Chapter 16.5

He was just talking without doing anything, but his palms were wet with sweat. Instead of answering, Jae Young stared at Sang Woo. Soon, a serious face approached and Sang Woo shut his eyes tightly, and soft lips touched his forehead. He stayed for a while there, then fell and landed on his left eye. It touched his right eye, and then the tip of his nose. The next was both cheeks, and finally to his lips.

Contrary to Sang Woo’s expectation that they’d kiss and undress, Jae Young pressed his lips together and returned to his place. Sang Woo opened his eyes again and saw a face that was difficult to comprehend.

“Why aren’t you telling me?”

“I answered.”

“You didn’t say anything.”

“You fool.”

It was something he rarely heard in his life, but he’d heard it twice today. His dark eyes carefully examined Sang Woo’s face as the moon’s shadow settled.

“Sang Woo.”

“Why?”

“Why do you care about that? I’m stuck with you. You know I’d go fully erect even if you just sit next to me.”

His already heated body reacted to the obscene words. Sang Woo tried to find an answer to Jae Young’s question, even though he felt dizzy. He could tell it was an important issue that shouldn’t be disregarded.

The winner who occupied the control tower in this war was the opposite sex. Why he was so upset at the studio, why he was so pissed off at the restaurant. Sang Woo quickly analyzed his behavior, which must’ve been strange, and identified the cause.

“People buy insurance against getting sick,” he said, then glaring at the gear, he added, “You may find someone you like better than me. Then you won’t see me anymore.”

As he uttered the words, the identity of his displeasure became clear. The anger he felt at the studio and restaurant revived, and his sexual desire slowly died down.

“It’s only natural to panic because you’re not prepared for such a situation.”

Jae Young only looked at Sang Woo with a calm face. A moment of silence followed by a dry reply from him.

“It makes sense,” he admitted easily and came a little closer to Sang Woo.

He put his elbows on the backrest and looked into his eyes. Jae Young’s face, which was up close, seemed excited… or was he angry?

“So, tell me, Chu Sang Woo. What do you want me to do?”

Jae Young asked something strange in a slightly cracked voice. Sang Woo almost replied that it would be nice if he wore a mask when he saw Jae Young’s eyes shaking. It was fortunate that reason was alive to block the indecent urge to boss him around.

His head, which took control again, analyzed the current situation. What can Jae Young do for him? He was going to leave in two months anyway.

Regaining his composure, Sang Woo said with confidence, “Just work hard. I’ll take care of the preparations.”

Although contrary to expectations (thinking it would be solved in 1-2 occurrences), his sexual desire was getting worse by the day. There must be a solution to it. If it was difficult to overcome his instinct on his own, he was going to do anything over the holidays, such as going to psychological counseling or addiction treatment, learning abstinence by doing temple stays.

It has been 42 days since he kissed Jang Jae Young at a bar and had sex with him. He’d been swayed a lot, but it was only a short period in preparation for a long life ahead. A small error that would be solved in one day. Sang Woo was a confident developer in debugging.

“Prepare? What do you mean?”

Then a cold voice pierced his ears. Sang Woo, who was lost in thought, looked up and made eye contact with Jae Young who was staring at him.

“If you run out of milk, you should change your diet or buy it at the mart. It’s up to you.”

“Oh.”

Jae Young snorted coldly. He stared at the ceiling as if he was dumbfounded and looked back at Sang Woo.

“I seemed to have forgotten. That shitty mind.”

“I beg your pardon?”

Sang Woo frowned and raised his body a little after being suddenly cursed. Jae Young didn’t answer and leaned back on his seat. His eyes stared out the window fiercely. It’s been a while since he’d seen him in this delinquent mode.

Sang Woo stared blankly at Jae Young as he took out a cigarette and lit it. He knew he was upset, but he didn’t know what he did wrong.

“Are you angry?”

Instead of answering, Jae Young opened the window and blew cigarette smoke outside. Sang Woo muttered while looking at his cold face from the side.

“Why are you angry at me?”

“Who am I to you?”

“What kind of question is that?”

“Why are you dating me? No. I think I know, so don’t answer.”

“Don’t be so angry, just tell me if I said something wrong.”

“You are always right. You don’t say anything wrong.”

“Why are you angry?”

Jae Young didn’t answer. He opened the door roughly, went out, and leaned against the railing, smoked, and then came back. There was still no warmth in his gaze when he entered the car after a long time.

He stared at the engine without saying a word. And even on the way to Sang Woo’s house, he didn’t say a single word until he got off with his backpack on.

return 0;

Saturday, May 26

Jang Jae Young, who was infuriated, didn’t even show the tip of his nose. Sang Woo also set up a ringtone just for him, which he had never done in his life before, just in case he contacted his cell phone. He left the window wide open so that he could notice if he’d come by suddenly, but he gained nothing from it.

Rather, he tried to concentrate on his assignment and work, dismissing it as a good thing, but it wasn’t easy. His eyes kept returning to the window, and his cold expression flashed in his head and didn’t disappear.

‘What the hell did I do wrong?’

Before going to bed, he tried to plot what happened the previous day, but he couldn’t find the cause of Jae Young’s anger. Sang Woo seemed to be angry during the conversation, but he didn’t speak harshly nor provide him with incorrect information.

Being sharp with him was a thing of the past. These days, he’d been nicer, ignoring things he didn’t like, but why did it go wrong? He fell asleep wondering about such a thing.

return 0;

May 27th Sunday

His efficiency was at its worst following Saturday. It became a problem because the strings of teasing, joking, talking to, interrupting, sticking to, and flirting with everyday were suddenly cut off.

Sang Woo felt like a test subject for two days. A conditioning experiment to see if a subject who was accustomed to an unconditioned stimulus would react without stimulation, inertia experiments to see if removing variables familiar to the test subject maintained its original state, and withdrawal experiments to explore the side effects.

‘I miss you.’

The conclusion was one. That Jang Jae Young has infiltrated his life too deeply.

He opened Jang Jae Young’s folder a few times and looked at it from beginning to end, but it didn’t work. It was a waste of time doing that.

Whenever Sang Woo had mixed thoughts, he worked harder and harder. He couldn’t concentrate well, but he had a lot of free time (09:00-24:00, excluding 3 hours of meals and breaks), sothe workload wasn’t bad. The assignment was finished in the morning and sent to his team member, and in the afternoon, he accomplished the feat of correcting an important error.

return 0;

Monday, May 28

The next day, he studied for only two hours in the library and went to the practice room three hours and forty-six minutes earlier than usual, but no one was there. Sang Woo waited for several hours while working, and called Jae Young, but he didn’t answer. As usual, he was in the practice room until 10:00 PM, but the workload was terrible.

Please explain why you’re angry.

18:36

You don’t want to date me anymore?

19:41

I miss you. Can’t we meet today?

21:00

That night, Sang Woo couldn’t sleep for a long time. Emotions and thoughts weren’t separated at all, and everything was confusing. Originally, he wasn’t interested in the past or present that couldn’t be changed because it has already passed. Sang Woo was always interested in the future.

‘I’m a fool.’

He must’ve forgotten himself because he was with Jae Young. Strangely, nothing has been done about the imminent future. Why didn’t he ever assume it properly? The notion that there’d be no one around to relieve his sexual desire, the thought that he was leaving, and the fact that he couldn’t visit and meet him even if it was necessary.

In just three days, Sang Woo’s life was ruined. Why didn’t he prepare for such an important thing while filling up the daily necessities well in time for them to run out?

‘I’m an idiot.’

Although belatedly, he calculated how much Jae Young was needed quantitatively. How often should they meet, how many times a week should they kiss, and how long should they have sex to satisfy their sexual desires. Meanwhile, the night went dark, but still Sang Woo couldn’t fall asleep.

Then he found out.

i) He was seeing Jang Jae Young too often.

ii) They’ve kissed over 100 times.

ii) They slept together at home four times in 19 days.

iv) The cycle of having to see him is getting shorter.

And the restrictions reaffirmed.

v) That he will leave in July.