Chapter 564: Uncontrollable (1)

The following periods passed uneventfully.

Not really uneventful but I didn’t think it was worth mentioning that Ogawa made a blunder resulting in the class laughing at him.

Although he didn’t fume at his seat, the guy maintained his silence throughout the remaining class until it was time for the Mentor Program.

With my girls going first to their Mentors, I then moved my feet towards the abandoned clubroom.

Expecting I would meet Izumi-senpai there, I prepared on how I would ask her about the result of the attempt I’d given her to make Ogawa look at her last Friday.

Unfortunately or fortunately?... Instead of Izumi-senpai, the one who arrived at the abandoned clubroom after me was none other than Arisa-senpai.

The swap still happened and this time... they already decided to swap even before coming here.

Upon seeing me, Arisa-senpai sported a wry smile as if she also hadn’t expected that she would be meeting me here.

With her feet stuck at the door, Arisa-senpai turned her head sideways, escaping my gaze.

At this point, Arisa-senpai’s normally playful and energetic attitude seemed nonexistent today.

Obviously, the reason for that was my existence or rather, our complicated relationship.

Seeing how she’s fidgeting there, deliberating whether to come forward or not, I opened my mouth to ease her nerves.

“Senpai, I will not blame you if you want to back out today and not do the Mentor Program. If you feel uncomfortable, I can leave and just spend my time somewhere else.”

Upon hearing my words, Arisa-senpai, whose blazer uniform was a bit loose on the shoulder, almost jumped up, as if she’s surprised by the words that came from me.

Even with difficulty, she turned her head to face me and meet my gaze. At the moment, she’s biting her red lips and her brown eyes were slightly shaking.

With her hand grabbing the hem of her skirt, Arisa-senpai opened her mouth. “T-that’s not what I... mean.”

“Hmm? I wonder where’s that honest senpai who even lectured me before? You can say what’s on your mind, Arisa-senpai. I’m not softhearted who will be hurt easily. And honestly, you becoming uncomfortable is the last thing I want to see.” I also put on a wry smile and stood up from my seat.

What happened between us still hadn’t left her mind. She still had the same guilt in her eyes. And she didn’t know what to do with her feelings of attraction towards me.

In fact, she’s probably afraid that by staying with me here, we would once again fail to control ourselves resulting in another point of guilt for her.

She’s that considerate to her friends. She didn’t want to hurt Nami by stealing her boyfriend from her.

Our last conversation was about me taking the blame for what happened in the adjacent room last week. Taking the blame to clear her mind from the guilt she might have felt when interacting with Nami.

I told her I would tell her my story this time but I guess, with a lot that happened last Friday, seeing how Ogawa confronted me and the subsequent events, it’s not plausible for now.

Or am I thinking this too deeply?

Anyway, Arisa-senpai not having the courage to go near me might be not because she’s uncomfortable, she’s probably afraid that our attraction to each other would surface once more. Leading to a more uncontrollable moment for the two of us.

“Onoda-kun... I’m here to listen to your story. To understand you. You told me you’re going to tell me about it. Just that... are you sure we can hold ourselves back?”

“I see. So that’s why you can’t take a step forward... Honestly, I want to say how much I miss you, Arisa-senpai. And... I wanted to hold you and whisper that in your ears.”

“Stop! You told me to clear my mind. You even took all the blame just to let me not be eaten by my guilt... You and Nami, you should keep being loyal to her.”

“I’m more than loyal to her senpai.”

Like I said. I’m loyal to everyone. Naturally, Arisa-senpai’s definition of loyal is different. It’s probably close to Ogawa's ‘loyalty’ with his affection for Nami.

Well, that’s not loyalty but close to obsession.

“How are you loyal to what you just said before that? You’re unbelievable, Onoda-kun.”

“I guess I am. Then senpai, you don’t need to come closer. Here I’ll bring you a chair there while my back is turned.”

Following my words, I grabbed one of the chairs, faced my back to her and began taking steps backward.

After counting ten steps, I dropped the chair in front of me.

“Big idiot!”

Before I could return to my previous position, Arisa-senpai’s shout reached my ears followed by her arms slipping to my sides, locking me in her embrace.

Just like what she feared... Arisa-senpai lost her control over her attraction towards me.

As I felt her squishy front pressing on my back, Arisa-senpai’s also pressed her face on it, followed by her sniffing my scent as if she’s longing to do that for a long time.

“Senpai?” I silently asked without turning around.

I knew that if I turned around this time, it would not just be Arisa-senpai losing control. It would be the two of us already.

“Don’t turn around! Let me just... embrace you like this. Onoda-kun, do you know how cruel you are? You have never left my mind ever since that time. And seeing you kissing Nanami in front of everyone... I had the urge to stand up and just grab you from her.” Arisa-senpai’s voice was a bit muffled given that she’s speaking while her face was still pressed at my back. Her arms were also slowly tightening as if she wanted to pull me even closer when she’s already stuck close to me.

From what she said, she’s surely pertaining to that scene we did last Friday. Nami and I kissed in front of everyone. She’s also in that room and I didn’t get to look clearly at her expression back then.

Well, it’s for her peace of mind after all. If we continued interacting, we both knew that our attraction to each other was dangerously high. Although I could admit that I love her, Arisa-senpai was probably still confused whether what she’s feeling was just pure attraction or she’s already feeling the same. Perhaps it’s only the former for her but with that kind of attraction, it wouldn’t be long before it turned to pure affection.

What’s limiting her was her guilt towards Nami. If not for that, she would probably even confess to me herself. Unfortunately, that fact wouldn’t be erased. That’s why the only path for us to move forward was to let her understand my abnormality.

Her choice would then come naturally after hearing about it. But considering her experience with that ex-boyfriend of hers, it’s not wrong to assume that she would reject my multiple relationships, the same with Shizu.

“You know? For thinking about that, I’m seeing myself as a bad friend... You taking the blame back then isn’t doing anything. I’m now finding it hard to face Nanami... I might blurt out what happened between us and in the end, boast about it!” Arisa-senpai continued, baring everything that’s in her mind.

However, despite saying all that, Arisa-senpai had no inclination to let go of me. She’s waiting for me to push her away rather than do it herself.

... What should I do?