Chapter 189 - [Bonus ] Struggles II

Meanwhile, in Devon and Lewis's apartment. Lewis sat on the couch while staring around. This had been his little secret from everyone. That he would consistently spend an hour or two in this place. Sometimes, he would sit on the couch in the living room for the entire time and sometimes lie on the bed.

"I miss you," he whispered while staring into nothingness. His chest moved heavily, recalling the time she would just move around and he would listen to her clumsy footsteps. 

He slowly closed his eyes while tilting his head back. Nothing. All he could hear was silence, just like the past few months. 

"I miss you," he repeated under his breath, but the silence answered him. "I miss you, Kas. Very much."

Lewis remained silent for a very long time while his mind trace back to those beautiful memories they had together. He still couldn't believe it. But every time he faced Devon and talk to her, it forced him to accept reality. 

That he lost her. Devon, the woman he loved, was gone. 

The pain of losing her felt nothing compared to the days that passed without her and the upcoming days. He doesn't even look forward to tomorrow anymore. His world was just grey without her. 

"I am just... surviving, love. Barely surviving." His eyes slowly opened, staring at the ceiling with bitterness and sadness in his eyes. "I am trying, but... it just gets harder by the day. This felt eternal."

He took a deep breath and set his eyes on the bottle of wine placed on the table. He would usually grab a bottle and a glass, but he never once drank it. It was just a habit he picked up in the past. That once he comes home, he would serve himself a glass of wine and join her on this same couch while they watch a drama. 

But now, he was just alone, and the television was off. The corner of his lips curled up into a bitter smile. Today would be different for once, he thought. Hence, he poured himself a glass of wine and chugged it down without a second hesitation. 

Lewis winced as he felt the heat travel down his chest. But at least, that was the first time he felt something else other than pain. So, to numb the pain in his chest, Lewis didn't pour himself a glass but took the entire bottle instead. 

"Better," he nodded, loosening his tie as he leaned back comfortably. "Yes, this is better," and then drank from the bottle. 

"This is..." he trailed off as he drank once again to wash down the pain that was resurfacing in his heart. As he gulped the alcohol, tears suddenly rolled down his cheek. His grip around the bottle tightened before he threw it towards the television with a shout. 

"It's not better... it's worse, Dev." came out a confession through his gritted teeth while running his hand through his hair. "How can it be better...?"

That was right. How could it be better? When he couldn't even hold a picture of her to embrace and cry? How could it be better when he knew he couldn't hold her anymore? That no amount of prayers and tears would bring her back? Even when the Qin Empire would recover from their crisis, he would never be happy.

The reason Lewis understood the Devon back in the old Qin residence was that... he could relate. He was trying just for the sake of the woman who valued this life. But it was just getting worse every day. He felt breathless and numb and depressed. 

"Please come back..." Lewis hunched in while gripping his hair with both his hands. Crying his heart out until he could no longer shed a tear. 

******

Derek stood outside the door and stared at it. When he heard something shattering inside, he was about to barge inside. But what followed were Lewis's cries. Hence, he refrained from going inside. 

"Young master..." he whispered as his eyes softened. "... Miss Lin is still here."

To everyone, Devon was fine and recovering. But the way Derek sees it, Lewis was grieving as if she was dead. Lewis didn't tell him about this. Actually, Lewis had been too busy that he didn't even have time to spare to talk about anything personal. 

That was why Derek felt more burdened and worried by his boss's actions. Why? Just why would Lewis stay in this place, break things, cry, and come out as if nothing happened? Why wouldn't he go directly to the old Qin residence to see her? Derek had even noticed that Devon changed slightly. The life in Devon's eyes was back to how they usually were.

They don't gleam anymore, nor do they look curious. If anything, Derek could only see the insignificance of life in them. It was easy to assume Lewis was like this because she retrieved her memories. But no one would grieve like this if that was the case. Instead, Lewis would win her heart again, since he won her heart over in the past.

"How complicated..." came out a whisper before he left, knowing Lewis would rather drive himself alone. But in case, Derek told the driver to wait for Lewis.

*******

After Lewis' mental breakdown, he drove back to the old Qin residence. Thanks to Derek, who told his driver to wait for him, he didn't drive while under the influence of alcohol. He didn't idle around and even ignored Kai and Dion in the lobby as he walked straight to their room. 

"Are you inside?" he asked while knocking on the door. "I'm coming in."

Lewis held on to the doorknob for a second, taking deep breaths. He was certain she would know he had a bit of a drink, but he didn't want her to know he wasn't fine at all. When he mustered his courage to face her, Lewis opened the door. 

To his surprise, Devon was just sitting in the middle of the room. His eyes caught the broken vase near her before his gaze veered on the blood dripping from her fingertips.

"Dev!" he panicked, sobering up as he sprinted inside. Lewis squatted down in front of her, expecting the worse. But she had her eyes open, staring down blankly. 

"Dev," he called under his breath, watching her raise her gaze at him. Her eyes were dim with life and empty, making his heart race in nervousness. 

"Wait, let me..." Just before he could spring back up, Devon grabbed his hand to stop him. 

"It's nothing serious," she said in a low voice, showing the wound on her palm. "Just a scratch."

"Dev."

"Lu," she called, making him freeze as this was the first time she called him with that name and in that same tone. With that same palm, Devon cupped his cheek and smiled weakly. 

"I'm fine."