84 Heart in chaos

Liu Sumeng's heart was a mess. And so was his mind. He was trying hard to focus on meditating but his relaxed appearance was a mere facade.

Was he concerned about Peng Jipei and the havoc he managed to wreak in a second lifetime? Well yes.

Was he worried about the Demon King and the tiangou's presence at the Hidden Mist? Most definitely.

Was he troubled by Zhao Fanyu's still missing status? That was a given.

But none of those reasons made up even half of his distress.

He was much more worried about Xuelan…

After a lifetime at this man's side, Liu Sumeng was familiar with the tells. Many people had howled in complaint over Emperor Taixu's dramatic mood swings. Liu Sumeng was not one of those people.

He'd learn to recognize it now, whether it was the nail biting impatience that had Xuelan rage on impulse or worse the veil of calm and smiles that hearkened a violent outburst of madness.

Liu Sumeng wanted to say that the current situation landed in the second category. He remembered the way Xuelan smiled at him in the glade, where his eyes were a little distant like his mind was somewhere else.

Xuelan had smiled at him the same way before bringing him on a demon-murdering spree. The emperor also smiled in the same way before punishing him. And before he executed people in a mad folly.

But some things were not adding up.

Emperor Taixu was not one who knew compassion the throes of revenge-driven hatred and when he did they were like an afterthought that peeked through the muddle of insanity.

And yet…

Here they were at the inn, Xuelan insisting on rest. This was not at all something the Xuelan from his previous life would do!

Liu Sumeng was confused. And when he thought that maybe, just maybe, without Chen Anyue's death being the consequence of Peng Jipei's folly that he did not harbour as much anger or hatred towards his cousin.

That assumption was discarded when madness returned in Xuelan's visage and spoke of offering him Peng Jipei's head.

Liu Sumeng shuddered. Decapitation was what Xuelan favored when rage took over all shreds of reason.

But this Xuelan calmed a lot easier than the tyrannical emperor.

Perhaps Liu Sumeng should calm as well.

…

Under the guise of meditation, Liu Sumeng listened to the conversation between Yuan Xuelan and their little phoenix friend.

"So that girl rides north? She is bold of heart, I like that about her! If only she did not cower so easily at danger then this divine one can surely mold her into a fine specimen."

"Stop reading already."

"It looks like she's fond of your growth, rude-boy. Hmph. Well I must say, you're a lot less unsightly compared to when my delicate eyes first fell upon that roguish mug of yours."

"..."

"What, nothing to say? A pity. I can tell that your spirit is in chaos. You cannot hide that from this divine one-"

Liu Sumeng opened his eyes and before she had the chance to react, he leaped over and snatched the little phoenix in his palms.

"Insolence! Who dares!" She fumed at him so vehemently that he could his sharp burning pain on his palms. It didn't stop him from attempting to calm her down with head pets.

"No bullying," he scolded her with a low tone. It was obvious from Yuan Xuelan's quiet responses that he was not in the right place of mind. And Liu Sumeng feared that her nagging would throw him into a raging fit.

Yuan Xuelan blinked up at him, as though snapping out of a stupor.

He had been in one, hadn't he? His mind floated and drifted to placed without permission

As soon as Liu Sumeng had sat down and began to meditate, he was trying hard to focus on the words Nan Chang left for him. But the characters seemed nothing more than gibberish. A hideous thing crawled through his gut and up his throat.

When Huo Tang nagged him with knowing words, he thought he was seeing red.

The impatience, the anger, the betrayal.

Every emotion that paused to a simmer threatened to boil over when Liu Sumeng wasn't looking.

Yuan Xuelan didn't even notice.

He didn't even notice the way he tapped his fingernail against the desk. Didn't notice the way he glared into the letter until after the tension in his face eased.

Liu Sumeng told him to forgive himself, but the truth was, Xuelan didn't have it in him to forgive anyone. Not himself, not Peng Jipei. Both he and his cousin deserved nothing kind in this world, he thought bitterly, nothing--

"Xuelan."

He blinked again, his mood swayed. Xuelan's lips were pulled into a thin line. Sumeng, unlike him, deserved everything. He forced his internal storm to simmer down. He forced out a smile, "Sumeng. Are you done already?"

Liu Sumeng's expression was strange. He nodded and didn't say anything else.

The little bird in his hands however was still being noisy, "Bully!? Why, this divine one was merely showing that rude-boy the depth of the ugliness lying in his heart--"

"Huo Tang."

"W-what!? Do you dare to scold this divine one?"

"Hm, yes."

"..."

"..."

"...Y-You! This Ivory Sword Saint dares betray me! And you even promised to raise-" a cough, "I mean treat me kindly and spoil me and-"

Liu Sumeng sighed and decided it was time to deploy his secret weapon against the yappy little bird. Instead of head pets he used a finger to scratch under her beak, until her complaints came out in slurs as she craned her neck as far back as she could to get the most of it.

"To think that you have it…in you…to be…so insolent…a-as wellllll mmmmmm yes good, a little higher hm."

And soon there were sounds of little snores. Liu Sumeng put the little phoenix down on a fluffy pillow and Yuan Xuelan couldn't help but glare.

"Don't you think it's about time to rid yourself of that awful thing?" If anyone were to ask him, Yuan Xuelan would never admit to being jealous of a bite-sized divine chicken. It didn't help that he was already annoyed with the creature.

Liu Sumeng shook his head and sighed, "No. Don't bully Huo Tang. And she will not bully you."

Now he was really getting annoyed! Yuan Xuelan crossed his arms. He snarled but when he saw that the Ivory Sword Saint was only watching him and waiting patiently for him to say his part, Yuan Xuelan felt immediately gutted. Whatever words he had died in his throat.

Like an idiot he said instead, "Okay."

And Liu Sumeng smiled. His lips just subtly curled upwards and all the edges in his face soften. Especially his eyes. Yuan Xuelan could drown in those eyes.

Okay, Yuan Xuelan decided this smile was worth tossing all his pride out the window. He should really try harder to win this smile.

The Ivory Sword Saint sauntered over and took a peek at the letter still opened on the desk, "Are you done?"

Yuan Xuelan hummed, leaning just slightly back on the chair to feel Liu Sumeng's presence around him better. Just the slight warmth radiating off behind him was enough to soothe the ails of his body and mind.

"Xuelan?"

"Hm," Xuelan stared at the letter in front of him but he was more preoccupied with how Liu Sumeng's hand found a perch on his shoulder. "Nan-jie…she went to Xinlie to find the others, I suppose."

Now that Liu Sumeng was awake, the nagging throbbing headache eased as well and the words were making a lot more sense. He was skimming the letter pretending like he had already read it, "She's kind of a brat and does a lot of stupid things. I know…you don't like her but I promise she isn't bad. She's a nice girl, maybe a bit wild but she's funny, don't you think?"

When he looked up he saw Liu Sumeng's stoic countenance gaze down on him. But he didn't miss the way that hand on his shoulder tensed, "…She's okay." He eventually said before pulling away.

Instantly, he lamented the loss of warmth, "Sumeng?" Did he say something to make him upset? But Yuan Xuelan had only talked about Nan Chang, "Do you really not like her? It's okay you can tell me the truth. If you really want I can tell her to be less annoying."

He watched Liu Sumeng walk to the window and gaze outside, eyes turned skyward. The Ivory Sword Saint's lips were a little taunt. Yuan Xuelan had learned to pick out small details as such. He's had a lot of practice after all, in those dreams of his. "That woman…is not good for you," the Ivory Sword Saint sighed.

Conflict brewed in Yuan Xuelan's heart. A part of him desperately wanted nothing more than to please Liu Sumeng. It was the only way he could repay him even the slightest fraction of what was owed.

But on the other hand, Nan Chang, no matter how annoying, was still a good friend of his.

Nan Chang wasn't Peng Jipei and she wasn't evil. Yuan Xuelan knew better now to react with anger. So he tried as he could to quell the awful feeling inside of him and get his feelings across, "I know. I know, she's troublesome but... please listen to me, Sumeng. She has her cute traits as well. Did you know she loves treasures and magical tools almost as much as I do? She's the only one that even bothers to listen to me ramble about that sort of thing. And she might not look it but she's a strong woman at heart who's lived through many hardships, she's really not a bad person--"

"I understand," Liu Sumeng sighed again, exasperated. When he turned back towards Yuan Xuelan it was impossible to ignore how his brows were subtly furrowed, the tips of his lips pulled down in disapproval.

"If you understand then why…" Yuan Xuelan asked, unable to hide the desperation in his voice.

But what came out of the Ivory Sword Saint's mouth was completely uncalled for. "What about Anyue?"

Yuan Xuelan stared, stunned. He didn't know either. What about his Shijie!?

He didn't even have the time to collect his composure from the shock before a knock came at the door.