119 Can I...?

Liu Sumeng took a seat on an old splintered stool he found opposite of the overgrown garden and basked in the heat of the sun.

Just like this, he could enter meditation. But instead, his mind lingered on old memories, new thoughts.

Years ago, Emperor Taixu stood in the vast lotus garden and watched cranes dip their necks down into the pond. It was summer but he remembered it being cold. The emperor had his back to him and Liu Sumeng did not summon the strength to sit up from the bench inside the quaint pavilion.

Emperor Taixu called him many things, from Sumeng to General Liu, to silly and stupid. When he was angry he'd even call him Consort, or worse, wife. But if there was one name that Liu Sumeng hated being called the most. It was, "Liu Chao."

Liu Sumeng jolted upright, fixing the robes that had gone askew. His response was brisk, "What?"

More than anything, he did not like to be called Liu Chao by this man for reasons that even he could not articulate. And yet it was Emperor Taixu's favorite name to use, even if he didn't use it often. Liu Sumeng wondered what it was that inspired him this time.

When the emperor turned ever so slightly, his profile was cast into shadow by strong sunlight but was still a sharp glint in his eye. "I hate you."

What could have brought on this confession, Liu Sumeng could not guess. But he supposed it only made sense. "I know."

And he didn't say more.

They didn't have any more to say to each other. In those days, aside from official business, they did not speak to each other much at all.

At the time, Liu Sumeng had believed that he understood this Emperor Taixu better than anyone else in the world. Perhaps that still held true, but perhaps he had overestimated his understanding of Xuelan after all.

…

"Sumeng!" Yuan Xuelan's boyish voice pulled him out of his thoughts. Liu Sumeng's lashes slowly fluttered open to see the overgrown cucumber vines that coiled around twigs. There were birds pecking at his feet, singing their morning song. He could fall asleep at any moment, pretending like the rest of the world was just as calm.

"Sumeng, breakfast is done." Yuan Xuelan ran up to him, his face red and dewy from kitchen work. His hair was a mess as well, with strands sticking up like a crow's nest. "Oh, should I bring it outside? The weather is nice isn't it?" His big chestnut eyes were wide and dazzling, youthful and innocent.

Just the other night they danced with crazed bloodlust. Liu Sumeng had not forgotten that, nor had he forgotten about the life where they both lived and died.

"Come here," he motioned Yuan Xuelan closer.

The younger tilted his head, confused, but did not ask any questions as he approached.

Liu Sumeng reached into his garments and pulled out a handkerchief to dab it around the teen's face, wiping it clean of condensed water and sweat.

"You…you still have it," Yuan Xuelan's voice was shy, his face refusing to relent any of its color as he looked at the dumb fat cat embroidered on the piece of cloth. It felt so long ago when he had gifted the Ivory Sword Saint such a thing as an apology for his rudeness at Zu Village. Yuan Xuelan felt stupid for not giving Sumeng even more gifts.

Why wouldn't he still have it? He kept all the things that Yuan Xuelan gave him as long as it was something that could be kept and preserved. Even in his previous life, he did not toss Xianlong away despite it being a terrible and awful thing to keep.

"Of course," Liu Sumeng hummed and reached over to fix Xuelan's dark locks, patting them down so the strands didn't flick up so wildly. After a few attempts, he realized that his efforts were futile. But this wasn't a bad look on Xuelan, like the storm that was within him both chaotic and innocent. Terrible but adorable.

"Oh," Yuan Xuelan smiled that bright and wonderful smile, "I'm glad. Uh, so I'll go and bring the food out so please just wait here."

Before Liu Sumeng had the chance to say anything else he watched the foolish youngster jog back toward the kitchen.

The illusion of a stilled, pleasant reality only deepened. Liu Sumeng felt like he could lose touch with reality like this, free himself of any worldly issues.

He sighed, waiting for Yuan Xuelan to return with a lunchbox, tray, and even cushions to sit on. From the wooden box, two bowls of yam porridge were extracted. There were some tea-boiled eggs as well and steamed broccoli and chicken breast. There were radish and carrots, a bowl of peanuts, and even eggplants.

There was actually such a wide variety of food. Liu Sumeng couldn't help but wonder how Yuan Xuelan got all the ingredients or even had time to cook all of this.

Though he did not ask, Xuelan was quick to answer his question as he set the food down on the tray and places cushions on the ground so they may sit in the narrow little yard, "I figured that the owners of these homes and gardens won't be able to make much use of the food they left behind so I just kind of helped myself. I hope Sumeng will forgive my transgressions…"

"Hm," Liu Sumeng was more amused by Yuan Xuelan's cooking skill than he was concerned about taking from the gardens of those long gone. "Where did you learn?"

"Where did I learn?' Yuan Xuelan repeated in confusion.

"How to cook."

"Oh," Yuan Xuelan sat, waiting patiently for Liu Sumeng to start first. Though he knew it wasn't proper to speak while eating since it was only the two of them it didn't have to matter right?

"When I was a kid I once found work in a kitchen. I'm not sure if you know but my mom's a rogue cultivator that kind of just travels around and throws her money left and right without much thought. Since I got worried about our expenses I used to take random jobs here and there. It wasn't much but it got us by."

"I see," Liu Sumeng picked up the bowl of congee and tried the tender sweet potato bits mixed in. The flavoring of all the dishes was on the lighter side, just how Liu Sumeng preferred.

Was he being wooed?

"I guess it's not very interesting," Yuan Xuelan commented offhandedly as he picked up his own pair of chopsticks and followed Sumeng's lead.

"It's interesting." It was certainly interesting. Not even in his previous life did he know this detail about Yuan Xuelan's past. Even now, he could only lament being a fool who hadn't bothered learning anything about him until it was all too late. "You can speak about anything you like. It's interesting to me."

Yuan Xuelan poked one of the tea-boiled eggs and nibbled at it to not seem too unsightly. "What about Sumeng? What was your childhood like?"

"Hm," Liu Sumeng put down his chopsticks to think about this question. He was tempted to return the same sentence of 'it's not very interesting' but it didn't feel particularly fair.

But his long silence made Yuan Xuelan a little flustered, "Oh, you don't have to tell me. If you don't want to."

He shook his head. It wasn't that he didn't want to talk about it, only that he wasn't sure what to even talk about, "My parents died when I was young."

"Oh," Yuan Xuelan answered stiffly.

"I don't have much memory of them," Liu Sumeng admitted, "Suye remembers them better. I was raised by my uncle…" He stuttered, feeling awfully embarrassed. He really didn't know what to say and couldn't help but feel that his life before Yuan Xuelan was awfully boring.

"...May I ask something?"

"Yes."

"About your art name…Uh, where did it come from?"

"..." Liu Sumeng sighed, "It is a popular story, I'm sure you've heard it. I don't need to repeat it, do I?"

Yuan Xuelan fumbled a little, a cute rosy color on his face and Liu Sumeng couldn't even remain annoyed. "I know. About the goddess that came down from the Heavens to watch your swordsmanship. I also know that you say it's an exaggerated tale. I'm just curious what the true story behind that is."

"It is not interesting."

"Everything about Sumeng is interesting."

"..." This kid, did he have no shame? But Liu Sumeng did not hate it, even it was just shameless flirting. "The goddess was only passing by."

Yuan Xuelan almost choked on his food, "Wait, what? The part about the goddess is true?"

"No, it's an exaggeration. She came across me by chance."

"Then, the part about offering a place at her side in the Heavens!?"

"I was uninterested. It did not seem proper."

"What!? What do you mean, not proper?"

"If immortality is undeserved, I don't need it. If I can cultivate to that point one day then so be it. If I don't, then I would rather not."

"...I, wow. Sumeng is really amazing," Yuan Xuelan sighed with genuine awe.

Liu Sumeng shook his head again, "No. It is not so special. I told my Shizun not to tell anyone but the next thing I knew, he had told everyone. And their moms. And their dogs as well."

The Ivory Sword Saint who was normally sparse with words unleashed a barrage of complaints. This as well piqued Xuelan's interest. He wanted to know everything there was to know about Liu Sumeng.

"Your Shizun is the Guanghai Elder, right? I haven't seen him around lately."

Narrow eyes narrowed further, "Yes. No one knows where he is. No one ever knows where he is." But let out a sigh as his gaze happened upon the food that Xuelan had cooked so carefully for him. "Let's not talk about him."

"Okay, I won't." Yuan Xuelan hummed and continued to eat.

Though there was a lot of food, they managed to finish all of it. Even the chicken breast that Xuelan ate most of himself. "Did you like it?"

"Yes."

"Okay," And he was beaming with a glowing halo of happiness. Liu Sumeng allowed himself to bask in the mundane feeling of sweet domesticity as they gathered the dishes and brought them inside to be washed. Perhaps these dishes will never be used again. Perhaps there will be years yet till another person went by the well to fetch water.

But they did not think about that and only quietly cleaned everything until it was neat and tidy.

And when everything was neat and tidy, Liu Sumeng could no longer play pretend, "We need to return."

Yuan Xuelan was breathless and watched Liu Sumeng without the power to look away. Long inky strands fluttered in the wind. Yuan Xuelan imagined himself to be the goddess who offered Sumeng a place by her side in the Heavens.

"I know. But I don't really want to."

Liu Sumeng didn't want to either. His eyes were soft and a gentle smile was upon his lips, "People are waiting for us." Pale fingers wrapped around Yuan Xuelan's hand and tugged at him lightly in encouragement.

Yuan Xuelan licked his lips, feeling bold. "Okay, but before we go, one more thing."

"Yes?"

"Can I kiss you?"