Chapter 141 - Lee Donghwa: Everything Looked Pitch-Dark

In a cold, cheerless living room. I sat in the darkness for a long time; pensive in solitude and silence while thinking about events that had recently happened, like a dream when I woke up from my sleep and it suddenly appeared in my head.

However, the pain in my chest indicated that Chunghee's words were still left in my mind, confirming that our meeting and his statement at that time were a reality that I had to face.

I gripped my hair tightly as if the skin of my scalp was going to peel off my skull as I kept thinking about how our relationship ended in the way I least wanted.

Chunghee's decision a while ago was unimaginable. It made me feel restless and broken at the same time. I knew it would be hard for him to forgive me, but knowing that he would never come back was something I never expected.

It hurt me so much.

I thought, he left me was the most painful of all, but knowing our relationship couldn't be fixed anymore was much more painful than a lot of the pain I had been feeling lately.

Every day, all I could do was crying, screaming, destroying everything I could reach, until this house looked like a ship that had been hit by a storm on the ocean. Until in the end, I felt that there were no tears left in my eyes anymore.

How did I try so hard to find him and risk the pride I held in high esteem, did they mean nothing to him?

At least, if he was reluctant to forgive me, showing compassion to give me one more chance would mean a lot to me but in fact, he didn't give me any chance.

Doesn't he see that hope in my eyes? Or ... all this time, I was just expecting too much with this useless thing?

Heh, it wasn't even that much. I hardly did anything!

I thought, being optimistic only caused even more disappointment!

However, deciding something like that in our critical relationship made me lose the light of my life.

I had lost the light of hope. Now, everything was just darkness, as if I was walking in a gloomy room aimlessly. This chaos had completely misled me, while someone who always guided me would never give me the chance and would never repeat the same moments.

This was a decision that was decided unilaterally. Although it was hard for me, Chunghee's decision was absolute, leaving me frozen without a single refusal. And as if without a choice, in my compulsion, I would do what he wanted as an atonement for my mistakes.

I didn't want him to hate me and I didn't want our relationship to end with hatred.

We started this relationship off to a great start and should have ended it gracefully. Also, if by deciding this, Chunghee could forgive me, then I would try to be able to let him go. If this way he felt happy, then I didn't mind at all to lose hum. I was willing to endure all of this pain alone.

But, there was one thing I wanted to know, 'is this decision the best way for our relationship?'

To be honest, I doubted that, but my head could no longer think of anything saner. No matter how hurt the pain was, everything would end soon.

A few moments later, having regained my senses, I opened several of the files on the table and studied them lazily. Feeling dizzy with all kinds of thoughts in my head, I massaged my forehead which felt heavy, then shifted my eyes towards my cell phone on the table.

There were a few missed calls from my business colleagues and a few calls from Hoonsik that I purposely ignored as if I wanted the world to never think of me as existing. Then, my thumb scrolled the menu on the screen. Looking at the inbox, I opened it and saw some unread text from Sunyeon.

"Can we meet tonight? I promise I will not discuss our relationship again."

"Please, I just wanted to tell you something. I have to say it in person, so I'll be waiting for you tonight in my apartment. I beg you, just for tonight."

It had been a long time since he contacted me again. I thought he had given up, but apparently an ex-gigolo like him seemed to be a gigolo as if his flirting instincts had fused with his blood.

Before my head made a decision, my cell phone suddenly rang. As if my mind was distracted, I froze for a moment before lazily answering the call, "What's wrong?"

"Mr. Lee, sorry to interrupt. Where have you been in the three days, sir? I kept calling you, but you never picked up my call. Didn't you go to the office today?" Hoonsik asked doubtfully.

"No. Clear my schedule for the next two days. I want to go out of town."

"Ah, all right, sir." Paused for a moment, he asked, "But, do you have time this afternoon? I just want to return your documents."

Frowning, I asked in confusion, "What document?"

"Um, financial support for Mr. Park, sir."

I froze instantly upon hearing the words. And as soon as I could move my body, I immediately stood up in surprise, but still couldn't say a word.

Until a few seconds later, Hoonsik's voice was heard again and immediately snapped to me, "Sir, can you hear me?"

Lowering my gaze slightly, I said in a weak voice, "Alright, just come, now."

"Ah, okay, sir."

Hanging up, I slowly lowered my hand, and subconsciously dropped my cell phone on the floor.

I felt dazed and wondered why Chunghee didn't want to sign the documents. I didn't know, did Chunghee really hate me or what?

I don't know ...

I'm confused ...

Feeling helpless, I dropped my body on the sofa, leaning my back weakly as if my soul was gone. I lifted my hand, placed it on my forehead, and felt an utter disappointment that I had never felt before.

Shortly thereafter, the doorbell rang. I glanced at the door for a moment before standing up to open it.

At the door, Hoonsik stood with a forced smile as if he was worried about something. He handed me the brown folder I gave him a while ago while explaining, "Sir, Mr. Park doesn't want to sign it. He said that Mr. Kim will take care of everything."

I didn't seem to hear anything. Whatever the reason, all I knew was that Chunghee didn't want to accept anything from me and it made me think that he hated me more than how he had said that he loved me so much in the past.

I had no hope and a future that could make me think clearly to fight for myself one more time — they lost in my life — left nothing. So, all I could do was doing what I needed to do these days even without a purpose in life. I thought of this every night before I fell asleep about what am I living for?

Letting out a heavy sigh, I reached out to grab the folder. However, as soon as I touched it, I could feel that the contents had completely destroyed.

I glanced at Hoonsik, but he immediately looked away as if he was afraid to face my anger.

Then, startled, I hurriedly opened the folder and saw how these documents had become crumpled up into small pieces. I turned my eyes back to Hoonsik with a look of panic, anger, surprise, or whatever, even I couldn't predict the feelings I was feeling right now.

Seeing my expression, Hoonsik seemed to know that at this point I was wondering why these documents had turned out this way. So, hesitantly he said something as if giving me the answer I wanted.

"Um, Mr. Kim did it, sir," he said in a low voice, "When Mr. Park said that he didn't want to take any allowance from you, Mr. Kim suddenly tore up these documents. I can't do anything because he did it all of a sudden, so it's not possible to even prevent it."

I couldn't say anything else. While Chunghee decided to refuse, then I couldn't force him no matter how hard I tried or how I persuaded him to come back. And if Daehyun tore this on purpose, what can I do?

Even if I overturned this world to vent my anger, none of them would care about my feelings.

I could only smile weakly, but that didn't depict any joy in my heart but despair. I had lost both my lover and my hope.

You could imagine how a person lived without any hope in his life. It was like walking in the desert alone without a compass. You would lose, then died of thirst.

Losing hope was like losing your soul. You were alive, yet your body was filled with nothing. It was the same as dying.

I didn't expect that now I would really feel this way, feeling what it was like to live in the void like the undead in this world. I didn't know what to do next, everything was pitch-dark everywhere.

I wondered, 'does in that life have the option of death? Or, do we make it ourselves as a point of despair?'