113 Hand

"Ok," Vixen nodded, "I'll hold your hand until you fall asleep."

"Yay!" Regan chuckled. She stood still for a moment, waiting to feel his hand in hers. A second later, warmth touched her fingertips, and slowly flipped her hand over, its arm long fingers slipping in-between hers. She shivered again, the wave of heat washing over her. 

It was the perfect mix of warmth and cold. 

She relaxed and felt her body melt into her covers, it felt nice to hold whoever's hand she was holding. 

"Ah…" Regan muttered, realizing her fatal mistake, "before you leave, or before I forget to ask, do you mind me wanting to know what your name is?"

"Yes," Vixen immediately replied. "I do mind."

"Ah…" Regan mumbled, her mood dropping. "You like to keep your privacy, huh."

"Yes, I value it a lot more than most do," Vixen smiled, glossing over the topic with a burst of light laughter.

He didn't want Regan to know. She didn't need to know that it was him. That it was him who lifted her from the floor, cleaned her up, dressed her, and held her hand. There was no more that needed to be remembered in their worker/patient relationship. There were only moments to erase. He never liked bonds to begin with anyway. 

"Haha yeah, I get that," Regan chuckled along, her laughter weaker than Vixen's. 

He knew what he was doing was right but… her voice. It sounded so crestfallen. He felt guilty.

"VNCD," Vixen sighed, giving in to her voice half-truthfully.

"What's that?" Regan cocked her head. 

"My name," Vixen smiled.

"Your name is VNCD?" 

"Yup,"

"Might as well just say your name was IDC cuz that doesn't help at all," Regan pouted, her sadness growing into anger with every passing moment, "VNCD?!" 

"Believe me or not, that is my name," Vixen smirked, his hand rising to her head and patting his hand on her hair. 

Regan flinched before letting out a shy smile. "I'll believe you then."

The two laid in silence for a few seconds, Vixen becoming more and more aware of the fact that he was holding her hand. The silence grew heavier in Vixen's mind as he waited for her to finish sleeping. 

He hated this. The feeling of not knowing what to think, how to comfort nor persuade. He hated having multiple new thoughts and emotions being placed on him. He hated being her next to Regan, knowing he didn't even have a fifth of her emotional EQ or even relate with her in a normal conversation without fights. 

And this week… this week wasn't meant for this. He was meant to lay back. To relax, to remember. There was no time to collect shells when those at home would have 10 X more beauty. 

Regan repeated the name out loud for the second time, as if she was trying to get it ingrained in her memory. 

"Nope, I don't want you to leave yet," Regan pouted. 

"Why're you just so stubborn?" Vixen rolled his eyes, "and too comfortable at that."

"Too comfortable? In what way?" Regan muttered, her voice trailing off as she goes into thought, "don't you want me to be comfortable though?"

Vixen sighed, his grip on her hand getting tighter for a second. "Not physically comfortable, you're being comfortable with a man that you barely know."

Regan didn't utter a word. 

"You let me carry you, clean the room, to touch you, to change your outfits, and to hold your hand. What if this wasn't me that was helping you right now?" Vixen scolded, "what if it wasn't me by your side right now but someone else, do you think you would have been ok?!"

"Huh?"

"What if it was another man next to you right now doing all of these things for you. Do you think he would have had the self-restraint?" Vixen looked down at Regan with annoyance. "Do you think he would have simply done all these things for you and not do anything else?"

Regan paused, unable to come up with a good comeback. "I don't know… I don't think they would've."

Vixen clenched his jaw. "Quite the contrary, I know a few people who wouldn't have stopped at the boundary you gave. You are barely able to move for goodness sake! Do you know how much you could've been used? You would have just sat there unable to move for the entire time!"

Regan flinched when Vixen raised his voice at her. 

"But you're not like those people right?" Regan stuttered. 

Vixen sighed, almost offended by the fact that she'd even ask. "Of course not! I'd never touch my patients without their consent or for no reason other than assisting them." 

"Then I'm going to be fine," Regan grinned, "I have you by my side and no one else so I'll be fine right?"

Vixen groaned, "Yes but- you can't just go around, trusting people like that. You don't know what could happen to you."

"You were the one who asked to do all of those things though…" Regan pouted. 

"Yes and I definitely expected you to refuse the dressing on but instead you nodded your head and allowed it," Vixen rolled his eyes.

"But I trust you,"

"What trust? You barely know me," Vixen sighed, "you don't even know my name!"

"So you're admitting to telling me the wrong facts about your name right? You-" Regan smirked. 

"What no, I was just saying you don't know my full name and yet you 'trust' me," Vixen quickly swooped in to fix her assumption. 

"Haha," Regan grinned, bursting into laughter, "you just proved my judgment to trust you as correct."

"Huh?"

"The fact that you're lecturing me right now just shows how much you care about my well-being so I'm becoming less worried about what you can do," Regan smiled.

"Don't be. I have my moments too," Vixen sighed. 

Regan's smile wiped off her face and she suppressed whatever emotion was about to show on her face. "Your moments?" she asked. 

"Yes, my own moments where I don't reason," Vixen chuckled, "it doesn't matter if you trust me or not the fact of the matter is that I am a male grown man and you can't go around trusting people like that. Got it?"

Regan nodded her head slowly, unable to refute him. "I won't.."

"Good, now try to fall asleep indeed of trying to keep yourself away stupid," Vixen sighed. 

Regan chuckled. "Yes, yes, I will."

"You better not be lying about that promise," Vixen narrowed his eyes at Regan, "go to sleep ok? You need it." He looked away, 'And I need to be gone before you can wake up.' 

Regan smiled, trying her best to stay awake. She was failing. 

Vixen sat there in silence as he watched Regan slowly drift off to sleep. She laid completely still, in a state in which she looked neither dead nor alive. She didn't snore, neither was her breathing hearable. It was a bit scary to be around at first but after a few minutes, he got used to it. She looked so calm, she looked dead.

Just to calm his mind, Vixen checked to see if she was still breathing. He relaxed when he realized that she still was. He wished for a book. Something to do while he passed the time beside Regan. What would he watch? What would he look at? His eyes run up and down the room before eventually stopping on Regan.

Vixen had never gotten a closer look at Regan. He never tried to look deeper into her eyes than needed, never inspected anybody's body and he never took the time to look at her face. He had more than enough time now. 

He examined her eyes, long brown-reddish eyelashes. It was surprising a bit as he had never expected her to have that color. Her hair matched with the color of her eyelashes. Her eyebrows were deep brown, the red barely visible in them. She had a beauty mark beneath her eye and a long slope like nose.

She had a beauty mark on her cheeks and another near her thick lips which had a color of brown-pink on top and light pink on the bottom. Vixen's eyes narrowed. He had never noticed how peaceful she was when she slept, probably because she never slept around him. She looked so peaceful, her young skin seemed to represent the innocence its owner should have. No wonder she hated to look in the mirror. It always misrepresented her. No wonder she hated the way she looked, she felt that it wasn't worth the life she's lived.

He understood more now but he was still bent on keeping his distance. Nothing good would come out of mingling with somebody in this hell. Nothing ever did.