Chapter of Grim Reality: The Path to the Future

“Nn…”

“What? Not satisfied?”

“Nn? I am, though?”

A good while later, around three men carried one of the large mirrors over to us. I thought it was the one they used in the bathing tent but apparently there were spares of that one. Mirrors were rather fragile after all.

“Then, what are you thinking about?”

“Well…”

I looked towards Korwen who was watching me with interest in his eyes.

“How to say it… I didn’t really have much of a chance to look at myself like this…”

The only time I had the chance to really look at myself dressed up through a mirror was back in Arkesta, wasn’t it? Not to say I didn’t take a good look back then but it had been a while and we also had been a little preoccupied with different matters. Though, we were occupied with some problems this time as well.

“Is that so? But there’s a mirror in the bathing tents, isn’t there?”

“Yes, there is, but… Mhm… It’s different.”

I couldn’t really use that one to look at myself when dressing up like this, could I? It’d be a bother for everyone else too. And outside of that, there wasn’t much point of looking at myself naked. The only ones really using that mirror were some of the older ladies applying cosmetics—at least I thought they were cosmetics—to themselves. Or those with longer hair used it when combing their hair, like Karen and Lily.

“If you say so...”

“Nn.”

I returned my attention back to the mirror in front of me. On its surface it was reflecting a petite girl with long pink hair, dressed in black armour and holding a banner. In other words: Me. Not like that hadn’t been obvious.

“Nn… This looks better than I would have thought…”

“Is that some self-praise I hear?”

“...”

Hey, I could praise myself at least once in a while, okay? Even if it was just about my looks.

“Being serious though, of course it looks good. There wouldn’t be much point in you doing that if you weren’t.”

“Nn, well… I guess so? But, aren’t standard bearers relatively common?”

I didn’t know all that much about warfare but I vaguely remembered that medieval armies were often depicted with standard bearers.

“Common? Mh, I don’t know if I should call them common. Armies tend to have them since it increases morale and also helps keeping track of numbers.”

“Keeping track of numbers?”

How in the blazes…

“A well-organised army usually has certain squad sizes and battalion sizes and so on. And if you have, say, one standard bearer per one hundred soldiers, it makes it relatively easy to track, right?”

“Ahh…”

True. You just needed to count the flags. And they were pretty obvious.

“Nn, but since you said it like that, we’re not exactly an army so…”

“That’s right. We’re not an army. It’s not like we don’t use flags and standards and so on, mind you. But your case is a little special.”

“Nn?”

Wait, they were using them? That’s the first I heard of this.

“So, there are others carrying banners?”

“There are… more or less. We use them more for identification, though. There’s not much point in tracking numbers with them since we got variable squad sizes. And the only time we really need them is in actual warfare. It’s more of an extra responsibility some take rather than their sole job.”

“Huh…”

That made it sound a little disorganised.

“But back to the point, in your case it’s a little different.”

“Nn? Why?”

“... How much do you know about history?”

“History?”

“Yes.”

If it was about my own world’s history… Well, I couldn’t remember all that much about it but I did remember some major events here and there. But he was probably asking about this world’s. Actually, I knew a little about Arkesta’s and Lafria’s history with each other but outside of that...

“Pretty much nothing.”

“... It somehow bothers me how you say that with so much confidence for once.”

“...”

I should refrain from commenting… I’d just dig my own grave anyway.

“Nothing, huh… Well, that’s a little bit troublesome. What kind of education did you go through?”

“Ahahaha…”

“In that case, I guess I’ll have to explain a little first… Mhm… It’d be easier to show you on the map but… No, we don’t have that much time so I’ll keep it short for now. We can do that some other time.”

That was fine by me. We were only killing time until Karen finished anyway.

“Occasionally, in history, there are a few famous people. You know at least that, don’t you?”

“Nn.”

“Good. Now, in warfare, those types of people exist as well. They’re sometimes even extolled as heroes. You remember those religious knights from Arkesta? They’re nigh invincible and tremendously powerful. In the eyes of the common soldier, they’re nothing short of salvation, a hero, a guarantee of victory. The effect on the morale they have is unbelievable.”

“Huh…”

But, didn’t they bury one of those when they collapsed the bridge? Also...

“What exactly does that have to do with me?”

“It’s pretty simple, actually. I want you to become a figurehead.”

“A… figurehead?”

I tilted my head in confusion.

“Yes. Mhm, how can I explain it well… I want you to be our face in combat and battle.

“... Huh?”

Wait, what did he just say? The face?

“... Captain, I don’t quite follow, to be honest.”

“That so… Well, let’s see. If I mentioned the Lafrian army, who is the first person you think of?”

“Nn? Uhm… I think Mr Ruben?”

“Why?”

“Because he’s their commander? Also, the only person I talked with from the army.”

I had talked with a few others in the fort and so but none of them were really notable. Heck, I didn’t even know their names.

“Well, as the commander he shows his face everywhere important. He is also a person of integrity and a war hero. Pretty much everyone knows him here in Lafria. In other words, he is the public face of the army.”

“Haa…”

He had a lot of fame… But that was completely different to me, right?

“When people talk about our group, our band of mercenaries, then the most likely face they think of is either me or my father. But my father already long retired and try as I might, beating my father’s achievements is not something feasible.”

“I see?”

“How do you think our new recruits reacted when they found out that my father wasn’t even here anymore?”

“Huh?”

The new recruits?

“They were disappointed, being unable to serve under one of the most famous men. Many of them left.”

“...”

“So, they need a little different bit of motivation to stay, don’t they?”

“... Nn?”

I had a feeling I knew where this was going…

“If we have a cute girl like you around, they might be more inclined to stay. Thinking stuff like ‘once she grows a little older, maybe I have a chance’ and so on. We don’t need to tell them that you already got someone and aren’t even interested in men anyway. Plus, that you’re already past your growing phase.”

“Isn’t that scamming them?”

“Hey, we won’t tell them to think like that, okay?”

“But you already assume they do. That’s just as bad.”

“Their own fault. We need new recruits, you know? And you’re actually pretty popular among our younger ones already.”

Wait, I was?

“So are Karen and Lily, by the way. Why do you think I keep assigning you with the old men? Or Fenna’s squad.”

“...”

… Seriously? That was the reason?

“But being a little more serious, that trend isn’t exactly something restricted to new recruits. When my father left, several of our veterans joined him. Most stayed sure, but we still lost quite a lot. I mostly kept them together afterwards but there I noticed a rather simple problem.”

“Nn? A problem?”

“Yes. I cannot replace my father. My father was skilled at combat and by far the strongest in our entire band. I am by no means weak but there are plenty of men in this band who are stronger than me. I also can’t compare to my father’s natural charisma.”

“Huh? But, that speech earlier was quite impressive…”

He riled them up quite well, in my opinion.

“It’s nothing compared to my father. That’s why I want someone to take that place.”

“And that person…”

“... is you.”

“... No way. That’s impossible.”

Why in the hell did he believe I could fill the shoes that were too big even for him?

“You think so?”

“Yes. Of course, I do think so. I mean, I already… caused a few problems anyway, didn’t I?”

Not to brag but I already had caused more than enough trouble… How did he think that was a good idea?

“Hm, I think you could, though.”

“Huh?”

“You’re smart and you have good looks. Even without the Charm you are quite popular. You are polite and can get along with others. You also don’t discriminate against others. If you gain some more confidence, it would surely be possible for you. You could surely become a figurehead. Maybe even something more.”

“...”

Was that really… possible?

“Of course, if you really don’t want to, I can’t force you. There’s no point in this if you are unwilling to do it.”

“Then—”

“You should think well before you say anything.”

He immediately interrupted me.

“I won’t say anything more, since I just told you I wouldn’t keep preaching anymore. But you should decide this for yourself. I know it’s not something easy. But I am convinced it is something you can do.”

“...”

Convinced, he said… Really?

I looked at Korwen, unsure what to do. Just, what did this man see in me? Or really, in any of us? I knew he was scheming and quite sly and that he was totally leading me on the nose. He definitely was… But… He didn’t do it to hurt us or anything. Rather, the opposite. So, should I let him… trick me?

But… is that something… that I can really do? He’s really asking for a lot, isn’t he?

It was beyond daunting… He was effectively asking me to be their morale support. That… was a ridiculously large responsibility.

What do I do…

As I kept pondering, I glanced over to the wagon where Wanda and Karen were. At some point, Wormaz had disappeared as well. Their voices could be heard from the inside…

Just… what should I do, Sis?

I really wished she could tell me… But… This was something I had to decide myself, right? Just how he had asked Karen to look for a future goal to strive towards. Without relying on my opinion.

“Nn…”

I turned towards the mirror, where I was still reflected in. Even though I was quite distraught, my face was rather neutral in expression. Was this why they kept telling me I was expressionless? But still, could this girl, reflected in that mirror, really do such a thing?

“ A war maiden…”

The story Helma had told me about suddenly popped into my mind. The companions of the witch who had led armies to war. And the story the Elder had told me about earlier… were those war maidens maybe the girls she had met then?

Does he want me… to be like that?

The face in the mirror stared back at me, unmoving. He said he was convinced that this petite girl that kept being lost and unreliable, an emotional mess without common sense, someone who could barely do what they were told to do… He was convinced that this girl could do that?

He… trusts me? That I can do it?

Korwen was an impressive man. And he said that I could do it... But… I couldn’t get rid of these doubts in my head… It just felt… scary…

Ah… That’s right… It’s… scary…

What if I failed? What if I didn’t do a good job? Those thoughts suddenly kept whirling around in my head. After all, how couldn’t they? How couldn’t I be scared when the last time… the last time…

The… last time?

What was... the last time?

No good… I can’t remember…

Then, it was something that happened back then, in my old world? Did I… fail? But… what?

… Even though I already said to leave the past behind.

Shaking my head, I tried to think of something else. I had already determined to leave the past behind, all that had happened with my family. I didn’t remember much anyway. This girl in the mirror… She didn’t have any relation anymore to that world. And it was probably good like that. She wasn’t a man and the only family she had were Karen and the girls. That was fine.

It’s fine.

Things had changed. And I… I was changing too. I had changed. Not only outwardly. Then… Could I… Could I maybe…

“Can I… really do that?”

“I told you already, you can.”

“Hyah?!”

I had been so lost in thought that I completely forgot Korwen watching me. Suddenly hearing him speak really surprised me. He grimaced a little when he saw me shriek but he let it slide.

I can… huh…

Once more, I glanced into the eyes of the girl in the mirror. He said she could take that kind of responsibility. She could stand confidently with the banner in hand. That I could…

“Captain…”

“Yes?”

“I… can I really become like that?”

“Like what? The War Maidens? Sure can, if that’s your goal.”

“... I see.”

For some reason, the girl in the mirror was smiling.

“I’ll do it.”

“I see.”

If he said I could, then, maybe, I really… I really could do it.

“It’ll be a lot of work, you know?”

“Nn.”

“You might regret it. This is the only chance I’ll give you to back out.”

“Nn. I’ll do it.”

“... Then I won’t say anything else, that’d be just boorish of me.”

Korwen stood up from his spot and then walked up to me.

“Yumi!”

With a raised voice, he called my name, catching the attention of quite a few others around us.

“Will you be the Dragon Knights’ own War Maiden? Be the face of the band and lead the men to battle?”

“Nn! I will!”

After all, being called a war maiden, wasn’t that pretty cool?

“Nn? Wait… Lead the men? To battle?”

That… wasn’t something he mentioned before?

“Of course, that’s part of it. Or are you saying there’s a problem?”

He asked me, sporting a mean grin. This, he totally omitted it on purpose!

“... No, there isn’t.”

“That’s good to hear.”

Well, if I had thought about that part for a second, I could’ve figured it out myself. My own fault. But even if I had, it probably wouldn’t have changed my decision.

“Now then, let’s see… You’re going to be quite busy from now on. Let’s see, your first task is to get your companion ready.”

“My… companion ready?”

“Yes. I can’t have you run around alone, can I? Even without the incident from before, the more people know your face, the bigger a target you will be. Even more so in battle. Nothing is more devastating than losing the person in charge. It breaks morale and the chain of command. And the higher up the person, the more devastating it is. If you really become our very own ‘War Maiden’ you will have a huge target painted on your back. Maybe even larger than my own.”

“Uhh…”

In other words, I had to stay alive. Well, I wanted to stay alive anyway but people would target me, huh…

“Just saying, but if you had refused you still would’ve become a large target.”

“Huh? How so?”

“We just talked about building a fort, right? I am not expecting it to be finished within a year or two or anything but depending on the extent of what you can do, even in the middle of the battlefield, this could become an incredibly valuable asset. And just as big a target for the enemy.”

“I see.”

So, it didn’t even matter… Great.

“Anyway, having Karen look appropriate is now your job. I won’t interfere in that part now.”

“Huh?”

“The same goes for Lily. For now, you three will work together. We’ll expand on that of course with time.”

“Huh… Wait, uhm… Only the three of us?”

“Yes. I’ll have Merim supervise you to a degree but outside of that, you’re on your own.”

“...”

“Take good care of those two.”

He… thrust a lot of responsibility to me just like that, didn’t he?

“That’s what you signed up for. You can’t back out anymore.”

“Uhh… I guess I did.”

The three of us, huh… But…

“Nn, Captain. What about the other things we were responsible for? Like, the workshop stuff. We were supposed to research things we can do with my magic, right?”

“First, it’s a workshop and not a laboratory. You make things. Of course, before you make things you have to be able to do so. But, let’s say, the time where you do that is different.”

“Different?”

“You will have mostly time to do that when there’s nothing else to do. In other words, when we have few jobs or when we are travelling. When we are camping near a city or similar, we will likely have to deal with people and I’ll have you accompany me for that as well, so there won’t be much time either. Also, once you can reliably build a variety of things, you’ll most likely only work when we need something specific, or to expand that fort, if we can get that working.”

Huh, so it wasn’t exactly interfering with each other.

“Also, to be able to realise the question of the fort, you will have to get that magic for travelling ready. That Space Magic, was it.”

“That, huh… Uhm, just out of curiosity but… where would we even build that?”

“Where, huh… There are a few candidates I can think of but most likely near the border between Lafria and Aldreigh. There’s an old castle that hasn’t seen much use after the two countries became more amiable with each other. It would be a good candidate if we can get it.”

“Huh… Captain, is that what you want to use the wish on?”

“I’m still thinking about it. There’s a chance the country is willing to sell it to us. The idiot Will let out a lot of information, after all. And if they are in financial straits, they might do it.”

Ahh, he had mentioned that they were offering the wish as payment due to the lack of funds... 

“But, do we even have that much money?”

“It’d be expensive, yes, but not out of reach. If we were to buy it, it’d definitely use up the majority of our funds. But only a few mercenary bands can claim to own their own castle as a base. It’s a bit of a dream for every decent band. Also, it will make overall logistics a lot easier, especially with that Space Magic. The families wouldn’t need to travel anymore, we will have an easier time building up connections and trade with merchants on a regular basis. With time, we might even become a regular spot on their route.”

“Huh…”

He had thought a lot about this, it seemed.

“Nn, but why the border? Wouldn’t it be better closer to the capital of a country?”

“It would, but one thing I am hoping for is to declare it as neutral territory.”

“Neutral territory? You mean, that it isn’t part of the country?”

“Yes. Belonging to a country can be convenient but also comes with its own set of problems. If we were to settle in Lafria, the moment Lafria goes to war, we’d be pretty much forced to join, lest they try to rescind our ownership and attack us in turn. As mercenaries, that’s a bad deal. But if we can keep it as neutral territory outside of the jurisdiction of a country, we can decide our actions entirely on our own.”

“Nn… That sounds more like you’re trying to found your own country.”

Well, since we’d be independent we kind of would be our own country, no? A tiny one.

“...”

“Captain?”

For some reason, Korwen had fallen silent, staring at me.

“Captain? Hello?”

“... Let me think for a moment.”

“Haaa… Okay?”

Well, I wasn’t one to stop him from that.

“Mhm… You raised an interesting point.”

“Did I?”

“Yes. I didn’t think much about that but others might see it as founding our own nation, won’t they? In that case, we’d have to talk with the Aldreighan government first. Mhm… I hoped to be able to manage without using the wish but in that case, I probably won’t be able to get around that. There’s no way Will wouldn’t notice the implications. He’s an idiot but still sharp in these matters.”

Good I mentioned that, huh…

“Build a house in a day, a village in a week, a town in a month, a fief in a year and a nation in a lifetime and beyond.”

“What?”

“It’s a proverb, about the difficulty of building something. Not only in regards to a nation but in general. Everything you do has to begin somewhere, right? And from there, you build it up, until it you have thousands and tens of thousands of houses making up the nation.”

“Nn, I see.”

The kind of proverb like how a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step, right?

“Mhm, I’ll have to look over that a little more in that case. I admit, I was a little blinded by the possibility of obtaining our own permanent base that I didn’t consider that part. Haaa… Good thing you made me notice.”

“You’re welcome.”

If I was of help to him, that was great.

“See, I sometimes make mistakes as stupid as that too.”

“Ahahaha…”

Rather, it hadn’t yet turned into a mistake, right? He noticed early enough.

“Well, enough of that now. Do you have any other questions for now?”

“Anything else? Nn…”

What other questions… It probably wouldn’t take much longer for Karen and the others to finish so… What to ask…

“Nn… Why me? Or rather, why us?”

“Mh? I’m not sure I get the question.”

“Well, how much did you plan all of this… Me taking that… job, and about Karen. And Lily. I mean, you’re asking me to take a lot of responsibility. But, for better or worse, we’ve only been here for a month...”

“Ahhh… I see what you want to know.”

He smiled wryly at me when he realised my question.

This… had bothered me for a while. He was very amiable towards us, to the point I honestly had no idea how to even repay it. Sure, he made the point that we were magicians. Well, in training. But now, what he was asking was… way beyond that.

“There are a few reasons. And no, I didn’t plan it to the extent you think of. Originally, I really only thought of you as potential magicians to raise. The scarcity of magicians for mercenaries is very real. Everyone who can use magic either takes a job with the government, for an influential person, the Academy, in Lafria’s case, or the army. I also admit that you being rather… useless… stumped me a little.”

“Ahaha…”

Not mincing words now, was he…

“But despite that, you tried your best for your sister back in Arkesta. That made a bit of an impression on me. Regular people who are not used to war tend to freak out. But only the fewest are willing to tackle war to ensure their survival. And you already experienced what it means to kill a person.”

“Uhh… Why does that part matter?”

“Do you know what the largest difference between an experienced soldier and a recruit is?”

“Uhm, their training?”

Korwen shook his head.

“In a way, it’s important, but not quite. The largest difference is whether they have killed someone or not. That is the unmistakable turning point that decides whether someone can survive in our line of work or not.”

“... Really?”

“Yes, really. Someone who has never killed can never understand the dreadfulness that comes with it. Most regular people will break. If not immediately, then in the future. An experienced soldier knows this dreadfulness and is less likely to hesitate. It is either their life or the enemies’.”

“...”

Was it really like that?

“Well, let me ask you something. Merim told me about your actions in the forest. When you accompanied Lily to fight the ambushers. What did you think?”

“Huh? What I thought? Well… Not much? It was… bloody...”

Lily killing them was… not a sight I could easily forget.

“And yet, you showed Lily where they were without hesitation, didn’t you?”

“Huh? Nn, I guess I did?”

“Even though you knew it would spell their death.”

“That’s…”

Not something I could deny…

“I am not saying this to scold you. It’s the opposite. You did well. But your actions contributed just as much to their deaths as did Lily’s. You might not have killed them with a weapon in your hand, but you killed them by pointing your finger at them.

“Tha— That’s…”

I… killed them? I.. did… didn’t I?

“You did it to protect your own life and the lives of your comrades. There’s no reason to blame yourself for it. Understood?”

“... Nn.”

“But I think you understand now, right? I’m sorry if this was a little harsh to you, but understanding that part is important. And that they won’t be the last.”

“...”

“There are many more people who will die by your hand in the future. Many more. And there will surely be many people holding a grudge against you. Against me, against all of us.”

My eyes went wide in wonder… How could he say that so calmly?

“We kill for money or to protect ourselves. We aren’t a group of warriors fighting in the name of justice. But we don’t do it indiscriminately. We only fight if we have a reason. Keep that in mind. The people that died through your hand today, died because they threatened us. Nothing more, nothing less.”

… This was, what it meant… to fight… to kill as a mercenary… Wasn’t it? I thought I had prepared myself for it but… once he pointed it out, it still came as a shock.

I took a few breaths, trying to calm myself.

“I… understand, Captain.”

“Hmm… That’s good. Seems I didn’t have to worry that much.”

“... I thought we were done preaching?”

“Hahaha! Caught me red-handed, didn’t you? But you were the one asking, so I couldn’t quite help it.”

“I see…”

Even if it hadn’t been directly, more people had died at my hand. And not to save someone like in Arkesta. Sure, it was to protect ourselves. But… we didn’t have to go that far to actively attack them. But we did. And I hadn’t questioned it.

Maybe it was for the better that I hadn’t… Maybe… that really was what Korwen meant… The dreadfulness that came with killing.

But… I chose this path… No, now I have chosen an even worse path, haven’t I?

A bloodied path… But… I gazed at the wagon’s door. Right then, it suddenly opened, and three people came into view.

“Ah, guess we’re out of time. They really took their sweet time. Well then, to fully answer your question. You have experienced quite a few things already. Yet, your personality is good and friendly, you do not relish in killing nor combat. You are a bit of an idiot at times and way too docile for your own good, but you think of those important to you and aren’t completely averse to protecting them even through violent means. You are educated and can deal with more difficult discussions. You don’t discriminate. There are many things that I can complain about but that’s true for everyone. That you are a magician is also an important factor. Though your nature is a bit of a difficult matter to deal with, it offers many opportunities. Honestly, there are plenty of reasons why I decided on you. But, well, I guess one of the most important ones is that I feel like I can work with you.”

“Work with me?”

“Yes. Simple, right?”

“That is… too simple…”

“For that, I got all the other reasons listed, right?”

“I guess…”

He did list quite a few reasons… But it really felt like the last one was the real one. It was just a gut feeling, of course, but… Well, it made me happy if he felt like that. I didn’t dislike him either, after all.

“Just saying, but I’m already devoted to sis.”

“Don’t say such things that are easily misunderstood. Also, I’m married happily and have a daughter. There’s nothing past being friends here.”

“Well, friends it is then.”

“Yeah, that’s how it is.”

I couldn’t help but grin at our exchange.

“But now, work is calling. Well, your work.”

“Nn…”

“Also, when jobs like this are over, I tend to have a little celebration with Merim and some others. Got some good alcohol around so if you want to join, you’re welcome.”

“Nn, sounds good to me.”

“Great.”

That was something to look forward to, huh.

Maybe this path I had chosen just became even bloodier but… I couldn’t feel any regret at it right now. More like, I felt a little bit freer, to be honest.

I wonder what will happen in the future.

Rinne

Thank you for reading! Stay healthy and safe!