99 Who's Better

Regan woke up the next morning in the same position she went to sleep in. Immediately, her eyes drifted to the clock on the wall. It was 7:58, he was going to be here soon. 

Immediately she jumped up from her position on her bed and ran to the low lying table in her room and sat down, her feet nervously tapping the ground. She had overslept, he would know.

'7:59,' Regan thought to herself as her eyes darted up to the clock again. 'Any second now.'

She felt her hand throb again and looked down at the marks on her wrist. They were ever so vibrant with dried blood at the tips of her wounds, lining the ugly purple-reddish cuts on her wrist. 

'When did I make these cuts?' She thought to herself and sifted through her memory to find the most recent memory of her cutting her wrist. Folders upon folders of sharp objects stabbing her wrist came to mind and she found the most vivid one. It was accompanied by a dream she hated to the core of her being because it was too familiar. She understood it too well. 

Her hand twitched, reliving the dance with the stranger, finally realizing why it was so unfamiliar at first touch. The softness of the stranger's hand, soothing voice, and the trust it gave her. Every moment felt so vivid and every step she had made felt like it was leading down to somewhere, but spiraling down below with the stranger was strangling comforting. Like she knew she was going to be alone but she was ok with it. She was ok with ending herself. 

Regan gave a brief chortle before clenching the fist her hand had formed. 'Hypnotized by the mystical feel of the dream I couldn't even see. I couldn't even realize that the face that carried me so gently was a stranger so familiar we were reflections of each other,' She thought to herself, 'I couldn't even recognize my own self.' 

She glanced at the clock. 8:00 it read. 

She looked down at her table where the pool of water she had made before had sat. 'Even my dreams were trying to warn me and yet I still couldn't take a hint.'

The door handles clattered and Regan immediately looked up. 'I feel like I'm forgetting something…' she thought to herself, 'something that I hated yesterday…'

She put a smile on her face and readied her greeting. "Good morning-" she began, her voice cutting off when she saw the person that walked in. 'Ah… that was it.'

"Good morning to you too," Antonin grinned as he pushed the cart in. 

Regan slouched a bit. 'It isn't Vixen.' Her composure fell apart once again. Today was off to another bad start. 

"Did you miss me?" Antonin asked. 

"I think you meant to ask that to yourself," Regan shrugged.

Antonin blushed, "Straight to the point huh?"

"It's still morning, you started this," Regan sighed, leaning back against her couch.

"Hate you?" Regan muttered as she stared at the ceiling. "What do you mean?"

"I feel like you sometimes just don't… feel like talking to me. My presence annoys you to the point you might want to jump off a cliff," Antonin laughed nervously. 

"Jump off a cliff? Maybe not to that extent," Regan chortled, "maybe to the point that I want to throttle you. That way you'll be quiet for good." She looked away silently, 'Not like I wasn't going to try to jump off a cliff when I get out of here anyway.'

"Wow… that was brutally honest…" Antonin squirmed awkwardly as he placed down the utensils and then her cup of orange juice. 

"I'd hate to lie,"

"Where would you drop me off?" Antonin asked hesitantly.

"Where there are lots of organisms that can benefit from your death. Maybe in a forest. You can feed both the decomposers and the consumers! Doesn't that sound exciting," Regan chuckled. 

"In what way does that- in a forest though… also makes sure my body won't be discovered that easily," Antonin muttered glancing at Regan nervously. 

"Yup,"

"ARRRGGGHHHH!!" Antonin yelled, falling down into a squat suddenly. 

"What the fu-"

"You must really hate me!!" Antonin cried in frustration. He peeked out his hands at Regan, "was it that bad? Meeting him I mean. I know he's pretty bad… anger issues, abusive, abrasive, a bit too flirty, bad attitude, too touchy, pushes you too much-"

Regan cocked her head, "Are you talking about Ryder?"

Antonin looked up sheepishly, "Y-yea. I know he's horrible, I don't even know why you had to go through that. I'm so sorry, I can't even remember what happened then I can properly apologize to you." He eyed Regan, a shocked expression appearing on his face, "h-he didn't do anything to you, right? He didn't break any boundaries right? Omg, what do I do? What have I done? I'm so sorry. I wasn't in control- fuck, will you even believe me? No one fucking does. I messed up. We messed up so badly. I'm so sorry, I'm sorr-"

"Woah there, slow down there conspiracy theorist," Regan chuckled. She moved from her spot to where he was squatting and patted his back to give him reassurance. "Stop it, idiot, he did nothing wrong."

Antonin looked up hopefully. "You sure?" he asked, locking eyes with her blank eyes, "ah… of course not. Please don't make me feel better. I should have kept a better rein on him. If only could have been able to stop him, if only he didn't ex-"

"Hey!" Regan grabbed Antonin by his face and slammed her forehead into his. "Calm the fuck down. Nothing happened stupid. I'm perfectly fine."

Antonin's eyes wandered to her wrist where cuts could be seen. His eyes widened in fear, "What about that? Did he do that to you too?"

Regan followed his gaze to her hand and she immediately let go of his face, hiding her hand. "That was from something else."

"Ah…" Antonin looked away from her wrist, "ok then."

"Hmm, anyway, it wasn't his fault and he didn't do anything wrong either," Regan chuckled, "Ryder was fine."

"So… he was tolerable," Antonin suggested. 

"No, he was ok to talk to. Better than you maybe," Regan teased.

"Ok... that's good," Antonin smiled, "he was being good."

"Hmm, he was the total opposite of you though," Regan grinned, "he actually has a sense of humor. Though it may be a bit arrogant."

"It seems you took a liking to him," Antonin grinned, "it makes me feel a bit hurt though."

"What for? I said you should stop speaking too much and you didn't so you should have expected that I would like him better," Regan teased, "although all your talking prepared me to talk to him. That I appreciate."

"Hehe, at least I'm used for something good," Antonin giggled as he settled down near the table. He watched Regan as she walked back over to her side of the table. 

"Yup," Regan nodded, "the conversation with him went good. I learned more about him, he is a bit of a flirt… Actually a lot lol but that was ok. It made him fun. If you were like that maybe I'd take more of an interest in having conversations with you. Is 'baby boy' the trigger word? He came out after that it seemed. I also noticed that your eyes are different. It's pretty cool. Anyways the conversation was the most alive one I've had the whole time I've been here-"

Antonin watched as she talked, pulled in by the brightness in her eyes. A pang of jealousy ran through him.

"He was not the type I would talk… maybe he was I don't really know lol-" Regan continued.

"You know, this is the most you have said before I replied right?" Antonin muttered. "You look so bright too… even though it's the second time I've ever met you, I feel like this is the most I'll ever see you happy while you talk to me."

Regan paused for a moment, a glow of curiosity in her eyes as she peered at Antonin, "Really?" 

"Yea…" Antonin muttered, more captivated by her green eyes. 

"Thanks, I guess," Regan grinned genuinely, "it looks like you like to observe me more than I thought you do. It's a bit flattering, thanks."

"Hmm," Antonin blushed, looking away flusteredly. 

He stole a glance at Regan for a second and tried to look away but couldn't. "Regan," he called out, blushing at the fact that he even said her name. 

"Ah… hm?" Regan flinched, the tone in Antonin's voice as he called her name sent shivers down her spine for a reason. 

"Who's better?" Antonin asked.

"Huh?" Regan cocked her head in surprise, "better than who?"

"Who's better? Me or Ryder?"