Chapter 47 - I Care For You

(From Leandro's Perspective)

Her words hit me like a tornado. Why would she be a burden to me? Anyone could be that, but not her, never her. I had already accepted the fact that I could not do a single moment without her and she was all I needed. I did not need power anymore. I needed her even if that meant I had to give up everything I had. 

Now that I was saying that she did not need to go to the castle to bring information for me so I would let her stay with me in the cave, she did not agree. She still wanted to go to the castle. 

"Why would you be a burden?" I asked. 

"Because_ I would not do anything but stay here. But it's your place. Why would you let me stay here if I don't do anything? I'm not a lifeless thing that I don't need anything; I need food, water, a place to sleep and bathe. You could easily keep a stone here without wanting anything back from it. Firstly because it's lifeless. And secondly, you won't have to give it anything. But I'm not a stone. I'm not lifeless, Leandro. I'm a human and I need things to live," she said, looking directly into my eyes. 

"I'll give you everything that you need," I said. 

"Why would you?"

"Because I care for you. I don't want to lose you now that I've found someone to live for."

But I could not say it. I considered saying it, but at the last moment, I could not. "Because it's a reward for saving my life. Because of your information, I knew that they would come to kill me. It's just a reward."

"It's life, Leandro. Nothing is free. I-I can't. No matter what you say, I can't stay with you without doing anything in exchange," she said. She looked as if she was fighting to keep her voice even. There must be a lot of things going on inside her head. She talked a lot, but most of the time, her talking was enthusiastic and full of herself. But this time, the things she was saying, it felt like she did not want to, but she was forcing herself to spit out the words. 

"Is my work this bad, Leandro?"

"I never said your work is bad," I said. 

"Then why? Please let me do the work."

"You don't have to."

"Then I-I can't stay here, Leandro. I will go somewhere else."

The thought of her leaving made my heart clench painfully. What was she saying? Would she leave just because I did not want her to risk her life?

"Where will you go?"

"I don't know. I'll ask Edrich if I can stay with him. I'll give him the money I would earn," she mumbled. She was not okay with the idea too, it was clear in her eyes. 

"If that's the case, then you will go to the castle and bring me information," I said. 

She looked at me wide-eyed. Her eyes were not cheerful and smiley as usual. Her honey brown eyes reflected clear sadness. 

She suddenly came to me and hugged me tightly. I was taken aback. No matter what I expected, I did not expect this. I hugged her back though part of me wanted to restrain. She was driving me insane and slowly, I was losing myself. It would not be too long for me to lose control if she was near. 

"I'm sorry," she muttered slowly. "You know, I don't want to go there either. I don't want those eyes to look at me hungrily. I was trying to ignore their stares and was trying to tell myself that that's nothing. But it's not nothing. I really don't want to go back to those predators."

"Then don't," I said, rubbing her back. 

"But I need to. I don't want to stay with someone and not do anything. I've been a burden for way too long, Leandro. But not anymore."

"You were not a burden to me."

"Not to you, but my...," she started but stopped. "Never mind. Those stupid times... I need to forget them." 

She pulled back from the hug. She did not meet my eyes. It was like she was afraid of showing me the emotions it would hold. 

"Eat. You'll get late," I said. 

She looked grateful. Perhaps she was thinking why I did not ask her anything else. I did not want to make her feel bad. If to make her stay, I needed to let her go to the castle, I would do so. Because even though I was not going to show it, but without her, I was not sure if I would be able to stay calm a minute. 

She had her breakfast quickly. It looked like she was not eating, but shoving the food right inside her mouth. 

"What if I don't go today? I mean, I can take a day off, right?" she asked suddenly. 

It was unexpected. I wondered why she would suddenly not want to go today. But I was okay with it. 

"You will have to give a valid explanation tomorrow then," I said. 

"If I tell them I was sick, will they believe?"

"It doesn't matter if they will believe or not. It's a valid explanation, true or not, they will have to take it."

"That's good. I just want to hang out with you. What're you going to do the whole day?"

"I've to go out today," I said. 

"Where?" 

"A pub. I need to know something."

"But people will recognize you," she said urgently. 

It always felt a bit good to see her worried about me. As no one had ever shown concern for me, her act always made my heart thump loudly. But she surely did not know that. Her expression was like usual, nothing special. 

"No shifters go in this pub."

"I can go there for you," she said. 

I was surprised. She would take the risk of going there for me. She would go that far to save my identity. The thought amused and frightened me at the same time. It was getting harder for me to think about my life without her. 

"No need," I said. "No one will recognize me. So what's the point of you going there? And besides, I need to talk to someone. I need to see what people are thinking about the whole situation."

"I can do that for you as well. I'll do better than you," she said enthusiastically. Even though she tried to hide the urging in her voice, my mind did not let it go that easily. 

"But I still want to go. I mean, I need to. It's been a long time since I stepped out of here. I need to see how things are going outside," I said, "with my own eyes." 

"Why are you being so stubborn?" 

"See who is asking."

"I'm not stubborn. I just know that I'm right," she said pouting. "You know, I'm always right. You should listen to me."

"What are you right about? Putting your hands in a little gap when it's obvious that the gap isn't big enough? Getting inside a random hole just to see what's inside? Hearing a sound from the basement of a so-called haunted house and going down there alone to investigate it? Touching a monster's fur just to see if it's soft? Making a deal with a stranger who can turn into a monster at any moment and kill you in an instant? Going to work in a castle full of Orgades who can kill you at any moment and do bad things to you even though you are given a choice of not going there? Going down to the dungeon of the castle to save a girl whose cries you heard even though you were going to die if you got caught? And you even tried to take her out through the hidden passageway even though you knew how much risk that is. And it has been only a few days since you are here. I'm sure you've done more things like this in your world."

She laughed. "Whoa! It's the first time you talked this much. The credit is mine though," she said. "Well, but I have reasons for everything I've done. Like I learned a lesson by putting my hands in that gap that I shouldn't do it again."

"It's not a valid reason. You just made it up."

"No, it's not that. Well, it is. Anyway, I have reasons for other things. It's just the one that I did out of stupidity." 

"What am I going to do with you, little Ella?"