83 He realized with clarity

They remained there at the willow tree.

Liu Sumeng had gone to work and dug a grave for the scattered corpses across the forest floor. Huo Tang was chirping and fuming about their putrid scent and how they were polluting her dear home with fogs of resentment.

And so the Ivory Sword Saint labored. The sun crept over the horizon and they had yet to find a chance to rest. By the weeping willow, Yuan Xuelan knelt by the array and inspected the intricacies of the spell left behind. He promised results, claiming that he could pinpoint their foe's destination after some prodding.

Liu Sumeng wasn't opposed. After all, he was certain that they could track down Zhao Fanyu's location as well. That was something he was certain of.

But Liu Sumeng had long finished putting the corpses to rest before Yuan Xuelan was able to procure results. Fatigue was weighing him down, even if he didn't want to admit it.

Still, the Ivory Sword Saint was reluctant to show his weakness. He leaned his back against a tree and crossed his arms, willing fatigue away with his mind. Well, he could just meditate like that, no? The thought crossed his mind.

And then it was gone.

...

It took Yuan Xuelan a while to get things figured out. And his knees and palms became dirty after all that crawling. With all those demon techniques interwoven, it did make deciphering the spell a little more difficult but Yuan Xuelan wasn't a genius for nothing.

After he was certain of his findings, he picked himself up from the ground and stretched. Afternoon heat was rampant in the forest and made the air wet with moisture. It made him sweat and his clothes stuck close to his body. Yuan Xuelan was itching for a bath. He blinked, allowing reality to snap back into his mind, chasing away the intense focus he had earlier on the array.

He looked around. Even the grass had been cleaned of red splatters. Liu Sumeng was cute with how thorough he'd been with the cleanup. Speaking of which, where was the Ivory Sword Saint anyway?

He spotted a familiar set of white boots poking out from behind the trunk of a tree. He blinked.

Cautiously, he approached and peered around the width of the tree, confirming his suspicions. Liu Sumeng's dark lashes were shut, his face relaxed and breath deep.

Yuan Xuelan froze, fearing that the subtlest of movements might disturb the Ivory Sword Saint from his sleep. But temptation was too great to ignore. He knelt before the sleeping Liu Sumeng and counted the lashes on his eyes.

Ah. As always, Liu Sumeng was so beautiful. Like an ethereal Immortal Hero plucked from the scriptures of cheap poetry written to entice lonely wives. His skin was pale and flawless and hair as soft as silk. His nose bridge was high and gave him a striking profile.

Yuan Xuelan chuckled to himself and sighed. His heart was brimming with emotions that pulled his smile into a frown. Just how many injustices was he, Yuan Xuelan, going to commit in this one pathetic lifetime against Liu Sumeng?

He chewed his lips, arms coming around his knees for comfort. Yuan Xuelan's chest was wrought with turmoil. A vivid self-hatred blossomed, impossible to ignore.

And this bastard…this Ivory Sword Saint had the galls to tell him to forgive himself?

Yuan Xuelan didn't know if he should feel charmed or bitter.

"Do you like me that much?" He spat in a whispered tone. Only for the words to feel ridiculous on his own lips. That disgusting feeling was welling up inside him again. The red-hot betrayal and the aftermath of his own damn folly.

He was seeing red. A violent rage threatened to overtake his mind but when his vision focused, there was still the peaceful Ivory Sword Saint sleeping in front of him.

The chaotic stormed soothed out into cloudy bitterness, pushed back to a different part of his mind. The self-hatred however, was still blindingly acute.

Could he really chance to believe that Liu Sumeng still liked him? After all that he had done? Hah! What a joke!

Yuan Xuelan sank his face between his knees, muffling a groan of despair.

And even if Liu Sumeng did like him…it wasn't as if Yuan Xuelan deserved him in the first damned place! His nails curled so deeply into his arms they threatened to draw blood.

Not after he…he was responsible for so many terrible things. And he could make Peng Jipei pay. Heck, he would even cleave that pesky demon in two and offer his severed body parts for Liu Sumeng's smile. But what of himself? What could Xuelan trade for his injustices?

Forgiving himself was not it.

But selfishness was a trait that he couldn't escape. Slowly he peeked over his own knee caps to look at Liu Sumeng. He once thought that he wouldn't mind watching Liu Sumeng practice the sword for an eternity. But the truth was, Yuan Xuelan realized with clarity, he wouldn't mind watching Liu Sumeng forever, no matter what the Ivory Sword Saint was doing.

Even like this, peaceful and fast asleep, he didn't mind watching him for an eternity.

Unable to resist any longer, he reached out and tucked a loose strand of hair behind Liu Sumeng's ear. Soft, Yuan Xuelan noted as he brushed a thumb over those tantalizing lips.

Just then, lashes slowly flickered open. Bleary eyes squinted and Yuan Xuelan was quick to retract his hand before the Ivory Sword Saint's vision could focus. He felt a little brazen and said with a sneer, "Morning to you, sleeping beauty." Though he was chiding himself for being enthralled by the Ivory Sword Saint's allure, Liu Sumeng himself would not know this.

He had expected Liu Sumeng to frown at him, not to smile.

"Hello, Xuelan." His voice was just a little hoarse from sleep.

Just like that, Yuan Xuelan's breath was stolen and his mind went blank. Like an idiot he said, "You had a stupid look on your face while you were asleep." Only to instantly chide himself and try again, "…Are you well rested? How are you feeling?"

Liu Sumeng's robes had already been changed to a spare set he had within his interspatial ring and Yuan Xuelan knew he had at least one healing pill. But that didn't stop him from worrying, especially since this was the Ivory Sword Saint of all people! This guy had zero sense of self preservation. This too, was something that made Yuan Xuelan angry.

A lot of things made him angry. But as long as Liu Sumeng was in front of him, he would put on a smile. As long as this person was in front of him, he wanted to act sweetly and not mess up for once.

If Liu Sumeng had taken offense, he made no show of it and only nodded calmly before rising to his feet, "I'm fine. Did you succeed?"

Yuan Xuelan was almost reluctant to get up but he eventually stood up as well, "Yeah! I have a good idea of where they're off to."

Liu Sumeng nodded, "Okay, let's go."

"Hmm." Well, Yuan Xuelan really needed to start being kinder to Liu Sumeng… But. He was also going to trick him.

'Sorry Sumeng! But this is for your own good…' Yuan Xuelan kept his smile, praying that it wasn't too tense and led the Ivory Sword Saint down the mountain trail. His steps were slow and leisurely and if he just ignored Huo Tang's presence, flying after them through the branches, he could pretend there was only he and Liu Sumeng.

Late in the afternoon, they arrived back at the little village on the forest's edge. But it was only when they entered the inn did the Ivory Sword Saint stop him, "…Xuelan." His tone was grave, brows furrowed.

"What's wrong?" Yuan Xuelan's smile was deadly. He was already walking up to the counter before Liu Sumeng could answer.

"We shouldn't. We need to-"

"Kill those bastards. I know," Yuan Xuelan leaned over the counter to catch the attention of the little, round innkeeper and order two rooms. "But we also need to rest before then. Otherwise we'll just die of exhaustion before we get there, no?"

"..." Liu Sumeng's expression was one of protest but he didn't say anything else. Ah, Yuan Xuelan thought this person was infinitely adorable. He was so caught up with staring at the Ivory Sword Saint that he hadn't noticed the innkeeper calling for his attention.

"Erm, Young Master? Sorry, Young Master…uh…"

Eventually, Yuan Xuelan finally turned back around to address the flustered little man, "Sorry. What did you say?"

"Young Master…" the innkeeper sighed, "I'm afraid all our single rooms are full. Though…we do happen to have a single room with two beds, would that be okay with Young Master?"

More than okay! But Yuan Xuelan masked his excitement and simply nodded, "That's fine as well."

"Oh one more thing…A young lady passed by here just a day ago. She told me to hand this off to the two Young Masters that would surely come by. Those were her words." Yuan Xuelan raised a brow and then collected a letter from the little man. No doubt, this was from Nan Chang. He shook his head at her antics.

Well, at least now he didn't have to worry about her hanging off Liu Sumeng's arm. Nan Chang wasn't a bad person, but even Yuan Xuelan had to admit there were times her personality was more than a bit…much.

When he beckoned the Ivory Sword Saint to follow him to their room, he couldn't help but notice the frown was even deeper set and he was glaring at the letter in Yuan Xuelan's hands. Ah well, it was no surprise that Liu Sumeng wouldn't like Nan Chang. Yuan Xuelan was however, surprised at the odd feeling of relief in his heart.

"Let's go. Don't think I'll let you escape the hot springs this time."

"..." Liu Sumeng said nothing but still followed after him. Privately, Yuan Xuelan couldn't help but wonder if the Ivory Sword Saint was sulking.

Their room wasn't so different from the ones they had in the same inn before, with rich tapestries and delicate lanterns. The main difference had been the additional bed that was placed adjacent to the one at the end of the room. Two sets of white bathrobes placed upon the beds.

Daylight was still bright so there was no need for the lanterns to shed their warm golden glow. Yuan Xuelan was eager to read the letter first and foremost, he was curious to what Nan Chang left for him and wanted to believe that she'd behave and return to Reling.

He had a keen feeling that it wasn't the case.

But when he sat down at the desk in the room, he was distracted by Liu Sumeng. The Ivory Sword Saint walked to his bed, paused, but then continued to pace around the room. He went around twice before heading to the door. Yuan Xuelan didn't miss the way his hand was gripping the sword's sheath where it met the hilt.

"Where are you going?"

The Ivory Sword Saint stopped before he could fully slide open the door. His visage betrayed none of the unrest he was feeling, "…the courtyard."

Yuan Xuelan guessed as much. "Don't go," he dared to say, "Stay with me instead." And he was really growing bold, wasn't he? "…Please?"

Liu Sumeng had a look of hesitance. And it was enough to strike a nerve inside Xuelan's gut. He rose from his seat and jogged over in a rush. Without thinking he took Liu Sumeng's hands into his, "Please, Sumeng? You can stay here and meditate." And he sounded desperate.

There was something in the Ivory Sword Saint's eyes that told Xuelan he wasn't entirely convinced. "I know you're impatient. Trust me I-"

An ugly thing bubbled in his heart, "I'm impatient too. I promise you I'll offer Peng Jipei's head to you, okay?"

The rage that came with the reminder of his cousin's crimes was mind-numbing but when he looked up, he saw Liu Sumeng's brows just slightly knit, concerned. The flame in his chest quelled, "B-but. You should… We should rest first."

Sumeng sighed. Xuelan watched how his muscles unwound, by just the slightest. Those dark eyes peered at him behind a veil of lashes. "I don't need Peng Jipei's head."

Yuan Xuelan didn't know what else to say. It felt only right. What else was there to appease this vast hollow guilt? How else would be right the wrongs? "But…" His gaze turned down, brows furrowed as a knot of emotions and thoughts snaked and rolled in his guts.

The hands Yuan Xuelan held in his squeezed back. "Hm. I'll stay."

And just like that, Yuan Xuelan had won. Liu Sumeng abandoned his plans to practice his sword and instead strode back to his bed. He sat down and his eyes sank closed, muscles relaxed as he slowly entered a state of mediation.

Yuan Xuelan let go of a breath he didn't know he was holding.