Chapter 142 - Lee Donghwa: The Letters Of The Past

But, again, what can I do?

Wasting words on my tongue until I was mute was useless. There was no miracle that I could hope for like before to turn things into the way I wanted. So, I had to steadfastly give up everything even though it hurt.

Sighing heavily, I still smiled, accepting the harsh reality that seemed to be standing right in front of me while laughing at me, and said, "Hey, look at this poor jerk, his fate is very bad today."

One side inside of me was crying at the taunts and the other continued to burst out laughing. I felt so frustrated but I could no longer express what I felt but smiled as if I had come to terms with all this pain.

"So, Chunghee doesn't want to sign it, huh? Okay then. No problem." I looked at Hoonsik with a smile, then asked lightly, "But, you still have the file, right?"

Yoon Hoonsik stared at me with his mouth slightly open and his eyes widened open. He might be surprised to see my expression that looked calm and even smiled when responding to things that should make me go berserk.

But, what else can I do? I had no reason to be angry or complain. I had no way of scolding Hoonsik or blaming him for an issue that had nothing to do with him at all.

Chunghee and I weren't lovers anymore, so all I could do now was bury the pain deep, deep inside my heart. Gritting my teeth, I painstakingly endured the pain to accept this fact.

Since Hoonsik had not responded yet, I asked him once again, "You still have the files, right?"

Instantly Hoonsik woke up. He blinked a few times before replying haltingly, "Um, that's... yes ..., sir. I still have it."

"Hmm, good."

As I had nothing to say anymore, I asked Hoonsik to leave immediately. So, as Hoonsik was a very obedient person, he immediately left this place without stalling for any longer.

Closing the door, I looked at the brown folder blankly for a while before walking over to the sofa and placing it on the table. I then walked into my workroom, took a pen, then put a cross on a calendar on the desk.

There were only three weeks left before the press conference was held. After the event was over, then I would keep my promise to Chunghee.

This was my chance to prove to him that a bad person like me could also keep his promise to the one he loved. Whether it risked my feelings, myself, my common sense, I didn't care. As long as Chunghee could forgive me, then all that I could do with pleasure.

I accidentally saw a roll of tracing paper. I opened it and saw the architectural design of a European-style house in it. This was the house design I was about to build for Chunghee in Jeju, but all the things I had planned before were razed like a building being torn down.

I didn't feel aggrieved at all because I had bought land and prepared all the developments there. But, I felt disappointed because we couldn't realize what had been a dream for both of us in the past.

Suddenly the disappointment turned into intense anger. I grabbed the paper, then angrily tore it into small pieces as if it was the problem that had ruined our relationship. I wanted to destroy the matter as much as I tore up this paper, but I couldn't.

After being more relaxed, I was going out of the room, then headed to a room near the workroom.

This room was like a warehouse. Inside there was a lot of old stuff that we kept all this time from college to work.

Actually, I wanted to throw these pieces of stuff away for a long time ago, but Chunghee didn't let me because he thought they all had memories that deserved to be remembered. So, as we rarely used this room, we decided to store our old belongings here.

In this room, I was looking for a cardboard box containing all of Chunghee's belongings when we were still in college. I wanted to look back on our love story from that time, where we were stupid, naive, tortuous, but managed to make us last long enough in this relationship.

However, before I found it, I stumbled across a cardboard box containing Chunghee's other stuff. With curiosity, I immediately opened it and found his stuff while he was working.

Observing them one by one, I was immediately stunned. Back then, I had always asked him not to work, but he never wanted to listen to my words. Now I knew why he never wanted to do it where that's because being alone in the silence was going to drive him crazy.

I felt it now. I had never felt as lonely as now. And once I felt it, I never thought that it felt so much more terrible than anything.

Suddenly I remembered a time when I never came home and ignored all his calls, then smiled bitterly. I never thought that Chunghee could last this long ... for me ....

Recalling this memory, I felt like I wanted to cry but I couldn't. It made me suffer a lot out of the pain in my eyes.

Inhaling and exhaling slowly a few times, I tried to calm myself down and started to look at the stuff one by one again.

There were colorful paperclips. I still remembered clearly, this was a gift from me when he turned twenty-three years old. At that time I had nothing, so I could only give him these paperclips. And what made me glad was that he looked very happy when he received this simple gift from me.

I smiled. I had never thought that he still used them when he was working at a huge company. I didn't want to think how his co-workers would laugh at all these old paperclips as I was sure that Chunghee wouldn't mind if people laugh at him. He had the principle: 'As long as he likes something, then he doesn't mind other people's opinions'.

Apart from the paperclips, there were also some unfinished design drawings and some hanging keys which were also a gift from me on New Year's Eve about nine years ago.

I couldn't stop smiling seeing it all. However, the more I smiled, the more the past was torn apart my heart.

After that, I closed the cardboard box again, then started looking for what I was looking for at the start. Until I found it under some other pile of stuff and immediately took it from there.

Sitting on the floor, I began to open this slightly dusty cardboard. And as soon as I saw the objects in it, I immediately froze in surprise.

There was a lot of paper in it and they were all letters I gave him when I was trying to get his heart when we were in college. I didn't think that he received these letters and read them because back then, he always ignored me.

I didn't know how I felt right now. There was a sense of joy and sadness that was so messy in my heart that I didn't know what expression I needed to show.

I opened one of the letters. It was dated August 22, 2002. It had been a long time ago but as Chunghee was such a good person at taking care of his belongings, these letters still look like new.

I immediately read it. And the more I read my own words in this letter, I unconsciously shed tears. I felt my dry eyes now flooded with many tears.

In the past, I really liked writing letters to him. When I started falling in love with him, I always wrote love letters for him, then tucked them in his bag secretly.

At that time, I really hoped he would read all my letters, but never expected that he would keep them. And after seeing these all now, I felt that Chunghee indeed really loved me. But, because of my stupid deeds, I made him hate me this way. He should have dumped me in the first place.

I wiped my tears, then took another letter that was still in the same year but on a different date. I read it silently while still in tears until my eyes became foggy when I remembered how hard I struggled to make him fall in love with me at the time. But in the end, I was also the one who ended the good things between us.

Now, what I had done to him, he probably felt that I was tired of him.

I felt that I was indeed an unforgivable bastard and this was the punishment I deserved.

Back then, I had left my parents because of one person who I thought would be my life partner forever. However, in reality, the person I fought for left me just as I left my parents.

It was like a boomerang that was thrown right into my heart.