Chapter 146 - Lee Donghwa: A Place Of Memories (4)

Actually, I was about to continue my trip to Jeju island, but since the distance took about four to five hours, plus it was already getting late, I decided to look for an inn in this town and would leave early if the weather was good tomorrow morning.

After finding a small inn, I immediately rested by laying on the bed. I closed my eyes with my right hand on my head, but I had not slept yet. My head was still spinning, thinking about the various things I had been through lately. So, as soon as another thought popped into my head, I immediately opened my eyes.

Getting up, I sat on the side of the bed, taking off my coat and shoes. I took my phone out of my pocket and scrolled through the menu on the screen, then opened the contact icon and started searching for Chunghee's number, and then trying to call him again even though I knew that it must be the same operator's voice again.

Disappointed, I dropped my hand slowly while smiling as I looked at the screen which was still making calls until finally, I canceled the call. For a long time, Chunghee's number was still unreachable.

I was sure that Chunghee didn't leave his cell phone at home because at that time I looked everywhere and couldn't find it at all. Out of that, I wondered where he threw his cell phone away.

A second later, my thumb tapped on the message and saw the multiple text messages I had sent to Chunghee while he left, which had not gotten a response at all. And the last message I sent, was around January 3, a few days ago.

I thought for a while until I decided to send him some stories today and what I was going to do tomorrow via text:

"Chunghee, today, I visited our university. Not much has changed there. Only, there are several lecture buildings built at that place. The park also hasn't changed much. If it was spring now, the park would be so beautiful as you. I remember, you always read books at the park, right? If only you could see the university with me today, we will be able to laugh together while imagining our past."

"Now, I arrived in Gwangju. I was actually going to see if my parents still live here or not, and apparently, they don't live here anymore. There is a new family occupying the house now. They have been living there for about 6 years, said a kid who lives there. It's been quite a while, hasn't it? You know, if only my parents had agreed to this relationship, I'd love to introduce you to them."

"Also, if the weather isn't bad tomorrow, I'll visit your parent's grave in Jeju. It's been a long time since we've been there, haven't we? So, I thought, I should come there for a pilgrimage. I don't know what to tell her later yet. I'll find out tomorrow."

After typing all the messages, I immediately hit the "send" button.

I knew that those messages wouldn't be sent to Chunghee. But, I just thought that I needed to pour something out today and there was no one more appropriate to receive all my heart's outpourings than him even though we were no longer together.

Even though the messages wouldn't get through, at least by sending them to him, I felt as though I was chatting with him. And now, he was smiling reading the messages.

Then, I put my cell phone on the bedside table by the nightlamp, then laid back down, staring at the ceiling.

It was very quiet here. There were only two people who booked the room besides me earlier. They might be lovers who were on a trip somewhere.

In the silence, I began to imagine what if my relationship wasn't over. Perhaps, Chunghee and I would definitely take a trip somewhere to make our relationship closer and closer. Maybe abroad ....

Chunghee was happy to be in Italy. Because Chunghee liked classic arts, I thought that Italy was a suitable place for him. When I took him there, he looked so excited when we visited many tourist spots. Like when we went to the Museum of the Vatican where it was a museum that had many works of art in it, I still clearly remembered the smile on Chunghee's face. Maybe if I were a painter, I would definitely capture that moment through art too.

However, that was a long time ago — about five years ago. And after that, I was busy and he was busy too so neither of us had time to travel abroad again. It was both the first and the last time for us.

Since long ago, Chunghee had never asked for anything from me. He never asked me to buy him something after I came back to a business trip overseas unless I offered it to him. But even then, he very rarely agreed to it. So, therefore, if I wanted to buy something for Chunghee, then I would buy it without him knowing.

I couldn't stop smiling when I thought of our memories together. Maybe, if I were still with him now, I would really like to take him to Jeju to visit his parent's grave as we did before. I wanted to say in front of his parent's grave, "See? I can take care of Chunghee for ten years and will always take care of him in the future."

In fact, I would never say that. On the other hand, I had let him down and even lost him now.

I had made him fall in love with me in the past and I was the only one who hurt him now.

Very irresponsible.

I smiled ....

I couldn't stop smiling ....

Actually, what I felt now was much more painful than before. Remembering all that, I was like tearing my heart out with a bayonet using my own hand.

I felt like I was sinking into a fire, then burned. If only there was a hell in this world, I wanted to go there to wash away all my sins before I really died.

It was really hard to let Chunghee and the past go, but what could I do? Screaming, begging, getting angry, it was all pointless. So, now I was here; lying alone; thinking of many memories; lamenting many mistakes I had done like fools in silence.

Heh, I'm such a fool ....

Even Chunghee said that ....

As time goes on, I felt sleepy. My eyes slowly closed and I fell asleep without me knowing.

However, a few seconds later, I was in a different place.

On the brink, I stood alone. The sun was blazing and blinding, but it was clear that this place was very strange to me.

I was suddenly surprised. In the corner of my eye was the figure of a familiar man, standing beside me. I didn't dare turn my head even if I knew it was Chunghee. I didn't dare look at him directly, so I could only look down, hiding my face.

The last time we met, he said that he didn't want to see me again, so I didn't want to show him my face as much as I could. I already promised him.

However, in this silence, he suddenly said something that made me feel like shedding tears.

"Life is short, and so is our relationship. If we continue this relationship, it will not be a divorce that will make one of us cry but death. I will die and you will be alone. I don't want to see you sad all the time. I'd rather lose you first in this way than I have to leave you when I don't want to."

"We once had a dream to be together until death do us part, right? But, after death was near for me, I'm not ready. I'm not ready to leave you alone. And you, are you ready to see me die right in front of your eyes? Are you ready to hug me when my body is stiff?"

Pausing for a moment, he suddenly chuckled softly. "I don't think this is a bad situation. If you think my decision is cruel, I better make you think so. If necessary, hate me for this so I don't carry this guilt if I have the chance to make it right in my second life."

"So, what about you? In your second life, will you still look for me? I don't mind waiting for you though. But, you have to promise me that after this you will come to me with a better manner."

I had not dared to turn to look at him yet and only heard what he said carefully. I wanted to say that I would look for him, even if tomorrow he changed his mind and came to me, I would hug him and kiss him gently.

I will always welcome you ....

I will always wait for you ....

Every moment, every time, endlessly ....

However, if he was really going to give me a chance in our second life, then I couldn't wait for that chance.

I felt like I wanted to die today to live in the next life as soon as possible.