Chapter 147 - Lee Donghwa: I Would Bear Everything By Myself

When I woke up, it was morning already. The first thing that came to my mind was Chunghee's words in my dream, they even seemed to be replaying in my head and instantly made me feel worried.

I pondered for a moment, thinking back on the dream I had just had and thinking of all the dreams I had had about him, the dream last night was the most realistic. It was like I just met Chunghee in my subconscious by God so ... I could know what Chunghee couldn't tell me at that time?

If what he said in the dream was the true reason why he made this decision, then that was really stupid.

He should have known that death would be inevitable for anyone. Even if one of us died one day, that's what was called "death do us part", while coming back to me and fixing everything was an option he could choose, but he was even reluctant to choose it.

I took a deep breath, trying to relax. After all, this was just a dream. It was probably because I thought about Chunghee too much, so I had been dreaming about him in different scenarios lately.

Getting out of bed, I sat down for a while, then glanced at the clock hanging on the wall which said it was 6.30 am. After that, I stood up and immediately headed for the bathroom. A few minutes later, I came out of the bathroom.

As soon as I prepared to leave this place, when I opened the door, a girl who looked to be in her teens was standing right in front of the door with breakfast.

As she saw me open the door and was about to leave, he said very kindly, "This inn has free breakfast, sir. So please have breakfast before you leave."

I stared at the girl for a long time, intending to refuse. However, thinking once again that I had not eaten anything since yesterday, while I was going on a long trip later, it wasn't bad to accept this offer. I sighed silently and took the breakfast that the girl brought.

The friendly girl bowed respectfully, then quickly left.

Bringing the breakfast into the room, I could only eat a little. However, recently my appetite had decreased. Even though I was hungry, eating two to three spoonfuls of food was enough to fill me up.

I left the leftovers here, thinking that the girl would come back and get them. And then, I immediately exited the inn. After heating the car engine for a few minutes, I immediately drove the car to continue my trip to Jeju.

Along the way, I was only accompanied by silence. I glanced sideways at the seat beside the driver's seat and saw that my cell. phone was still laying there, but I didn't intend to pick it up but just left it there.

Feeling this trip was too lonely, I turned on the radio to listen to the news. At least, in my solitude in the car, the sound from the radio would keep me awake to focus on the road. I was worried that if I drowned in this silence, I would endanger myself.

I didn't want to die — not because I feared death. After losing the only precious person in my life, I didn't even feel like I care about my life anymore. I didn't care if I died, but not now. I had something to do and they were very important to me.

Although death was something that couldn't be avoided, I could only hope that it didn't come now.

After driving for almost five hours, I arrived at Jeju island. As soon as I entered the town, I deliberately lowered the car window so that the air mixed with the scent of seawater immediately entered the car. It was refreshing and slightly calming my soul which had not felt calm for a long time.

As soon as I arrived at a public cemetery, I stopped the car near the cemetery. I then got out of the car, and as I was about to enter the cemetery, I suddenly froze as if my legs refused to move.

I knew that I was very despicable to visit Chunghee's parent grave here. What's more, I had lost Chunghee, and now I seemed to have come to see her to ... show that I wasn't good enough to take care of her child?

Heh, what will his parent tell me?

If she was alive, maybe he would get hysterical, then slapped me, and kicked me away.

However, this was the reality. At least, his parent knew that currently, Chunghee was on the right side of the person...

Maybe...

Hopefully, Kim is the right person for him...

I can only hope so...

I took several deep breaths to calm myself down. After feeling a little calmer, then I forced both my feet to step into this cemetery. I walked slowly, tracing some of the tombs. I forgot where Chunghee's parent's grave was, so it took me a minute to find them.

Once I was there, I immediately squatted down, touching the gravestone with regret in my heart. I thought that it was me who took Chunghee away, so I must take responsibility and muster up the courage to apologize.

I hoped this would lessen the guilt I had been carrying all this time.

Feeling extremely nervous, I took another deep breath before starting to say something deeply, "I'm sorry."

However, as soon as I said just those two words, my chest felt extremely tight. I took another breath, then struggled to say what I wanted to say.

"I once promised you to take care of Chunghee forever." Paused for a moment, I said, "I'm sorry I couldn't keep it ... I'm sorry."

"I ... I've hurt him all this time. He's hurt because of me. He's disappointed because of me. It's my fault. It's all my fault. I'm sorry ... I really am sorry."

"I never meant that... I never meant to betray him, but... but I was just... stupid. I don't know how to use my brain."

My heart ached and broke at the same time as I said my words. However, not wanting to look like a crybaby, I tried so hard not to cry that my eyelids felt like they were about to tear.

"I've been trying to persuade him to come back to me, but he still sticks to his decision so I can't do anything but let him go as he wishes. But don't worry, he is now with someone else and that person really likes Chunghee. I'm sure he will take care of Chunghee better than me."

"But I promise, I will pay for all my mistakes in my own way. I promise. And I believe that this is the best way for me. I will bear everything by myself in the future without having to involve him again."

After saying all that, I immediately stood up and rushed out of the cemetery to the car.

Paused for a moment in the car, I felt a little more relaxed after saying what I should have said earlier. Even though I knew this wouldn't last long, at least today I could pour out a little of the many problems that had been bothering me before finally driving the car.

It was noon. The weather that was sunny was now cloudy. Feeling tired after driving quite a distance, I decided to stop at a cafe near the sea before heading back to Seoul. After all, the trip to Seoul took a long time, so I thought about gathering my strength for a while.

I sat by the window, looking out at the wide ocean that seemed to have no end while waiting for my cup of coffee to be delivered to the table.

As it was winter, not many people were seen at sea to dive. The city also didn't look that crowded compared to the last time I came here for business.

However, the beauty of this city couldn't lie to the eyes of the beholder. The scenery here was quite beautiful. Even people who weren't as interested in these kinds of things as me could be amazed. I thought, if only I was with Chunghee right now, this atmosphere must be very romantic for both of us. Unfortunately, I was alone here, so no matter how beautiful I looked at it now would still make me feel empty inside.

Shortly after, a waiter came over with a cup of coffee and placed it on the table.

I took a sip of coffee, then took my cell phone out of my pocket. Activating it, many pending messages immediately came in and there were several calls. I just looked at them expressionlessly and didn't open them, then put my cell phone back in my pocket.

After feeling enough to rest, I immediately stood up and walked to the cashier to pay for a drink before continuing my trip back to Seoul.