Chapter 52 - The Peace Within

The thought of never again having the same bonds with his family scared Yul as he gripped the phone. The fear might have been evident from his face and Zeng once again let him know that he was there.

The doctor lifted Yul's hand and kissed his knuckles, grazing his thumb over them. He might not know what they had been talking but he knew it was hard for Yul and he would be here for him, effectively chasing his fears away as Yul smiled back a little. At least this person wouldn't leave him for who he was.

"Yul-ah, listen to me." Mrs Wang said sternly, "I am not talking on behalf of your father. He can't dictate me, especially if it's about my son. I want you to know that you are my precious child. You will always be. It doesn't matter to me if you like a man or a woman. As long as you are happy, I am fine with it. Just…" her voice hesitated, "Just don't distance yourself from me." She sobbed through the phone.

Yul shook his head, suddenly wishing that he was to hug his mother to his chest and wipe her tears away, "I will never do that, mom. I don't hate you guys. You should know that but please try to understand me. That's all I am asking for."

Mrs Wang nodded, taking a seat on the empty chair where her family had sat just this morning. She had prepared her son's favourite meal since it wasn't every day that he came back home. He had been away for two years in the academy and ever since he was posted in the police station, he didn't have long enough holidays to visit them in his hometown. He had come after such a long time and Mrs Wang was beyond excited to welcome him home but all her happiness shattered with the sudden turn of events. But was it really sudden? How come she never noticed it? Or did she even pay enough attention to know what he was going through?

The more she thought about it, the more she could find the hints that she never bothered to dig further. She should have. It would have made things easier for her son.

"I am trying, Yul," she said intently, "I still don't understand, but I am trying, for you. It's not easy for us, it's new and frightening and just something we never talked about. Give us some time. To me and your dad. It is a new space for us and it'll take time."

She spoke softly intending to make her feelings reach her son. Her husband saw her in tears from the gap in the door. Unable to bear the sight, he just turned around and closed the door of his room.

The inside of it was quiet, just like the house ever since his son went away for his career. He made his way to the bed. On the nightstand stood a family photo of the Wangs. A middle-aged him, his wife, his old father and a child showing a wide smile as he tugged at his grandpa's hand.

He picked up the frame. The picture on the family farm was taken years back when things were easy and good, when his father was alive and when his son was his everything.

He grazed a trembling hand over the youngest boy in the frame. Like the other two older men, this boy had the same eyes, same nose and even the same hair colour. Yul didn't pick up his mother's darker hair, nor her soft facial features. In fact, he was much similar to his father and a carbon copy of his grandfather.

Mr Wang suddenly felt the need to talk to his father. The old man had loved Yul with his life and even in his final days, he had smiled because his beloved grandson was there for him.

What would he have done? Mr Wang thought, what would his old man do if he was alive. He knew his son was closest to his father as evident from the stubbornness the little boy had for staying with his grandpa even after the school holidays.

The old Wang was fiercely protective of his grandchild. Mr Wang was sure the old man was alive, he wouldn't have hesitated to disown him for talking to Yul with that tone.

"What would you do, father?" He asked, looking at the frame. He set it down as the answer occurred to him, however, he couldn't act on it. His morals, his pride wouldn't let him.

His wife came in with a glass of water and took out a box of pills. She grabbed two pills and handed them to her husband. Mr Wang quietly took them and gulped down the water.

"Dear, are you upset?" He asked as she took the glass from him. She didn't answer immediately. Instead, she sat beside him. "Aren't we both?" She asked instead.

They were, for things unknown. Why were they upset? Was it because their son wasn't what they thought of him to be? Was it because of the betrayal they felt? Was it because they never even bothered to think it could be something outside of their perspectives?

"He was speaking with his heart," Mrs Wang said, "I saw it in his eyes." He already knew it but something within him refused to accept it.

"Can't we just-" Mrs Wang was cut off when her husband refused to discuss any further. "I am tired." He said, "I will sleep now."

Mrs Wang nodded in understanding. She pulled the blanket over him as he laid down on the bed. "Take a rest. We can talk later," she said and left him alone. Sleep never came as he laid wide awake thinking about everything and nothing at the same time. It was chaos.

The same was for Yul. Even in Zeng's embrace, he couldn't find peace.

"Can't sleep?" He heard Zeng ask. Yul shook his head, burying himself further in Zeng's chest. Zeng patted the back of his head and slowly rubbed his back. "It'll be alright," he assured, kissing the top of his head. "Everybody deserves their time. Your parents too. Let's wait for them. Hm?"

Yul looked up to face Zeng who was looking adoringly at him. "Okay, I'll wait for them," he agreed and hid himself again.. He hoped he could find his peace soon if only his parents could understand.