Chapter 32: Hormones

"You thought you were turning into some hormone monster?" He asked through the sniffles. He wiped his tears away a somber smile on his face.

"Don't smile at me like that it's really embarrassing." Max rubbed his neck while looking at the ground. He was certain now that Leo wouldn't run off without hearing him out the rest of the way. So he loosened his grip on Leo's wrist but didn't let go.

"But I really didn't feel anything like what I felt for you with Sam at all."

I mean with you I feel like lighting has hit me and my body has turned into a burning pit of lava, like I'm cold and hot everywhere at once."

"That kiss back there felt devoid of anything, it was just a warm sensation of attraction to a breathing body against mine."

He scoffed and smiled. "What that was, back there now that was hormones..." He chuckled nervously at his own stupid joke.

Leo pursed his lips a worrying sensation growing inside his pit.

"I'm sorry, Sam was just helping me figure things out because I needed to know if I was gay... If I liked Men." He finished.

Leo's face screwed up as he realized what had suddenly made his stomach turn, why he suddenly felt so put off by the look on Max's face. 'Max was relieved and already making jokes about it? And it was hormones? His kiss with Sam had just been hormones? What did that even mean???'

Then it dawned on him and he felt his stomach jump in disgust. Max had figured out he was gay and liked men in general and...

Leo pulled his hand out of Max's slowly a look of distress screwing up his pretty features. 'Shit... Max had liked it, Max had enjoyed the kiss with Sam.'

'And if he was originally worried about being gay... And accepting those awakening feelings.'

'He might not realize his feelings for Sam, hadn't just been because he was attracted to him because he was male. It was because he was just attracted to Sam and he hadn't realized it, yet.'

Leo groaned. 'It hurt.'

'He had been right all along. There was hidden sexual tension between them. They just hadn't realized it yet!'

"Max, are you saying that you felt something for Sam when you did kiss? Even if it wasn't a jolt of fire or electricity?"

"Leo, that's not what I meant... I know what I want now Leo." Max looked into Leo's eyes confused.

'Everything had been going well what had happened?' Leo thought. 'And then he had to say it.'

"I want you!" Max said, confessing while staring into Leo's eyes, his eyebrows pressed together in worry.

"I want to be with you," Max said softly, stepping forward a bit closer trying to touch Leo again.

Leo stepped back. 'He had felt something. Max had felt something!'

Leo felt like his chest had been crushed. 'The worst of all, his fears had been realized. His own insecurities laughingly thrown back in his face. It was all just nothing, just a thing Max could laugh about now, not even later on, a week from now, a month, no today, right this minute.'

'Right now.'

'It was funny to Max now....'

'How much could he really mean to a guy like Max if it was all over just like that? If his feelings of betrayal and hurt could be laughed off because Max simply didn't mean it.'

"Did you feel anything at all?" Leo asked one more time his voice strained, and cracked around the words. His face was tense, his eyes almost pleading to hear Max say the words he wanted to hear. His delicate hands balled into fists that clutched desperately to his jeans tightly.

"Well, it wasn't like I kissed a wall, Leo... It was another living human being." Max said, his slight frustration with Leo beginning to show now.

"Of course, why not. He is breathing after all, and you are not made out of stone." Leo said, echoing Max's words back at him, his lips and chin trembling as the ugly words fell off his own lips making him feel even worse. He stepped back again as his face crumpled.

"I am human..." Max repeated his face waring confusion and annoyance Leo's looked around looking for a way to run.

Leo knew he had lost Max, that it was over before it had begun. He couldn't get in the way of a lasting friendship filled with love. Especially one that made Max question his own sanity. That frankly, was tearing him up inside. And so with it over, the only thing left to do again was run. He looked over and saw the realization on Max's face. Max knew somehow he had lost him. But didn't know how or why. But looked like he wasn't ready to let Leo leave.

Leo wished for one moment Max could read his mind. 'Just let me go... Please... It hurts too much, don't say anything more... Just let me go.'

"I felt an odd sensation, and a small amount of satisfaction with it," Max said gently admitting defeat, saying the words Leo didn't need to hear. Leo squeezed his eyes closed.

"With Sam, you felt satisfied kissing Sam..." Leo couldn't even open his eyes as he squeezed the words out, each one like a knife to the gut, an immense pain to his heart. He looked back into Max's eye's, one final look of gut-wrenching pain that begged him for an escape.

Max stepped forward impulsively. For one second Leo wanted Max to, touch him and hold him again. To tell him it had been some weird freaky lie Sam had forced him into, unwillingly and that Sam was the bad guy here. But he knew this was the truth.

Leo backed away and didn't stop this time.

Leo's eyes lighted on something behind him and his face took a bitter pain of devastation. Max turned around.

Sam was cautiously approaching. Max let out a loud groan.

'Sam was coming to claim his property. Leo thought, but then reality told him to stop being stupid. Max had responsibilities, and he had obviously been gone too long and Sam had gotten worried because they had stuff to do. Team athletic stuff and missing practice in view of the coach and all the other people in the club was probably number one of the list of bad ways to skip out on his responsibilities. But he didn't want to think rationally right now.'

He couldn't be here anymore.