boss? Anything?” Sam asks with concern.

I hold up my finger to her, urging her to remain silent for just a minute more.

‘That being said, let’s not make a fucking big deal of it ok? I’ll explain shit just this once but I am NOT revealing my true form to them. You’re... special, ok. The others are just ordinary mortals and... and they hate me after everything you told them about me... for a pretty good reason, too.’ She mumbles that last part under her breath and sighs. ‘Give me a second, I haven’t done this shit in a while.’

I hear Luxy start to grunt and stretch, cracking her back and her neck...

And then shit gets stupid again.

A tremendous ball of light bursts forth into creation in the middle of my office, swirling about with pure luminescent energy until its features become more comprehensible. The brilliant rotating sphere is made up of thousands of golden rings interlocked and cascading against each other like a machination no human could ever possibly hope to understand. The rings are decorated with a thousand golden eyes blinking and looking about the room in every way imaginable.

From within the rings burns a divine fire that I feel would burn my sinful soul to cinders should I gaze too long at its judgmental shine, and a multitiered halo spins around the top of this monstrosity’s ‘head’. The halo sprouts off into dozens of human arms all held raised to the sky in reverent prayer, and from its back lie two gigantic wings with feathers made of flaming swords.

Two more human arms float majestically at the abomination’s side, one holding an endless flowing scroll and the other with a jeweled staff that end in a featureless human head with only a mouth to call its own.

-BE NOT AFRAID!- The head on the staff opens its mouth.

Sam falls to the floor and starts shaking and crying, almost to the point where it looks like she’s having a seizure. “I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M SORRY, PLEASE I’LL BE A GOOD GIRL, I’LL WEAR ALL THE DRESSES AND I’LL SIT STILL WHILE YOU PUT ON MY MAKE UP MOMMY, I’LL BE NICE TO THE FOREIGN DIGNITARIES AND LIE AND TELL THEM I LOVE FATHER AND THAT HE’S A GOOD KING PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE MAKE IT STOPPPP-”

Zutiria falls out of my lap and... uh... solid darkness begins billowing out of her mouth like a plume of evil, desperate smog. She doesn’t move, having passed out in a single instant by the looks of it.

Meri sits by my side and doesn’t seem all that different initially, at least until she looks at me with a wide smile begins clapping her hands. “Ha goo goobabaga,” The mentally regressed Shield Maiden says while a gigantic stream of drool escapes her mouth.

I suppose as one who’s under her favor, I’m immune to looking at this... disgusting amalgamation of mishmashed parts.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BULLSHIT!?” I sit up and throw my arms out, looking directly at the monster.

-...I SAID TO BE NOT AFRAID, IT’S NOT MY FAULT IF THEY COULDN’T HANDLE-

“YES IT’S YOUR FUCKING FAULT YOU MORON, WHAT EVEN IS THIS... THIS HIDEOUS THING?!”

-HAVE YOU NOT READ MY SCRIPTURE? THIS IS AN ANGEL, YOU FOOLISH MORTAL! I USE THIS DIVINE AGENT TO DELIVER MY VOICE UNTO KARNALLE!-

“IT LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING YOU’D SEND TO BURN AN ENTIRE KINGDOM TO THE GROUND!”

-WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE THE TYPE OF ANGEL I USE TO BURN KINGDOMS, FOOL? THAT COULD BE ARRANGED.- 

“I WANT YOU TO FIX THEM AND TRY AGAIN! I ONLY FUCKING ASKED YOU TO SEND YOUR VOICE INTO THEIR HEARTS LIKE YOU DO WITH ME, HOW IS THAT SO HARD!?”

-I’M TRYING, OK! I SAID I HAVEN’T USED ONE OF THESE IN A WHILE AND I WANTED TO SHOW OFF SO THEY’D RESPECT ME, UNLIKE A CERTAIN SOMEBODY!-

“RESPECT IS SOMETHING YOU EARN, NOT SOMETHING YOU ARE AUTOMATICALLY ENTITLED TO, YOU... YOU... OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE, MERI’S PISSING HERSELF!” I point angrily at my brunette lover who has a very satisfied, infantile grin on her face.

-...J-JUST A MINUTE.-

The room becomes overwhelmingly white and then settles down, revealing the angel is nowhere to be found. Three rays of light strike down from the heavens envelope each of my girls, bringing Sam to a calm and rational state, restoring Zutiria’s conscience and vanishing the escaping darkness and removing the sour smell and wetness from between Meri’s thighs.

A small, round bubble of glowing light appears in the center of the room where once stood an angel.

-Sooooo... uh... as I was SAYING, this power is called Taskmaster and-

“LEAVE!” I take my coffee cup and throw it at the light, only for it to break on contact with my desk and stain a small stack of finished paperwork from the night before with its warm liquid contents.

The light disappears, I clutch my temples from stress and begin calling for the housekeepers. “HERE KITTY, KITTIES!”