Chapter 35 - Is Something Wrong?

By the time Zeng was done cooking, he had calmed down a little as he processed the thoughts. He had never been this intimate with Yul. Even that time when Yul had placed his hands on his waist to guide him on the other side of the footpath while walking, he didn't feel any sexual tension between them. He was just so habitual of casual body contact with Yul that he never thought any other way.

But kissing wasn't casual.

"You are deep in thoughts again," Yul said during dinner. Zeng cleared his throat and resumed eating. "Sorry," he mumbled, fiddling with the spoon.

Yul knew he must be thinking about the near-kiss incident and started when Zeng didn't say anything, "You know, it doesn't mean anything unless you want it. Whatever we have is sufficient for now." There was the ever-understanding Yul, too wise for his age. Neither did he force his way in nor did he let go. He simply stayed, making all this so easy for Zeng.

"It's not fair," Zeng said, looking thoroughly amused.

"Hm?"

"You being with me, it's honestly not fair for you. I don't deserve you, Yul. I really don't," Zeng said in all seriousness and Yul was about to retort when he shut him up. "Please, don't give me that 'but I love you' speech. I already know it. I am just saying, it's not fair. You're too good to be with someone wretched like me. I don't understand why it would come to this. There are obviously better people in the world. You don't have to adjust to someone who doesn't deserve you."

Yul kept his mouth shut and listened to everything the doctor had to confess. When Zeng was done, he asked permission with his eyes to speak and nod nodded. "Zeng geeee," he stretched, "Don't think so low of yourself. Just like you see good things in me, I see the good things in you. We both are not perfect but I like you the way you are. I like you as a person and I like spending time with you. I love you and every single thing about you. That's it." He shrugged and took his third bowl of rice and second bowl of stew. "And yeah, I would have loved you even if you were a terrible cook."

Zeng snorted and Yul laughed.

"That would be a nightmare," Zeng shook his head, "We would have to live on packed food for the rest of our lives!"

"I won't mind," Yul shrugged. "See, cooking isn't something that everybody can do. There aren't many good looking, hardworking, honest men in the world who can cook. You have it all. So be proud of yourself."

Zeng blushed, "Just shut up and eat." He looked away, a smile tugging on his lips and Yul kept singing his praise to make him blush more. The doctor had to hit him playfully many times to make him shut up but as stubborn as Yul was, it didn't stop him.

…..

It was just two weeks more and Zeng will be performing his first major surgery as a lead surgeon. He was all pumped up about it and was constantly studying. Yul would often call or message him every hour or two, reminding him to take a break when he studied after his shift. Zeng felt happy knowing that someone was caring for him and being on this journey with him at every step.

Hence, it was strange when the calls didn't come one day. Zeng waited for a few hours and called Yul to check if everything was alright. The phone rang but was cut short and a message arrived instead.

"I'll talk to you later"

However, it didn't help Zeng calm down. There wasn't a day when Yul didn't call him. Zeng had become habitual of listening to his voice every day at least once. Yul had texted him which meant he was alright but wasn't in the mindset to talk that moment. So Zeng decided to give him his space for whatever he was dealing with.

"Ok, don't forget to eat dinner"

He texted back. However, he would often check his phone every hour to see if there are any new messages from Yul. There weren't any and that worried him a bit even if he pretended it didn't.

It was some time before Zeng had dinner that Yul called him and he almost picked up instantly.

"Hey, Zeng ge." Yul's voice sounded so small. An instant fear shot up in Zeng "Hey," he said, "Everything alright? Are you okay?" There was silence on the other line and Zeng took it as negation even if Yul said otherwise, "Yeah, everything's fine. It's just something from work."

"You can tell me if it's troubling you," Zeng spoke carefully. Yul laughed but it didn't sound bright, "You are the one that I don't want to tell. It's really embarrassing and I don't want to downgrade my image in your eyes."

Zeng rolled his eyes, "I already consider you a whiny little kid with baby fat on his cheeks, resembling a piggy and who can't even boil water without burning down the kitchen. Do you really think your image will downgrade any further than this?"

Yul laughed, this time a little more genuine, "Alright, just give me some time, maybe when you come here this Saturday, hm?"

Zeng hummed, "Okay."

The Saturday evening came after what felt like years. Zeng was at Yul's doorstep, ringing the bell. Yul had offered him the spare key but Zeng had rejected saying it wasn't that necessary for now.

Yul opened the door and took Zeng in. It was followed by a much-needed hug and that was enough to tell Zeng that this week had been rough for the kid. "Everything's alright, piggy." He said cutting the back of the younger's head. Unlike any other time, Yul didn't correct Zeng to call him a mighty lion. He just snuggled closer.

"Let's fix us something to eat first. Then we can watch a movie or talk if you want," Zeng suggested, removing his coat and hanging it over a hanger. With the cold rising steadily, Yul's apartment was warmed by a heater. However, Yul would still be cold even if he was draped in layers of woollen clothes. Zeng had observed that his body temperature was always on the colder side, no matter the weather. He had also thought that the same thing would be an advantage in case he wanted to cuddle in summer. In winter? Not so.

"Let's go with your favourite today, Xiaolongbao!" Zeng said, taking out the ingredients he had bought on his way there. An empty stomach would bring in more stress and food could lift up spirits when someone's not doing well.. Yul nodded with a thin smile, seeing Zeng's efforts to cheer him up.