Chapter 130 - Why… Does It Hurt So Much?

"You should sleep." Ghost Lin snapped her eyes, lying on her side and having a staring competition with Quentin. 

"Don't tell me what to do." His reply was blunt, making her already dead expression die. "I want to look at you more, and don't turn around if that's what you're planning to do."

"Stop predicting what I will do! Gosh! You're so annoying!" she frowned, scrunching her nose as she indeed thought of turning around. "I'm not an illusion, alright?! I'm real — I don't have a body, but I am real!"

"Yes, yes. If that is what you're saying." Quentin nodded, but not even concealing that he was not convinced. If Ghost Lin had a physical body right now, she would've bitten his arms or shoulder.

"Once I wake up, you will be gone and I have to pretend we never had this conversation." He explained under his breath, blinking ever so slowly. "So, I want to stay awake for as long as I can. It's rare for you to stay even when I want you to disappear."

"That's because I'm the actual ghost."

Silence followed her last remarks as Quentin just looked at her. If he didn't face the same situation in the past where he hallucinated on seeing her, he would've believed that she was the real thing. However, that was impossible.

"Aren't you afraid you will wake up late? Didn't you say you're a changed man? Don't you have priorities?" she asked, breaking the silence that enveloped them. 

"I do and someone tried to fuck with me."

"That lover boy Qin?" 

"Lover boy? Stop changing other people's names. Not good." he raised a brow, a bit confused at Ghost Lin's choice of words. But then again, he recalled that he had seen Lewis earlier with his girlfriend. So he thought 'Ghost Lin' would give that nickname because he thought of it subconsciously.

"Whatever. So, what's up with him?" she waved in disinterest, as that wasn't what she wanted to hear. 

"Well, he suddenly cut us off midair." Quentin clicked his tongue, as this gave him enough stress to hallucinate about Ghost Lin. "He screws me over, so I was thinking of messing with him."

"Hey!" Ghost Lin suddenly got up to sit, trying to slap his shoulders, but couldn't. "Ughh! This is so frustrating!"

"Didn't you say you're a changed man?! Why are you trying to mess with him? Won't that cause a problem for both of you? Are you crazy?" she added, yelling at the top of her lungs.

The Qin Empire was powerful and influential; that was a fact. However, the De Luca had been in the business for many generations and had connections in the underground world. They were a previous mafia family several decades back, after all. 

"Why? They can mess with us and we just have to suck it up?" Quentin snapped his tongue once again, frowning as he patted the spot where she laid before. "Stay here, babe."

"Gosh… you still have the energy to flirt with a ghost?! Quentin De Luca, I'm speechless!" A scoff slipped past her mouth, gazing at him with disdain. 

"Because I missed you." 

"Gosh!!" her toes and fingers curled, making her ground her teeth and glare daggers at him. "Can you stop doing that?"

"Doing what?"

"That!" she pointed at his face. "Stop doing that with that face!" 

Quentin furrowed his brows and frowned. He wasn't doing anything to her and was just being honest with her. But this ghost was getting all worked up.

"Don't frown too!" Ghost Lin clasped her chest, sporting a brave face. "And don't mess with that person, you hear me?! Just move on!"

"You keep telling me things I shouldn't do, tsk tsk tsk. What a controlling little girl."

"I'm telling you this for your own good and —" Ghost Lin took a deep breath before yelling, "I'm not a little girl! Do you want to die?!"

"Goodness… if only I can pull you and kiss you so you shut up, I would've done it."

She gasped, palm on her chest. "So much for this 'changed' man theme."

"Don't act as if you don't like surprise kisses." He averted his gaze, feigning innocent. "Also, I just said what I want to do, but not like I will do it even if you have a physical body."

"Of course! Do you want to fight me again?"

A shallow breath slipped past his lips. "Of course not. It's a mistake to raise my hand on you, and I regret that."

"Hah! Good thing you know that."

Again, silence enveloped the two of them. Right… in the past, they did argue one time that led to a physical fight. That one time… they broke up for good. 

After a long time of silence, Ghost Lin collapsed on the bed once again. She looked at the ceiling, taking deep breaths.

"The best apology is when you change and won't do it again even if it kills you," she murmured, turning her head toward him. "Don't do that again if you ever get a new lover, alright? You become overly possessive when you love and you ended up hurting that person."

She slowly shifted her eyes back to the ceiling, pressing her lips together. "Although I know I had my shortcomings as your girlfriend and I was selfish, it's really wrong that you think taking my virginity will make me yours completely. I wasn't ready back then, Ken. I still hate you for that and my trust in people just went from forty to negative zero real quick."

He didn't speak a word as she voiced out her thoughts about what happened. He couldn't argue with her in that because he was aware of how wrong he was.

"Thinking that if I get pregnant will keep me with you forever is wrong. Children are not meant to be the answer to keep two adults together. The idea is so fucked up, as if you just disregarded the information of what sort of family I have." Her chest moved in and out heavily, pursing her lips as she recalled everything. 

"I'm sorry."

"If you're sorry, just don't mess with me again." She warned, sorting out her issue with her past so Devon wouldn't have to do it. "Just live just like how you lived after our breakup. There were too many women who will like you, so don't get stuck on your past love."

"That's easier said than done, Dev." Quentin finally rolled to his other side, his back facing her. "There are a lot of people, that's true. But there's only one I like, I want, I missed, and I love."

"Tsk. You're so stubborn, gosh." Ghost Lin snapped her tongue as she gazed at his back. "What will I do with you?"

He didn't reply anymore and Ghost Lin stayed in that position for a long time. She was staring at the ceiling for quite some time before she rolled to her side, facing him. 

"Just let me go, Ken," she whispered, crawling closer to him as she embraced him from behind. "I don't deserve your love."

Deep down, Ghost Lin loved him just as much as she hated him. They were a complicated couple, indeed. Too much love and hate at the same time. 

"Please love yourself more, or you will just ruin yourself again." She added, resting her forehead on his back. "I'm also sorry because I didn't try just as much as you did. But… it's all too late now. You will just hurt yourself if you keep holding on to the old and rotten rope."

Little did Ghost Lin know he was still awake. He only had his eyes closed, but he could still hear her.

'Goodness… she really sounds so real,' he thought, clenching his teeth that made his jaw tighten. 'I tried, Dev… you have no idea how much I tried to forget.' But it was all for naught. 

She was still his light, the one his heart screamed, and the warmth he had sought. He didn't know what kind of spell she had put on him, but he would always seek her unconsciously.

******

When morning came, Quentin opened his eyes but didn't move a muscle. He didn't want to turn around or just look around. Last night, he could remember Ghost Lin and their entire conversation. Thinking about it brought this bitterness to his heart.

"So much for spending too much money on therapy…" He muttered after several minutes as he rolled on his back. He turned his head to where she laid last night, bringing heaviness in his heart. 

"She's gone." His hand stroke the empty side of the bed, clutching the sheet as he ground his teeth. 

Quentin didn't understand why the sudden pain in his chest. Was it because he had imagined her after many years? Was it because he missed her so much?

He didn't know.

But the pain in his heart was enough for him to cover his eyes with his arm as tears trickled down to his side. It just felt like he lost a loved one, which he didn't feel before. 

"Why… does it hurt so much?"