Chapter 135 - Intending To Run Away Once Again

As soon as Donghwa left, I could see the future disappearing with him from my sight. And as I tried to look for another one, I couldn't find a new future that promised happiness other than a long and endless gloom.

I thought, in our previous relationship, it was Donghwa who was the dumbest. However, I just realized that I was the only dumbest person here — a person who was stubborn and didn't want to admit his own feelings — I was stupid and insane.

If people find out about this, then they would laugh at how stupid I was with my decision as if they were laughing at a joke in a comedy scene.

My fear of starting a new relationship with Donghwa made me feel like a person who had just lost his true self.

There was a strong desire to become one with him like before, but once I thought about how he accused me, scolded me, forced me, tortured me, those all scared me. And, when the chance came once again to both of us, I was like someone who really hated him.

I could feel how the pain was eating away at my heart.

In the solitude, I closed the curtains with trembling hands, then turned around, and leaned limply against the wall. I slumped slowly, dropping myself on the ground as if my body no longer had the muscles and bones to stand on. I was like a lump of flesh that would soon rot and be eaten by maggots.

I unconsciously looked up and cried as loud as I could, crying over all the things I couldn't mention one by one as I began to imagine how cruelly I said my words to him.

Perhaps, saying everything was the thing that should be done. But, as soon as I finished saying many complaints to him and thought that I had got over it all, nothing felt better inside of me right now.

However, on the other hand, my heart kept trying to comfort myself who was buried in grief by continuing to convince me that this pain wouldn't last long. But, what I felt now was far from what I could bear. I didn't know how long I could endure the pains and burdens on my back.

Sobbing in solitude, suddenly Donghwa's words crossed my mind, stunned me with tears that kept flowing like heavy rainwater that fell after a long drought. I slowly lowered my face, staring at the floor blankly.

"Chunghee, leave Kim ...."

"He's getting married ...."

"I love you...."

"Goodbye...."

Donghwa's words randomly played in my head like a broken cassette, causing my mind to become very chaotic.

After grappling with my own thoughts, it was then that I realized that maybe I was better off alone ...

I was silent for a long time as if my mind was drifting in the air aimlessly and forgot my way home to return. Then, as soon as I regained consciousness, I looked at the scarf hanging from the corner of the room and started thinking about leaving.

Yes ... while Daehyun wasn't here, then this would be a good time to leave... I had failed to run away on the first chance, and maybe on this second chance, I would succeed to do that where no one would find my hiding place.

With trembling legs, I tried to stand up and walked towards the bed where Daehyun put the bag. Sitting on the bedside, then I reached out to grab the bag and opened it. I took out a few tens of won and my card which I remembered, had several thousand won in it. I thought that's enough to last the next few months.

I smiled weakly, thinking that I wouldn't last for the next few months. I then got up, put on my coat, and took the scarf that was hanging beside the old wardrobe. I confidently walked out of the room, walked down the stairs, and thought that this incident happened twice in my life. First, when I argued with Donghwa. Second, because of Donghwa's words, it seemed to hypnotize me to leave Daehyun.

When I was downstairs, I rushed to the door and immediately opened it. However, as soon as the door opened, a tall and sturdy figure also stood right outside, about to open the door.

I froze instantly, staring at Daehyun silently as if I was a prisoner who had just been caught running away from his cell.

Before I said a word, Daehyun firmly gripped my wrist. He asked with a firm tone without an expression on his face, "Where are you going?"

Even though he wasn't bluffing, his voice sounded cold. "Do you intend to go again? Do you think this way can solve everything?"

Grimacing in pain, I didn't say anything other than trying to let go of Daehyun's grip on my wrist.

Daehyun stepped in. He slammed the door hard enough so that the sound of the door sounded like a rumble in this narrow room. He had not let go of his hand yet, even gripping my wrist tighter and tighter as if my bones were about to break.

Finally, unable to stand it, I whimpered, "Let go of me. Let go ..."

"Where are you going?" Daehyun asked again.

Hearing the question, I gave up and didn't struggle anymore. I stretched my arms but not Daehyun. He didn't even loosen his grip by even an inch.

I stared at Daehyun for a while. His face looked icy cold, even his eyes looked like a frozen sea. I gritted my teeth, saying, "Daehyun I'm tired. I want to be alone."

"Where?" Daehyun's tone sounded higher, "You told him to leave, it means you have made up your mind to be with me. As I told you that you will come with me wherever I go. That's your decision."

I lowered my head, hiding my face. His words almost made the tears welling up in my eyes almost to tear. I realized that lately, I had been breaking promises.

Finally, I ventured to lifted my face, then said what I needed to say, "I chose this decision doesn't mean I'll be with you. From the start, I intended to be alone, and now I need to do that."

"No." Daehyun emphasized, "You choose to leave, then it's your decision. You can tell me to leave, but staying with you is my choice. I don't even mind this stupidity. You can be selfish as well as me. You become selfish to yourself and Lee, so I also became selfish to myself and also to you."

Daehyun paused for a moment, and as soon as he spoke again, his words sounded soothing, "Don't try to go a second time. If you decide to go, please, tell me so that I'll go with you."

I was speechless and unconsciously fell into his arms. After all, I did have to stick to my words. I bravely said many things to Donghwa, so I had to face another person for this choice.

Daehyun embraced me tightly for a few moments before he let go of his arms and smiled. He wiped my tears and said, "You should rest. You've worked hard today, so rest to calm yourself down. Let's go to the bedroom."

I thought Daehyun would pull me up to the room, but instead, he carried me like a person who could no longer use his two legs to walk.

Once we were in the bedroom, Daehyun put me on the bed. He helped me to take off the scarf and coat I was wearing with a smile.

His face was so bright, looked radiant, burdened by nothing at all.

Looking at him, I asked, "Daehyun, will everything be okay? Will this pain end soon?"

I didn't know what I asked that for, all I knew was that I wanted to hear someone telling me that everything would be okay and this pain would disappear, and Daehyun said what I wanted to hear. It made my heart a little more comfortable.

However, once I returned to my senses about what had just happened, I felt like my heart broke again.

I thought that our meeting was short, as an illusion in a dream but left a permanent trail that made me feel trapped in it. Then, when it came to light, it really was bitter to come true.

Dissolved into the silence, something sparkling appeared out of the corner of my eye. Then, I slowly turned my head towards the shiny object and found a familiar ring laying on the table, reflecting a white glow from the light of this room. I grabbed it, then eyed the writing that was still clearly engraved on this ring.

"I got him out of my life ..." I muttered softly to myself.

I felt proud of myself, but my eyes suddenly started crying again. Previously, I never imagined that our relationship would have an ending like this.

I gripped my ring tightly, then returned to put it in its place while wiping my tears. Shortly after, I was lost in reverie before Daehyun's deep voice made me awake, "Chunghee, are you mad at me for deciding that?"

I turned to him, smiled a little, "No. Thanks to you, I was able to express my complaints to him even though not for everything."