Chapter 165: Meeting the goddess in despair

Lin's eyes dim, watching Kyrie finding his mother dead. His entire body hurts watching the sight of the room light up and dim from the days passing. Remembering the resentment on Kyrie's face starts to make sense. 

Lin rubs his tear-stained face with his palms, running his fingers into his hair, grabbing a fist full, pulling it, tearing it. His throat holds a scream coming from his twisting guts but is completely stuck. His lungs work harder to function properly, making him breathless. His body burns like his soul is set on fire. 

Yet, he finds all these are not painful enough. Someone has to make him suffer… Someone has to make him pay! How could he make his family pass through that?

Lin falls to his knees as cries begin to come out into screams and begging for someone to punish him. Then, as if someone turns off the lights, his enclosing becomes a void. His eyes try to search for the images that could at least give him pain, but all is darkness.

"Damn it! Damn it! I-... I-"

He tries to stop his tears. How dare he find relief! He puts his palms on his eyes as he weeps and endlessly apologizes to his wife and son. Until all his energy is zapped away, he mourns until he feels numb. He sits on his heels as he lifts his head to the sky, feeling the weight of the world on his conscience and mind. His palms still press on his eyes.

When he removes them and falls back to land on the ground, he sees red through his eyelids. He opens them and starts tearing again. 

'I don't deserve this…'

He watches the sun hanging in the center of the sky with clouds encircling the bright star. The sky is unbelievably blue with rings of clouds, rippling like ocean waves. Around him stands towers of sunflowers, greeting the sunny day with their heads held high. 

Tranquility sets in despite Lin being unsure if his emotions are just numb. He watches the sun in the shadows of the sunflower towers, safe from the intensity of the sunlight hitting his eyes. He smells the wetness of the earth beneath him. The breeze greets them by swaying the towers gently. 

Tears silently flow down. Lin has calmed down, and his mind can think. 

'Does he deserve this?'

He blinks, and the scenery changes. The sun is no longer up in the sky, but instead, it is just a cloudless one. He lifts his body to look at the water beneath him, and he sees the white walls and water portals below. Finding the sight familiar, he looks at the waters spreading endlessly like the ocean. His eyes soon land on his son and Ian. They are standing on the water like they have been waiting for Lin.

He breaks the eye contact, feeling shame and guilt sprouting inside his numbed body. Yet, he knows it is not the right time to grief. At least, his son needs to know what truly happened. Kyrie needs to know why Lin went to Earth.

Shallowing hard, Lin lets his emotions stay on top of his chest a little longer. It is not like he can escape from the fire that will keep burning his soul until his last breath.

Watching Lin walk closer, Ian turns his gaze to Kyrie, looking emotionally exhausted. Although Kyrie has so much resentment, he has forgiven without even being conscious about it happening. His heart softens once seeing his father's grief. Kyrie dips his head to take his eyes off the kneeling figure.

Kyrie ends up letting go, even though he personally would never want to let his father pass a single day in peace. Kyrie feels frustrated, like he is not delivering the vengeance his soul has been plotting secretly. But, for some reason, from some twisted logic, forgiving Lin means forgiving himself.

[Will mom blame me for feeling this way?]

Maybe only meeting her will Kyrie know. Perhaps then, he will know what to say to his mother when he meets her again. 

"Kyrie…" Lin takes all the courage to pronounce the name he picked with his wife. There is too much to apologize for. Will the word 'sorry' undo the suffering? No, it doesn't do anything. It doesn't carry the same weight, at least not in Lin's point of view.

Lin watches Kyrie's exhaustion, but a bit of comfort enters his heart, seeing that Kyrie has not lost the luster of life from his eyes. 

"I have a story to tell you… about everything… about why I am here in this world... about why you are in this world... about my agreement with Vita…"

Although Kyrie has grasped to a certain extent that his father is slightly involved, he is still shaken by it when Lin confirms his thoughts. The evidence of Lin being on Earth and in this world has plenty of weight on the theory that gods are involved, but he has not had the time to process those points through. 

Lin looks up at the sky as if the events that started everything are underneath a clear sky. His sight reaches somewhere far in the past.

A few decades ago, in the elven city where the Guild of Clytia has yet to be founded, a mysterious and contagious disease had broken out. It sounds like the typical tragic story of a secluded village, hidden in the depths of mountains and forests. However, as someone who experienced the eroding effect of the disease, Lin has felt it different than just some outsider reading it in the news. Sometimes, people would skip, thinking that it is just another unfortunate one - 'well, good thing it is nowhere near them...' 

Lin's father soon also succumbs to the same fate. Left with many lives on his hands, Lin starts to look for help outside of the village. However, others see those mass casualties as divine punishment. They do not think that the deities are cruel enough unless his town has done something to upset the heavens. Lin watches his fruitless labor, wasting time when he could have spent with those failing to heal. He goes into depression, waiting for death to knock on his door despite having yet any symptoms. 

One night, Lin has a dream. Inside, the massive blue sky and the deep ocean stretch to infinity. He launches into his knees as soon as he sees Vita in her flaming and domineering hanfu. Her hair is tied up in a long ponytail with a simple gold hair ornament. Despite carrying a smile, the emotions do not translate to her tired and enraged eyes. She sits on an invisible throne, making her seem like she is floating on air. 

"Mortal," Her voice makes Lin tremble to the core, "Do you wish to save your kin?"

Lin lifts his head, looking shocked at Vita. He quickly diverts his gaze once their eyes meet. 

"Yes."

His answer is obvious. It is the miracle that he has wished to happen. However, instead of the kind goddesses that he has seen in sculptures or paintings, the one in front of him has no resemblance to those figures that embodied mercy. Vita's gaze is empty as if she has lost every bit of what a gentle goddess should be. 

Lin would not be surprised if the deity granting him her presence is a fallen god. 

"We can make a deal. I can save your kin, and you do me a favor," Vita murmurs and walks closer to Lin. Her garments slide across the water, creating ripples, and she stops close in front of Lin that he can see the embroidery of her hanfu. 

Lin has not received any comment about rising to his feet, so he stays kneeled with his head facing the ground. 

"What does the goddess wish me to do?"

Lin feels his palms sliding forward from the sweat, and his breath fastens.

"I will send you to another world, and you will have your first child there."