Chapter 237: Broken Dam!

"I did not know at that time, I came to know after a long time when I attended the winter ball and I saw you there with your wife. That was the time i let you go from my heart.'' I replied, closing my eyes, remembering the day when he had kissed her after the dance. This was the most unconventional thing to do, to show physical affections in the public, yet he did it with so much pride. His love was flowing in the air.

"Marianne"

"If.. I would not have been married, would you have continued to love me and have married me happily?"

"......."

"Cassius, you have been married and you have loved your wife a lot. You even have a child. Did this hypothetical question have any value at all?" I asked in a tiring way once, but he continued to look at me as if he was still waiting for my answer.

"Yes, Cassius. I would have continued to love you if you would have loved me back. I would have been happily married to you if you would have accepted my proposal in the first time… these are all far gone things, for the love of the lord, i would have loved you even as your second wife, if you did not have behaved this cold to me and have not insulted me again and again. You are the one who is responsible for the death of my affection towards you.'' I said as tears started cramping my vision. 

"Marianne.." he called and I shook my head.

"Tell me Cassius, why have you always hated me, behaved cold towards me? Why have you been so suspicious about me?" I asked as I looked straight into his eyes but he bowed his head low like a kid in remorse and I shook my head. He was not a kid, that could be forgiven so easily.

"I have always thought that it's a matter of time. Your wounds are green. You will start to like me. I behaved just the way your first wife did."

"I remoulded myself into something I was not, and soon started forgetting my identity, just for your love Cassius.. But what you did!! Nothing! You just returned my love with scornful and disdained gazes. Insulting me in a public area."

"Then I thought that it was because you love Isabella that you are not satisfied with me, but that was also a figment of my imagination. Then what else, Cassius, why did you do that to me?"

"You tell me that you always speak the truth to me. Ha! Do you think I am blind, I can not feel the things that are still hidden inside you? I am not that naive girl from the academy who used to believe in your every lie." my breaths turned shallow further as i sniffed, snots forming but i don't care about my image anymore at the moment. I wiped my tears as i looked back at him

"When I was waiting for you for hours in the library, you said that you were busy in practicing that's why you were late, but in reality you have long forgotten that you are about to meet me in the library for practice and had accidentally seen me there after 4 long hours of waiting, Cassius. I knew the truth, yet my naiveself did not want to distrust you. Now i come to think of it, i didn't even know what i saw in you at that time!!" I shook my head and then looked at him again, though his image had long turned blurry.

"But I am not that naive, I am not a kid anymore." I shouted, this was just an example, there were many incidents deep hidden in my heart.

"You have always taken my presence for granted. as if i was nothing! and I.. I continued to believe that one day you would notice me if I continued to excel in life. I was so lost in you that I forgot myself. But later in my life I realised that you are still so much in love with your wife that there is no place for me. 

And now that we are talking divorce, I am happy. Finally i will get my share of peace and you can stay true to the memories of your wife.'' I felt my throat run dry. I must be speaking for a long time.

I took the glass from the table and started drinking water. Yet I did not hear a single sound. I finally looked at him and there were tears in his eyes that made me stunned.

I had seen him snarling, I had seen him shouting, insulting and even cold and reserved. But this was the third time I have seen him crying.

I felt my whole body turn limp. He did not cry even when I cried and slapped him.

"Cassius.. I"

"I apologise for all the mistakes I made Marianne. I truly am.. You are right. I did not deserve to be with a gem like you. I lost what I could have for a stone that was never mine.`` But before I could comprehend what he said he hugged me back.

"Cassius" I wanted to ask him to stop but he was lost.

"Would you ever forgive me, Marianne?" he asked, and I turned still.

"Would I ever forgive him! Would he deserve forgiveness! Or in the passage of time, have I already forgiven him?" my thoughts were broken when his hands held me with my back and he looked into my eyes, "Don't reply, at least not now."

"Cassius i.." he gently cupped my cheeks and kissed my forehead, then my eyelids, making me still in his arms. 

There was so much gentleness in his touch as if he was afraid to hurt me more, but my heart still felt heavy, as if the dam was broken. All those old memories came hitting me hard, unguarded!

I kept crying while clutching his arms for all those pains I had suffered. He kept running his hands in my hair, trying to assure me but all I felt was letting go of everything.