Chapter 60

Joansi breathed hard. She checked if her dress was messed up and caught her breath. Then she looked straight in front of her. The door was wide open, so she did not have to knock. And there he was. He looked like a painting of a big master.

The guy standing in front of her was oddly blue. He was lighting up even in this dark evening. He had a silent blue light that didn’t disappear by the darkness. Joansi thought it may have been a characteristic of the royals. Her lips opened.

“…Your Highness.”

The night was getting cold. Joansi tried to pretend like everything was okay. She did not want her voice to shiver by the night wind like last time.

“Your Highness.”

The man turned around. Light purple hair waved through the moonlight. The line from his forehead to the end of his chin was smooth. The moonlight shaded in the side of his face.

“Ms. Hamern.”

The voice was low toned as usual. The man hid a bit of youth that was left in him, as he was used to it. He’s been like that.

“…Did you hear that?”

“Ah, of course.”

The man smiled. As Joansi saw that smile, she got nervous. No matter how hard she tried, her voice would always shake in front of him, though it was very slight. Only she would notice that about herself.

“…Your Highness.”

Or she hoped she’s the only one who noticed it. But he was smart, and she figured that he might have noticed it, too.

“Ms. Hamern.”

“Yes.”

“My sister will arrive soon. I would like to introduce you to her this time.”

“Ahh…”

“What do you think, Ms. Hamern?”

“…Your Highness. It is an honor, and I am happy to…”

She wanted to bite her tongue to stop stuttering. Joansi’s face was getting darker. Her words were fading away. It wasn’t just because she was nervous. She wanted to say it with better expression. She could not believe that she was finally seeing the sister of the crown prince. It was such an honor. She thought that could mean that he was thinking of her as someone special. She wanted to let him know how happy she was.

“I already let my sister know. Did I also mention it? She loved that book.”

She was still trying to figure out how she could express her feeling.

“Yes, Your Highness.” Joansi stopped thinking and replied right away.

“…Ms. Hamern.”

The man sighed. “I told you to call me comfortably.”

“But I cannot dare to, Your Highness.”

“Joansi Tel Prva von Hamern.”

Her name was called. Not her family name, but her own name. She blushed. Joansi thought it was better that it happened at night. The crown prince never lost his light, but she was hidden in darkness.

“Your Highness, L’avenant.”

L’avenant smiled slightly. It was a silent smile.

“You.” He stepped in closer to her. Joansi held onto her dress. “Don’t…”

The man walked out of the dark balcony that the light could not reach out to. Joansi realized every time she saw those elegant steps, he was someone walking on the different path than her. She was not surprised. It wasn’t something she could change. So, she tried not to expect something out of it, and she tried not to cross the boundary.

“You don’t have to worry too much.”

He would always be gentle with her. The crown prince was standing in front of her.

“Ahh.”

She was lost in the blue light coming from him and forgot to say the greeting. Joansi raised her head a bit. They looked at each other. The golden eyes. They were beautiful as gems. Joansi took a breath.

She hesitated to ask him if that was okay with him. However, she thought she would cross the boundary if she said it, though she was next to him as a friend. She tried to control herself. But…

<<“Hey, Joansi.”

“Hmm?”

“Did you hear that?”

“Things happened at Menang.”

“The king and the princess from Skara…”>>

She ran here right after she heard that from her friends. There was no other reason.

“Thank you for the concern, Ms. Hamern,”

She was worried about him. He could not be doing well hearing that.

His sister, whom he was close to, was marrying the king who won the Haias war. To him, Monterobis would be nothing but an enemy country. He was staying here as a capture, so the king was more than just being an enemy. She thought his head would be more complicated than she could ever assume.

She knew that he was avoiding the question, but she had to ask him.

“…Are you truly—”

“Ms. Hamern.”

“…Are you truly okay, L’avenant?”

She saw a serious face collapsing down. L’avenant covered his eyes with his hands. His golden eyes were hidden. Under the light, his blue light was still bright, but his face was hidden.

“… … of course.”

The small whisper traveled and laid onto Joansi’s forehead. And L’avenant did not say what he was going to say after. Himself doing okay did not matter to him — there was something more important to him.

***

Yellow and white lights came into the room. The crunching sound stopped. The lady with long braided hair stopped writing and tried to figure out what she wanted to say. A small hand spun the pen few times.

Someone knocked on the door, but she was concentrating so much she didn’t hear it.

<<“…That’s how I’ve been doing. Lante. I was wondering if…”>>

She could not write anymore. Ashite’s cheeks were flushed. She realized how young she was that she was blushing over just thinking about it. She dropped her pen on the table. The letter was waving through the wind.

Ashite looked over the window. The sky was blue. It was so clear, unlike her mind. She laughed just thinking about it.

She was very curious about something, but she did not have someone to ask it to. She tried to think of someone, but there was no one. It was her fault. She would have known if she was just a bit more mature.

It wasn’t that she was embarrassed to ask. She always tried to ask someone to learn. However, the environment that she’d grown in would not always let her do so. Most of the time, she would ask those questions to the books. It did not matter to her that she found the answers to her own questions.

However, things were different this time. They were so different. The answer wouldn’t be found in a book. The person that she needed to ask had to be someone with some qualifications — a person who knew the king of this country well and knew the relationship between him and her at least a bit.

She was never curious about this kind of topic, so she had no clue how to figure this out. She only had a small circle of people, and that was also a problem, too. That was the most basic problem, although she changed a lot ever since she came here. Ashite smiled slightly.

Although she may have changed, there still wasn’t a perfect person to ask this to. It would be easy to ask the servants who are always talkative. They won’t even question why she was asking the question. But she won’t get good answers from them. The only person she could think of was Lante. She felt the most comfortable and close to him.

However, she realized that she would have to explain everything to Lante. And she had no idea how she would tell him. She thought of what she would say — that it’d been a while that she’d been believing that there was no such thing as true love, but after she’d been through some things, the king of this country seemed to make her change. They were accepting each other and staying happily right now. She wondered if he would accept it well this way.

She believed that Lante would accept it well, no matter how she explained it to him. She was worried that he might be against it, but there was no way he would. Even if he were against it, she was not willing to give it up. Then she realized that telling him through a letter wouldn’t be the best way to do so. She had to tell him in person for this kind of topic. But then she also felt awkward just to put a question in a letter without any explanation about the current situation. It would leave Lante with worry and curiosity.

He would be curious and worry about why she was thinking about a gift for the king. She knew that was how Lante would reply to her. This was the biggest concern Ashite had been having recently.

There were only few days left for the birthday of the king.

There would be a huge ball. She could not imagine how luxurious and fancy it would be. It would be more than whatever she would expect it to be. That’s why she could not think of what she could get him as a gift — the special person who was the reason why all these ball and festivals are happening. She wondered what he would need or want other than what he already had. Money or power wasn’t something she could give to him, nor did she have any. It was him who she was getting those from.

She did not have enough. That was the biggest problem. She couldn’t give anything to him. There were things that she wanted to give to him, but those were above her ability to do so. And what she could get for him would not be needed by him.

Ashite wanted to give him something that was worthwhile to him. However, there would be plenty of gifts for him coming from numerous people. There could be foreigners, too. Then that meant he would receive foreign gifts, too. There would be numerous expensive, luxurious gifts from everywhere, and the king’s servants would be busy taking care of them.

She did not have the ability to give such a gift to him. Once she realized that, the first emotion she felt was frustration, but her will to give him the meaningful gift was bigger. She wanted to give a gift that only she could give to him. It would be easiest for her to ask him directly what he wanted. However, there must be something that she could do without asking him first… She thought that it would only be the most meaningful gift once she could think of it by her own.

One side of her thought that it would be a meaningful gift if only she put in a lot of thoughts and worries into it. One thing was for sure: she wanted to give him something special. However, she knew that she was not good at it, so she kept on thinking.

She also thought that she could make something for him. That was truly something only she could give to him.

But then she didn’t know what she could make for him. She knew how to embroider. However, she was not good at it, and someone would gift him the ones from Uratorium. She doubted herself to make something better than the ones from Uratorium; the products from there were well known for their beauty. For example, even if she embroiderd a handkerchief for him, it was possible that he would prefer the one from Uratorium more, then her gift would not be something special to him. He would smile because he wouldn’t want to hurt her feelings, and even if he used it, it wouldn’t mean that he liked it. She wanted to make him something that he would truly like.

She kept on thinking about her ideas one by one, but nothing seemed to be good. She was thinking about a dance or a song, but it was something she could show him whenever he wanted to see it. And it was not something physical for him to keep. She could dance like no other dancers, but it would only last for the moment. That’s how she’d been thinking.

So, she wanted to give something that would last — something that he could keep next to him and use it for a long time.

She wondered if she was being too picky about the gifts. Ashite sighed. But she did not think that she was being too much. There were so many things that she’d gotten from him — so many that she could never pay everything back to him. Although the time they spent was a short amount of time, there were so many things that happened, and it was not possible to put all the love and affection that she had for him to put it in one gift. She thought maybe she was thinking too much about this, but that was how much she cared about him.

“Your Highness.”

Ashite got scared by the calling. She turned around.

“Ah…”

“Your Highness, are you there? May we walk in?”

“Yes, you may. It’s okay.”

Few servants who were waiting walked in gently. Their steps were like feathers. Staring at them for a while, Ashite slowly opened her lips.

Then she closed her lips again. The wind came in and tickled her with few strands of hair. It felt like the wind was comforting her.

“Your Highness, may we get you ready?”

“Yes…wait, just a moment.”

Ashite gestured lightly, and the servants put their heads down and stepped away from her. They were waiting for her by the door. She thought she should at least finish the letter she’d been writing. After the servants got her ready, she had to go to the restaurant to have a meal with him. So, she did not want any uncomfortable feelings left in her before she went.

She thought suddenly to not worry about it too much. There couldn’t be a good answer just because she overthought about it on her own. The wind touched her cheeks. She decided to not overthink it; she’s been thinking for a few days now, and she still had no idea.

She just wanted to ask Lante and not think about it too seriously. It wouldn’t be too hard to just tell him about it. She realized that she probably wouldn’t be able to receive the reply from Lante before the ball. Therefore, she wrote to Lante not too seriously, but just to get her thoughts out.

Ashite grabbed her pen again.

She spun the pen again. Then she crossed out what she wrote. There was no hesitation. A part of the letter dyed in ink quickly.

<<…have been doing well. Just curious Lante, what would you want to get>>

The embarrassed feeling still stayed the same. She smiled.

She finished briefly and dropped her pen down. And then she gestured to the leader of the servants. Lucia noticed her gesture and started to get her ready. The quick steps went back and forth, but it was quiet. Soon, powder scent and flower scent filled in the room. As she looked at the servants picking the shoes and holding the dresses, Ashite thought of one thing.

Although she did not explain everything to him, Lante would figure out why the letter came to him. She did not care, but the atmosphere in the palace was a bit weird recently, too. Especially in Ramon Chater, where all the young girls and boys are gathered, there was no way people already figured it out. Maybe, or obviously, Lante should know about it, too.

She wondered what he would think about it. She wanted to visit him again. Ashite looked outside the window. The sky with yellow and white lights was especially blue today.