Chapter 34

Chapter 34 – Confusion and Selfishness (5)

I gazed at Distria with bewildered eyes. He grabbed my legs with great force, spread them apart, and put my love liquid on the wooden piece before putting them right into the anal.

“….!”

A piercing pain came as it cut through the lower part of the body at once. No matter how much love liquid was smeared, it was difficult to accept something similar to his size at once due to the narrow passage.

He pulled the wood all the way out and put it back in. Every time that happened, my body automatically swayed from side to side in pain.

“Huuu-ugh!”

Ah. Really, it hurts.

The chain dug into my wrist, and it hurt as well. The sound of rustling chains resounded.

Panting in pain, I hoped that it would soon turn into pleasure. Distria, who looked down at me, pressed his thumb against the cl*toris, put his hand inside me and started the perpetual motion.

“Hng…”

A harsh breath and moan escaped from my mouth as my cl*toris being pressed gave me stimulation. Distria murmured, teasing his hand as if he was laughing at me.

“I couldn’t find anything as a king in you. You look like a prostitute.”

The hand he had put in for a moment was glistening with love liquid. He loosened my bound arms and made me lie down. Losing strength in my body, I gasped in excitement and, without much resistance, easily took the position he wanted.

Distria began to piston without pulling out the wood that had been pushed all the way at the back. Every time he moved back and forth, I felt a heavy impact coming from my back, and it felt like I was being stabbed back and forth.

A gasp was about to come out, but I gripped the sheet tightly and tried to hold back my moan.

“Uht… u-uht…”

The moment he pulled out the wood. It looked like lightning had struck me. I was filled with a sense of climax in an instant, and without realizing it, I let out a moan like a scream.

“Hu-ahng…! Huk, ha-ang…!”

I bit my lip belatedly. The sound of his laughter could be heard in my ears.

Roughly laid me forward and pressed one hand against my chest, Distria pursed his lips and gazed at me. He began to gradually increase the speed of his thrusting.

I already came once, so I was sensitive and felt like I was about to climax again. He draped my legs over his shoulders and shoved himself deep. I gasped for breath as his flesh went deep inside me. My legs swayed wildly on his shoulders to match the movement.

“Huhk! Ha-ah, aang…!”

“Kuk, ku-ugh!”

Distria’s movement became urgent in an instant. I felt something bursting inside. He climaxed.

Pulling himself out and grabbing my arm, he lifted me up and grabbed my sweat-soaked hair as he shoved my face into his flesh. I could feel the smell of the fishy semen from the tip of my nose, along with the slippery love liquid.

“Lick it. cleanly.”

“…No.”

I lifted myself up with trembling hands. I lifted my head and stared at him, trying to say no again, but he shoved my face down again. He forced his finger in my mouth and made me swallow his pillar. He shoved it all the way to the end of my neck to satisfy his greed.

Kuhk, ugh—

The blunt thing pierced my throat as if it was touching my esophagus, and tears welled up.

Somehow, the negative emotions seemed to disappear as I was forced to have s*x with him without even giving me time to think.

* * *

“Can I come in?”

Acacia has arrived. He did not come in but stood in front of my door and waited for my reply. I felt miserable. How was I even doing this…?

“Come in.”

Acacia opened the door and entered. His pink hair, which was always neatly tied up, fluttered over his shoulder. I couldn’t recall the terrible sight where I was worried about his changed, slightly unfamiliar appearance.

What to say… I looked up at him blankly, not knowing what to say.

“I heard you were worried.”

“….”

“Sorry to make you worry.”

It was not pleasant to hear an apology from a person who was about to die. At first glance, I could see a bandage tied around his wrist.

“…It was you who almost died.”

“It may be just once, but I am always in danger of dying.”

I shut my lips tightly. It was an act to be certain that he would not die. I was confident that Distria would not kill me. He might kill him in the future, but not now.

“…And, I’m not weak enough to die from that kind of corporal punishment.”

Acacia knelt at my feet as he did then. The next moment, he kissed my feet and looked up at me. He looked at me and desperately appealed to me.

It was guilt, not sympathy. It was guilt, not pity…

“Use me.”

“….”

“So, that I can make atonement for you.”

Acacia lowered his head. I took a step back and sat down to meet his gaze before stroking the ends of his short hair and stroking his face.

I was not the only one struggling with guilt… I felt a sense of unity, but I hid my secret so I was able to play with him without her effort. Even when we had s*x in the first place, there was never a time when I was thinking like myself.

“I hate you for making me this way.”

“….”

“If it’s okay to use you and throw you away, I’ll be happy to use you.”

I spat out words that didn’t make sense to me.

Perhaps, it was because of me that Acacia, who originally never had a relationship with Arne, had it here. Perhaps, I was made to play her character… I couldn’t figure it out. I felt confused in a strange place.

For a moment, my lips were firmly closed in disbelief. I licked my lips that couldn’t be forced open.

“What can you do for me?”

“Everything you want… I will give it all.”

As soon as I heard those words, I asked Acacia.

Give me Alec’s neck.

The orders I gave him contained nothing of my sincerity.

* * *

It seemed like yesterday that I lost my reality when I saw Acacia’s tragic appearance, but humans were animals that adapt well to their environment. I looked at Alec, who had been smashed and tossed around on the floor.

We had sex, but I couldn’t feel anything. Alec sighed heavily and complained of his pain.

“Ku-ugh…gasp… gasp…”

Why couldn’t I?

Resenting myself for a moment for my choice, I then shook my head.

I approached Alec, who was slowly dying. The arm that grabbed me and led me, the strong body… They were all mangled and fell to the floor like chunks of meat.

“Why?”

It was a meaningless question. I wasn’t even curious about his answer. It was a formality. I held the small dagger handed by Acacia in my hand. And I never expected to see him like this again.

…Arne, Arne… Would demand this.

While experimenting with Acacia, my own anger could be alleviated at least a little. She would demand such an act. Still, I tried to satisfy my greed. I was planning to kill today. If I felt lost in reality and felt guilty, I wondered if it would be okay if I lost my sense of reality again.

So, I was thinking of killing.

I slowly approached Alec, who was lying on the floor. It smelled of blood.

Each time Alec was about to lose consciousness, Acacia splashed cold water over his head. He gasped in the cold as his eyes trembled at the pain.

It was a brutal sight that I had never seen before.

Until recently, such blood and death were only available through the media. I was living a life that was far from direct death — moreover, murder. However, it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I didn’t mind looking at someone who was already dying. I held the dagger.

“The sin of touching my body.”

“Kuwaaahkkk!”

I cut off Alec’s hand. I could feel the eerie feel of the skin being cut vividly in my hand. I got goosebumps for a while. The fact that you can easily kill a person with a single knife that didn’t require much effort.

He let out a long scream.

Fainting, his eyes rolled over, I poured cold water on him to wake him up. Alec was sobbing with a beastly sound. As it looked like he was trying to move his broken leg to get out of here, it was even more difficult to see.

I cut off his head at once. It felt like cutting meat. Not knowing that he was dead, my body, which had been moving for a while, was limp.

…I committed murder. For an unexpected reason, for wanting to lose reality. I killed a person.

But, nothing happened.

…Was this my original personality? Was it Arne’s personality? No matter how much I remember, Arne had never killed anyone. Why couldn’t I feel anything in this series of processes? Was it her feelings, not mine, that make Rewan special?

I thought of a family I had never thought of before.

Acacia’s eyes met mine. Turning my head, I looked at him.

“…I want to do this.”

“…Is that so.”

“Yes, very.”

I threw the knife on the floor. Blood splattered with the sound of a clatter and I stared at the edge of my skirt, already soaked in blood.

“….”

I didn’t think I had lost my sense of reality.

I felt dirty, as it seemed that the humanity I had had had disappeared. I was enjoying the pain of others in the first place, though did I have humanity…?

Before entering the room, I stopped by Acacia’s residence in the Imperial Palace. It was a dull room with nothing but a place to put a sword and a bed. I took off my blood-soaked dress and went into the bathroom.

It would have been better if I didn’t know that this place was a novel. Why put the characters into a frame, decide their story, decide their fate, and judge them at will…?

…In the end, why am I in so much pain? Why do I have to suffer?

I mean, I didn’t want you guys to change.

I glanced at the hand that killed the man. I remembered the description of the first murder that was described in a movie, a TV show, or a novel — The hand looked red, the heart was pounding, they sweated and had nightmares.

I didn’t expect anything like that, and I didn’t want anything to happen.

I just wanted to lose my sense of reality. Rather, I felt strongly that this place was real. Why, of all times, now, did I get a sense of reality that I didn’t feel even with the pleasure of turning my hair white?

“Haa.”

Was it because he was worried that I hadn’t been out for too long? Acacia knocked on the bathroom door.

“Come in.”

He had a worried expression.

My breath choked. I was the one who did the killing, but why was he worried about me…? I wanted to stop receiving unnecessary sympathy.

I felt like I was going to have a mental illness.