Chapter 217: What does set us apart?

Returning to Dearie's world, I didn't really know how should I act. Given how my exit and entry point were right at the entrance of her tent, I didn't even have the time to think over the entire situation before I was forced to confront the queen-to-be again.

"Huh? That was really fast!" Noticing my appearance, Dearie shouted in surprise.

"Didn't I tell you that? Also, I didn't get to resupply at all." I shook my head in disappointment. That was the sad truth of what just happened. Overwhelmed with Ayda's reaction to the revelations she figured out from the state of my soul, I didn't even have the time to tell her about my need to replenish the stock of my weapons.

"Well, can't you just go back again, then?" Dearie politely ignored the obvious topic of where I was coming and going to and from, focusing on the topics that she could have some hope I would truthfully explain.

"I can, but well… How do I say it…" I averted my eyes, still unable to cope with what I had to do right now.

Or rather, why did I have to do anything at all?

In this one moment when this question blossomed in my head, it felt as if the entire world broke apart on me.

Why did I have to fuck Dearie?

Just because Ayda encouraged me to do it? Just because Dearie had both a body and a face to kill for?

Or maybe…

"Hey, what's wrong?" Only when the girl called out to me did I notice that out of the sheer shock, I failed to notice the passage of time. What appeared like just a moment to my confused self, actually turned out to be quite a long while in the eyes of everyone else.

"Ah, sorry. Just an insanely important question appeared in my mind for a moment." Dodging the question I looked around the tent before finding exactly what I was looking for.

A simple sofa.

Ignoring the question of how did this weighty piece of furniture found its way to the frontlines so quickly, I said down on its pillows before hiding my face in my hands.

"I'm sorry, but could you please give me a moment?" Muttering through my hands-covered mouth, I asked.

"Sure, take your time." Still surprised by my behavior, Dearie easily gave me some space to sort my thoughts off.

But that didn't make it any easier to figure out the answer to the questions popping up in my mind.

Why was I ready to do whatever Ayda said, even if it meant going against what I considered to be the very reason why I was listening to her in the first place? How could I accept her wishes out of love, if she was basically forcing me into doing something that went against my concept of love?

Or maybe there was something else to it?

With all the depressing thoughts and suspicions that arose in my mind when the first question appeared in it, it was this other question that suddenly leads all my thoughts to a halt.

"Would you mind if I sit here?" Out of nowhere, Dearie interrupted my moment. Shaking the momentary confusion out of my head, I raised my eyes at the girl, only to see her wearing an actually decent dress while holding two cups of some kind of steaming hot beverage.

"Sure," I replied. Even if I had a lot of doubts regarding my possible relationship with her, there was no reason for me to act cold towards her in the first place.

"You know," Dearie started as she sat down before passing me one of the cups, "I always thought it's easier to cope with a problem by talking about it." A gentle smile blossomed on her lips. "I know that I'm unlikely to understand anything of what you are going through, but that doesn't mean I can't encourage you a little." Her gentle smile didn't have any marks of something deeper being hidden underneath.

But in this current state of my mind, I didn't find it reasonable to stop myself from prying into her soul.

And surprisingly, rather than sexual heat, anger, or annoyance, her entire soul was filled with nothing else but a simple worry.

Which in turn, instantly made me feel like a scumbag for prying on what should be the most private aspect of her entire self.

"Not yet, not now. I still need to figure out a lot of things on my own." As angry as I was on myself right now, I felt the same amount of gratitude for the feelings that this girl had towards me right now.

Because it was the second time in my life when any other female rather than my mother would actually care enough about me to be worried about my well-being.

But still, that didn't make figuring out my own thoughts or emotions any easier. The only handicap that Dearie's presence gave me, was this strange brew that she brought. Whenever I would take a sip, the warmth would spread all over my body, slowly working away at all the anxiety that was filling my entire self.

Still, the question from before still stood.

What was the difference between Ayda's actions and motives and mine? What was the thing that made us so starkly different in regards to the approach to the sexual stuff? Why was she so open to the idea of someone who she claimed to love, going around and impregnating every girl suitable to bear his kid?

"Hey, listen to me for a moment." Dearie interrupted me once again. Yet, rather than getting angry, I actually felt a bit of relief when my mind focused on something else besides the quandary troubling my mental state.

"What's wrong?" I asked, curious why she was interrupting my thoughts.

"Does there need to be anything wrong for me to talk with you?" Dearie put a sulking expression on her face before mellowing it down to the same, gentle smile from before. "Actually, there is one more thing that I think I can do to help you sort your thoughts out." The girl said before turning her eyes away. "Close your eyes for a moment. I promise I won't make a move on you if you are still worried about that."

"Hehe," a random bout of laughter escaped from my lips. Now that I thought about it, this situation was more than weird. It was more than idiotic to hear such words from the lips of the most beautiful girl that I ever saw walking any of the worlds I visited so far! "Sure." In the end, I followed Dearie's request.

Only to feel her hands on my head. But rather than being attacked, my entire body fell over to the side, only for something soft to cushion the fall of my head.

"Just stay like this." Dearie's hand started to slowly brush my hair. For a moment, I felt like escaping from what was obviously a lap-pillow but ultimately decided to give up on this. So far, even I wouldn't consider our current situation cheating, so there was no need to act all weird about it.

And it was then when filled with the gentle fragrance of Dearie's body when I finally realized what was the thing that set me and Ayda apart.

So far, everything that I did was just my attempt at improving my life. From creating a faction to guarantee my own safety and position, through obtaining apocalyptic tech to create a source of revenue for my sect when money became a problem, all the way to investing in stone magic when i realized that firearms could only bring me so far in worlds filled with magic.

And right now, I was doing the same. I refused to get between Dearie's legs just because I didn't like the idea of sleeping with anyone else but Ayda. Right now I had nothing to say against resting my head on her lap because I personally didn't find it infringing on what I considered my personal bottom line.

All the while, Ayda didn't put herself as the absolute priority when she was doing what she was doing. When we came back to her world, she did everything she could to secure the position of her fellow witches. She even went for the extra mile to save those who were captured by those rotten wizards.

And most importantly, she was constanty pushing me to get more children, even though I still believed that she wasn't happy with that in the depths of her soul.

In short words, while I was pursuing nothing but my happiness and whatever was necessary to obtain it, she was focusing on stuff that I didn't even bother to ask for! While my thoughts were centered on my own affairs, she was left all alone thinking about the matters that I never wasted my time asking about!

"You are ready now, aren't you?" Dearie's voice woke me up from the sudden onslaught of thoughts and realizations that filled my mind. 

"Huh?" I didn't even know how I was supposed to answer it. Because ultimately speaking, she was right. Once I realized what was the difference between Ayda's and my own approach, I could only feel shame for being so self-centered. And once the main bastion that stood guard over my morality crumbled just like that, the perspective of spending the night with the most beautiful girl I ever saw in my life suddenly appeared in a whole new light!

"Well, I would lie if I were to deny it," finally opening my eyes, I could now openly stare at the two, massive peaks that hung over my face. At the same time, I felt Dearie's hand creeping towards my crotch.

"Good. Let me get you all prepped up, then." Her charming smile was worth killing for. But when her nimble fingers snuck underneath my pants, it was my desire that exploded so hard, it threatened to actually kill me instead.